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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28102728">Everything in Between</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoptartCandy/pseuds/PoptartCandy'>PoptartCandy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Thedas Tales: Inquisitor Trevelyan [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:40:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>59,768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28102728</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoptartCandy/pseuds/PoptartCandy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Between the Breach, the chaos, the politics, the people, and the many, many fights, the Inquisitor found comfort in the arms of the Commander. And he found the same comfort in hers. Between their duty and their spare time, they were always found with each other, sorting out the baggage they carried and the burden of their titles. </p><p>These are the not-so-secret stories of what happened between the romance of the Commander, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, and the mage Inquisitor, Ayla Malin Trevelyan, of the recent Inquisition.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cullen Rutherford &amp; Female Trevelyan, Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Thedas Tales: Inquisitor Trevelyan [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2060088</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Passion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There will be some NSFW content throughout a few chapters, feel free to skip if you are uncomfortable.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>Longer than I should admit.</em>"</p><p>Ayla woke up from another restless night. Her bronze hair was a mess from all the tossing and turning, the lack of rest and her busy mind kept her uneasy.</p><p>She couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. </p><p>She barely shared her first kiss with the Insquisition's Commander before she had to leave once more for her duties as an Inquisitor. His voice continued to echo through her mind as she hadn't been given a chance to speak of <em>what </em>they were.</p><p>"Inquisitor," A guard called from outside her tent, his shadow faintly shaping their figure. "A message for you from Commander Cullen," He added as he awaited a response.</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"It's- It is a- a private letter, I will leave it here, Inquisitor." The stutter made her worry as the shadow leaned over and left something on the ground. </p><p>Ayla waited for the shadow to disappear before she scurried out of her tent to grab the note.</p><p>"What could he-" She muttered under her breath as her hazel eyes scanned through the note. It didn't say much, just five words.</p><p>"<em>Let's talk when you return.</em>"</p><p>Her heart pulsed harder as she read the same line over and over. There was a lot of overthinking going on, a lot of questions and worry about what awaited her at Skyhold.</p><p>That kiss at the battlements. </p><p>It was electrifying.</p><p>She placed a finger on her lips and wished for more.</p><p>"Is everything okay, Inquisitor?"</p><p>Out of panic, Ayla crumpled the note and looked at her companion.</p><p>"I did not mean to frighten you," Cassandra apologized with a tilt of her head. "I simply overheard you received an urgent message."</p><p>"Oh, it's nothing important, Cassandra," Ayla replied, barely making out words between her stuttering. "The Commander merely reminded me that Josephine and Leliana have spoken with the nobles as per my request prior to leaving."</p><p>Cassandra cocked an eyebrow before frowning. "That does not make sense. That is a message that does not require urgency," She began go complain. "It does not matter, we should get moving before the red templars leave their post."</p><p>"Of course, of course," Ayla agreed as she straightened herself up. "Notify everyone and we can go."</p><p>"As you wish."</p><p>Ayla waited for Cassandra to be at a certain distance before she let out the tension with a single exhale. She quickly reopened the crumbled paper and read the message once more.</p><p>"<em>Let's talk when you return.</em>"</p><p>What did he mean?</p><p>Unfortunately, it took more than a few days to trail the red templars, which was a lot longer than any of them had hoped. The Storm Coast hadn't been kind to any of them. From the steep hills and harsh winds to the cold breeze that completely drained their energy through their travel.</p><p>"Lucky, you always manage to get us out when we're at the verge of defeat," Varric remarked as he dusted Bianca off of dirt and splatter.</p><p>"The job needed to be done," Cassandra sighed as she  slowly unbuckled her armor.</p><p>"I was not expecting the rift though, boss. Heads up on the demons next time?" Bull stretched.</p><p>"If I had known ahead of time, I definitely would have given everyone a heads up," Ayla faintly chuckled to lighten the mood. It took a little while before she finally caught her breath, staring at her left hand. '<em>How much longer?'</em> She thought. '<em>How much longer before you take me with you?</em>'</p><p>"Boss, are we to head back to Skyhold?" Bull questioned, still huffing out of his flaring nostrils. He peeped over his shoulder in time to notice Ayla falling over, catching her in time as Varric and Cassandra gasped in unison. "Boss? Boss!" Bull yelled, lifting Ayla up in between his arms.</p><p>"We have to take her back, now!"</p><p>Varric whistled for the guards and everyone scurried about for the Inquisitor. She moved in and out of darkness, faintly seeing what was happening with her comrades and guards. The last thing she had enough strength to mutter out of her was one name.</p><p>"Cullen-"</p><p>×××</p><p>The sounds of birds echoed through the room, as did the sun and cool, icy breeze. Ayla's eyes flickered open, her body had ached and her head felt heavier than normal. She slowly rose to sit up, her body let out a few cracks along her spine as her sight became a lot more clear and she realized where she was.</p><p>'<em>Skyhold? How long was I out?</em>'</p><p>Ayla couldn't even breath for a moment before she threw the blanket off of her body, grabbing the next closest coat to her to cover her near-exposed body. Her feet thumping at each step of the long staircase that led down to the Grand Hall. </p><p>Nobles gasped at the sight of the Inquisitor in such an unruly manner. Her bronze hair was a mess, barely any make up and powder on her olive skin as well as the lack of clothing underneath the thick red coat she grabbed along the way. She could hear the whispers, but she barely could greet them as she rushed through the door towards Josephine's office, slamming the second door shut to see a reaction. </p><p>Empty. </p><p>'<em>They must be in the war room.</em>'</p><p>Ayla began to straighten herself, combing down the bed head as well as wiping any drool or sand from her ears. She huffed out air to see if her breath was - at the very least - decent to be able to speak to others.</p><p>One deep breath she continued on towards the hall of the war room, the broken walls still hadn't been fixed, but the light and the breeze were a great touch before the tension in the war room. </p><p>She fixed the buttons on her coat to cover her breasts, despite the light silk that barely did the job. Ayla fluffed her locks once more before forcefully pushing through the double doors of the war room. The croak of the doors echoed through the silence, surprised glances came from the three advisers, yet only one locked eyes with her. </p><p>The feeling of longing bounced between her hazel orbs to his brown beauty.</p><p>Ayla missed him. In fact, she wanted to jump him for a kiss. One she's waited to do after days apart. </p><p>Then she remembered. The note.</p><p>'<em>He still wants to talk to me in private.</em>'</p><p>"Inquisitor! You are awake!" Josephine gasped, breaking the silence as she nearly dropped her board. "We were worried for you, Inquisitor."</p><p>Leliana nodded. "We received an urgent report from Scout Harding regarding your exhaustion. Our comrades kept you safe within the camp prior to moving you to Skyhold with proper transport."</p><p>"Thanks to our Commander, we didn't waste any time to send a few of our soldiers for a safe journey back," Josephine continued.</p><p>"Thank you," Ayla breathed, finally breaking the locked stare between she and the Commander. She closed the doors and approached the table, her palms laid flat on the table as she stared at the map.</p><p>"How long have I been out?" She asked her advisers.</p><p>"It seems you collapsed out of exhaustion from the lack of sleep, Inquisitor," Josephine quoted the report on her board. She swirled the feather of her pen and added, "You were asleep for three days. Are you well-rested?"</p><p>"It was much needed," Ayla sighed. "I feel I may have wasted our time being absent."</p><p>"Actually, Inquisitor, your efforts with the red templars seemed to have toned down the mess occuring in Storm Coast." Cullen's voice cracked a little as he tried to keep professional. "But we have taken care of what we could while you needed to rest."</p><p>"In fact, we were just finishing up, Inquisitor, " Leliana added. "And now you are awake, the reports will be right on your desk by sunset."</p><p>"Fair enough."</p><p>"Now if you may excuse us, Leliana and I have matters to tend to prior to the upcoming ball. We are sure you have plenty to catch up on," Josephine smirked as she exchanged glances with the Spymaster, who also smirked afterwards.</p><p>Ayla looked towards them as she watched both women leave the room, reassuring they have left with slams of the doors.</p><p>Then silence.</p><p>'<em>Why did they smirk at me like that?</em>'</p><p>She shook her head and peered back down towards the map once more, avoiding the conversation they were about to have.</p><p>'<em>Please say something.</em>'</p><p>"Inqu- I mean..." Cullen's attempt to fill the lack of sound made it more awkward. Awkwardness. It was part of his charm. </p><p>Ayla could barely hold a small smile before she raised her head to finally face him. His lips were pursed together, the scar on his face stretched, which her eyes trailed upwards to see the flustered expression on his face to show his slight lack of confidence.</p><p>The opposite to the Commander standing and commanding the soldiers.</p><p>"I received your note."</p><p>"O-Oh you did?" He cleared his throat. "We can talk when you are more... Decent."</p><p>"Decent?" Ayla repeated with a chuckle as she realized her bending over the table had given him a chance to see the top of her breast. She straightened herself, closing the buttons of her coat slowly before she crossed her arms. A smirk on her face as she then asked, "Is this much better for you, Ser Cullen?"</p><p>He cleared his throat once more as he took the turn to lean over the table. His gaze seemed a lot more intense as they locked eyes once again. </p><p>"I overheard the nobles commenting about our battlements rendezvous. How could they know?" Ayla pointed out. </p><p>"It comes to no surprise they have nothing to talk about." He rolled his eyes, sounding less than eager to deal with the nobles who lurk around Skyhold.. "I would rather my — <em>our</em> — private affairs remain that way. But if there were nothing here for people to talk about, I would regret it more."</p><p>Cullen softened up as Ayla wandered around the table to his side. Her fingers trailed alongside her, feeling the wood at the tip of her calloused fingers from wielding mage staffs all her life. </p><p>Being a Trevelyan didn't give her a pass.</p><p>She reached closer to him, her fingers stopped trailing just at the edge of the palm of his left hand. "Cullen, I-"</p><p>"-No, don't," He silenced her as he faced her, their bodies barely an inch or two away from each other, his hand just the same by the table.</p><p>There was a throbbing feeling to close the gap, but neither one of them didn't want to be the first to do so.</p><p>"You know, I haven't been on this side of the table before," Ayla spoke in a softer tone.</p><p>"I kind of like it," Cullen spoke in the same tone.</p><p>They shared a smile. Loving and longing. Although their bodies gave a different message.</p><p>"I am glad you are feeling better, you had me worried," The Commander sighed. His hand reached forth, caressing the side of her face, although the leather on his gloves were not very warm, it was enough for Ayla too coo at his touch. "Maker knew I would ride throughout the night just for me to get to you once I heard the message. You worried me."</p><p>Ayla held onto his hand, closing her eyes and leaning closer to his touch. "I apologize for worrying you."</p><p>"Don't apologize, I knew the risks when I realized I wanted you." He leaned closer, his forehead touching hers, and their breath intertwined.</p><p>"Andraste guides me. She guides me back here. Back to you."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Ayla reopened her eyes and met with his, it wasn't a second longer before their lips locked. The warmth of his lips calmed her, his touch comforted her, she felt safe no matter what happened outside the war room doors. Cullen made her feel safe.</p><p>He reminded her that she was only human.</p><p>And he surely reminded her that she was a woman who had needs.</p><p>Cullen suddenly grabbed her from the waist, turning to pin her against the wooden war table. He lifted her lightly to sit atop of it, positioning himself perfectly between her spread legs. </p><p>There was nothing stopping them.</p><p>She was barely clothed already, with only a thick red coat and silk underdress, it was... Inviting.</p><p>A moan escaped her lips as her touch felt the cold metal of his armor between the fur. She wanted it off. She wanted to strip the Commander and let him have her, but she also couldn't escape kissing him. Their tongues danced, tasting each other at every moment.</p><p>She wanted him to take her.</p><p>Just as things became a lot more heated, the double doors came to a thud. They quickly parted and Ayla buried her face into the fur of his armor, hiding her face away as Cullen hovered over her. The thud of his body against her forced a moan against the fur, she could feel him against his pants.</p><p>He didn't nudge from her moan.</p><p>Instead, he leaned his head forward, facing the double doors. The croak signaled it opened and in came a familiar scout, who enjoyed intruding in their moment.</p><p>"Commander, I-"</p><p>"-What?" Cullen grunted.</p><p>"I- Oh, <em>oh</em>, uh-" The scout cleared his throat. "I will leave this on your desk, ser. Uh- I-" His footsteps scurried about, evident that his interruption was at a bad timing - yet again.</p><p>"That scout has the best timing," Ayla remarked as she leaned back to separate their bodies again. Cullen barely smirked, followed by a sigh as he rubbed his temple. There was frustration on his face.</p><p>"Is everything all right?" Ayla asked.</p><p>The Commander shook his head and answered with a huff through his nostrils. "I forget that we can never have a moment to ourselves."</p><p>"Cullen," She sighed. "That is why we take the moments that we can to enjoy it."</p><p>"I know, but how long before I can finally have you all to myself?"</p><p>"It is not like you to be so selfish, Commander," Ayla teased. He let out a chuckle as he reached over and caressed her once more, his lips smiled softly and lovingly once again. Different to his passionate kiss from earlier.</p><p>"Only with you," He said so confidently.</p><p>"I'm glad," She said as she reached over and caressed his cheek. "I care for you... <em>A lot</em>."</p><p>"And I you."</p><p>"I take it the moment is gone?" Ayla lightly laughed as she - once again - straightened herself up, from her crooked clothing to the messy hair. Cullen shyly laughed as he replied, "Unfortunately so."</p><p>"Maker knows how to keep us waiting," She scoffed as she reached over and helped Cullen with his hair. "Now go, Commander. Tend to your duties."</p><p>"You're giving me orders now?"</p><p>She gave a light shrug as she tiptoed to kiss his cheek, then landing back flat onto her feet against the cold concrete floor. "Am I not the Inquisitor?" She joked as she began to walk away from him, towards the door.</p><p>She took one last glimpse over her shoulder at the man who stared at her so lovingly, the longing for her glistening in his beautiful brown eyes.</p><p>Cullen gave a teasing nod.</p><p>Ayla did the same before she wandered out of the war room. And as she continued back to her quarters, she realized halfway...</p><p>'<em>Maker's balls, I kissed him without cleaning my two day old, dirty mouth!</em>'</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Passion ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dorian and Ayla returned from Redcliffe with slight tension, but they clearly could not hate each other for too long - <em>especially Dorian</em>. They've built a friendship over the course of their time together, and neither of them agreed to never let it go. </p><p>Although the Inquisitor did trick him into seeing his Father, he didn't let that harm their bond.</p><p>The Tevinter mage let out a sigh as he snarkily asked, "You won't report this to <em>your</em> ex-templar, will you? I know there's no secrecy there."</p><p>"My ex-templar? Who are you talking about?" She sarcastically replied.</p><p>"I'm not about to go into those barracks and explain why the Inquisitor suddenly has a sizzled bottom after this trip." He rolled his eyes at her as they crossed the bridge towards Skyhold. She could tell he was trying to lighten the mood between them.</p><p>"I could say the same," She sassed back with a smirk aimed his way. "Although I do think that you would enjoy it a lot more."</p><p>"Festis bei umo canavarum." Dorian's laughter echoed through the entrance of Skyhold. "You will definitely be the death of me with these snarky remarks, Inquisitor."</p><p>"Oh you like it." Ayla laughed with him.</p><p>They entered the small camp right by the entrance and caught glimpse of a certain someone peeking from the staircase leading to the Grand Hall. His blond locks and the red fur around his shoulders didn't make it less obvious who watched over them. </p><p>"I see you are expected by someone," Dorian gave a cheeky grin, followed by a shift of his eyebrows to tease the leader of the Inquisition. His hands pressed against his sides as he added, "You better not keep me in the dark, Inquisitor."</p><p>Ayla pointed at herself with a grin plastered across her face. "Do I ever, Dorian? Do I- The Inquisitor- ever?" She playfully winked before sharing a laugh together. </p><p>They walked together up towards the very staircase a certain Commander had just walked on. The two mages halted by the bottom as Ayla complimented the Tevinter with - "You are always a joy, Dorian."</p><p>"I am here to flatter you any time," He winked before walking the opposite direction towards the tavern. She watched him walk further ahead before she turned and hastily walked upstairs herself.</p><p>'<em>I don't recall being called to the war room today.</em>'</p><p>Ayla reached the top.</p><p>'<em>Would he be waiting for me?</em>'</p><p>She entered the entryway towards the Grand Hall.</p><p>'<em>I'm possibly overthinking this.</em>'</p><p>Her thoughts were full, noises of the nobles echoed to white noise and no one else seemed to capture her attention at all.</p><p>"Inquisitor."</p><p>She made it halfway through the Grand Hall, still deep in thought as her pace got slower while her heart continued to beat faster.</p><p>"Inquisitor!"</p><p>'<em>Surely I'm overthinking everything.' </em>She thought to herself as she fully stopped at the end of the floor rug, her arms crossed and her thumb cupped her chin as she faced the golden throne in honor of Andraste. '<em>Please guide me through this conf-</em>'</p><p>"-Your Worship!"</p><p>Ayla snapped out of her thought and looked over her shoulder to see the man she was just thinking of.</p><p>"Commander." She forced herself to call him by his title. The formality was only for show, especially in front of the nosy nobles who inhabit the Grand Hall.</p><p>"Apologies for the tone, but you seemed to be very distracted. Are you all right?" He also tried to keep his tone stern and kept the formalities too.</p><p>Ayla nodded. "Would you like to walk with me? I would like to remove this mess before I call for everyone in the war room."</p><p>Cullen definitely wanted to say something, his eyes said it all, but instead, he only nodded. Ayla beckoned him to follow her as they headed towards the door to her quarters. They hadn't said anything until they went through the door, where both of them released a very long exhale.</p><p>"That seemed a little tense." She sighed. </p><p>"You know that the gossip will continue now that you've invited me to your quarters," Cullen warned with dread in every word.</p><p>"I have walked into your office - alone - so how is this any different?"</p><p>"Point taken."</p><p>They remained silent the rest of the way up the multiple stairs. No amount of stomping could let the walk any faster. Ayla always blamed Josephine for appointing the tower as her private quarters, as she said - "It made more sense to have your privacy at the highest point of Skyhold, Inquisitor."</p><p>As they reached the top, Ayla didn't waste a second more and quickly removed her staff from her back without hesitation. She then unbuckled the buckle around her waist and removed the white leather coat afterwards, usually she would strip to her bare skin after a mission, wander around in the nude to release the stress off her body from the armor, but she stopped not a layer more, suddenly remembering there was someone else in her quarters.</p><p>"Maker, you're beautiful- I-" </p><p>She overheard a whisper from behind her as she let her bronze locks fall from the tight bun it was locked in for the day. She turned to face her guest, who seemed a little embarrassed by his comment.</p><p>"Commander," She teasingly called, knowing he had mentioned he didn't enjoy formalities when they were alone. "What did you need to talk about?"</p><p>"Oh, yes, uh-" Cullen shook his head, snapping himself from his gaze. He cleared his throat, taking in a few breaths before he asked, "I've been meaning to ask you, since a few days ago from the war room, before we had a- Uh- <em>Moment</em>."</p><p>'<em>I know exactly what moment you're talking about.</em>'</p><p>Ayla couldn't help but smile, remembering such moment with the Commander. They both knew if they hadn't been interrupted by Scout Jim, they definitely would have defiled the war room table. Cullen must have noticed as he too smiled slyly back at her.</p><p>'<em>Must he smile like that?</em>' She thought as she felt the swoon caused from his charms.</p><p>"You do not regret us, do you?"</p><p>"What?" Her thoughts disappeared. He had caught her off guard with such an unexpected question. "W-What do you mean by that?" She questioned back.</p><p>He reached for the back of his head, rubbing at his neck as he broke eye contact. "You see, I- <em>Well</em>, I have not wanted anyone for so long, but your position as Inquisitor is important and I do not want to take you from them," He began to ramble on. "And my position as Commander and Military Adviser would only ruin your credibility if people have found out about us-"</p><p>"-Oh Cullen, people certainly know about us already." She stopped him. "Is it because of your past? Because I'm a mage?"</p><p>"What? Maker, <em>no</em>." His tone changed to a stern one, confident in his own choices. "I don't even want to think about my life as a Templar, my choices then do not reflect me as the man I am right now. The thought of hurting you has never been an option."</p><p>'<em>His confidence is very charming,</em>' Ayla couldn't help say to herself before she spoke up and asked, "I hope it isn't my nobility that is making you feel this way?"</p><p>"Oh- Yes, right, you are a noble. I hadn’t considered… I have no title outside the Inquisition. I hope that doesn’t — I mean, does it… bother you?" And he went back to his shy personality once again. Cullen always amused her when his two traits hopped back and forth in their conversations, especially in the earlier days in Haven, where their flirting was subtle. </p><p>"Why would it bother me?" She sighed as she closed the distance between her and him, her arms rose to wrap around his neck, pulling him into an embrace that she never knew she needed. A comforting exhale escaped her as she felt safe once again.</p><p>"You keep me safe," She cooed into the furs of his armor. "I don't regret what we have."</p><p>She felt his arms lowers, his hands pressed on her sides and slithering around her as he gently pulled her closer to him, nothing got in between them. He pressed her nose into the crook of her neck, taking in her scent as he whispered so lovingly - "Neither do I."</p><p>'<em>I love you</em>.'</p><p>Ayla's eyes opened wide at the thought. She slightly pushed herself back from him after capturing herself off guard with those three words.</p><p>"What's the matter?" He asked as he began to caress the side of her face. Their faces not too far apart. She could feel her lips tingling, yearning for his.</p><p>"Do we have a moment?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"I want you," She said in a whisper, partly because she was unsure of his response.</p><p>"I have always wanted you." His lips curved, he was looking a little devilish with the way he smiled. "Longer than I should admit. I wasn't sure of how to... Approach it," He confessed.</p><p>"Then let's take this moment." Ayla couldn't contain herself as she slightly leaped towards him and pressing her lips against his. </p><p>Cullen didn't hesitate either.</p><p>They wrapped their arms together and their sweet kiss turned into passion. </p><p>Their bodies throbbed for each other, and the only thing in the way of their bodies were the armor that they wore.</p><p>The Commander had this sense of dominance take over him. Ayla felt him take over. His arms held her tight before lifting her off her feet to have her legs wrap around him. He guided himself to her bed without breaking out of their locked lips. Her fingers combing through his perfectly arranged golden hair as she held on him tighter, the both of them falling onto her bed, he pinning her in between him and the piece of furniture.</p><p>Ayla released a slight moan as he parted from her, they stared into each other's eyes as lovers. She had been waiting for him to take her. Like him, she waited for the right moment, but she knew as an Inquisitor, there was never a right one.</p><p>Their heavy breathing moved at the same rhythm as Cullen softly said, "Maker... You are beautiful."</p><p>Her cheeks suddenly felt hot, knowing she blushed at his compliments.</p><p>"I wouldn't have been able to hold back any longer," He sighed before forcefully locking lips with her once more. Their fingers wrestled to get their clothing off, their bodies yearning for each other's naked touch.</p><p>Piece by piece, clothing and armor fell to the sides of the bed. A thud at each landing. They separated from their kiss once they felt they were in nothing more than their undergarments, just the one layer away from exposing their bodies.</p><p>Ayla lay on the bed as Cullen stood up, taking in her beauty and every inch of what he could see. She did the same. She eyed every mark on his body, from the scars of his past to the twirl of his gold hairs sitting perfectly centered at his chest. She couldn't help but bite her lower lip at the thought of his fit form against her, every curve and shape of his muscles made her yearn him more.</p><p>'<em>Dear Maker, why has he been hiding this beneath all those layers of armor?</em>'</p><p>"Will you... Will you let me have you?" He spoke as though he couldn't believe he was going to.</p><p>"Have me, Cullen," She moaned.</p><p>"As you wish, Ayla." </p><p>The sound of her name coming out of his lips made her body shiver all over, he rarely called her by her first name, and the rarity of those moments made it oh-so satisfying to hear.</p><p>Cullen leaned over, touching her without his leather gloves, the warmth of his skin against hers sent jolts of impatience for the both of them. </p><p>They've waited for this moment, and Cullen wanted to take it all in at his own pace. </p><p>His fingers began from the top of her forehead, trailing down and feeling every inch of her towards her nose, sloping up and down the curves of her voluptuous lips. Ayla squirmed beneath him as his fingers began to slither along her neck and towards her breasts. He glanced at her momentarily, the hunger in his eyes as he became the hunter and she the prey. She moaned lightly as his fingers circled around her left nipple - once, twice, possibly three times - before he wandered down and up to the right. His use of her undergarment made her shiver, and she could only imagine what his touch would be like without them.</p><p>"Why do you tease me?" She squirmed.</p><p>"Don't be mistaken, I'm merely following orders by enjoying what little moment we have," He teased and using her own words against her. She could feel her breathing against the side of her neck, his lips hovered so close to her ear, so much happening and all her body did was crave him more. Her thighs urged to close, but he stood right in between them, denying her from doing so.</p><p>She was under his control.</p><p>His fingers continued downwards, hovering just above the hem of her underwear, trailing and tugging lightly to continue to tease.</p><p>"<em>Cullen</em>," She groaned.</p><p>He nipped at her neck, causing her to groan even more.</p><p>She was trapped.</p><p>'<em>Since when was he ever a tease?</em>'</p><p>"Cullen!" She sounded like she was pleading for him to touch her. Her fingers curled on his back, grazing her nails into his skin.</p><p>"As you wish, Inquisitor." The way he said it was very sexy, his lips continued to peck on her neck as he finally moved his fingers above her entrance, feeling the heat radiating from her lust for him.</p><p>Cullen let out groan. </p><p>"Oh Maker," He mumbled against her skin as he <em>f</em><em>inally</em> touched her. Ayla moaned, louder than before as she could feel herself soaking her own underwear, his finger moving up and down without exactly applying pressure where he should be.</p><p>'<em>This man is driving me insane!</em>'</p><p>Her hips began to follow his rhythm, urging him to touch without having to beg.</p><p>'<em>Is he trying to make me beg?</em>'</p><p>"Inquisitor!"</p><p>'<em>Wait, that's not his voice.</em>'</p><p>"Inquisitor, a delivery from Ambassador Josephine," A female voice called by the door.</p><p>Ayla's eyes opened wide, pushing the Commander off of her and onto the bed out of reflex. She rose from the bed so fast that even Cullen hadn't realized she was already by her door, wrapped in a velvet robe to cover her lack of clothing.</p><p>"What is it?" She sighed in frustration, greeting the scout knocking at her door.</p><p>"The report you requested from Ambassador Josephine, Inquisitor," The scout answered, trying very hard not to express the awkwardness they were feeling.</p><p>Ayla took the stack of paper from the scout. "Is there anything else you wish to tell me?"</p><p>"Y-Yes," They stuttered. "Lady Leliana request your and... Commander Cullen's p-presence at the war room in the next hour."</p><p>"Thank you." She sternly replied before closing the door.</p><p>'<em>Yet again, another disruption.</em>'</p><p>She placed the report on her desk. Defeated, she leaned her bottom on the edge of her desk, her arms crossed as she locked eyes with the half naked Commander on her bed.</p><p>He too looked defeated.</p><p>"I guess we have to go," Cullen said so sadly. He stood up from her bed and began to gather his clothing with obvious annoyance.</p><p>Ayla quickly wrapped her arms around him before he could continue dressing, embracing him from behind as she apologized. "I so desperately wish we could have finished."</p><p>"So did I." He didn't sound very happy. His voice was deep, stern and bothered.</p><p>'<em>He is angry.</em>'</p><p>Cullen turned around and cupped her chin, tilting her head upwards and gave her a sweet kiss. "I will make up for it, I promise."</p><p>"I will patiently wait for the day," Ayla teasingly replied as they kissed once more.</p><p>'<em>We were there. We. Were. There</em>.'</p><p>The Commander dressed and left before her. She decided to bathe and cool off before she could show her face in the war room.</p><p>That's the least she could do. </p><p>Ayla let out a very, very long exhale, leaning back in the bath tub. Her palms slapped her face, her frustration couldn't be relieved. Another groan escaped her before she lowered herself deep in the water.</p><p>'<em>We. Were. There!</em>'</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N: I have a few chapters written up, I may multiple upload until I've finally caught up to current, but I might also not end up writing, so we'll play it by ear.</p><p>P.S I promise this is the last time they're interrupted lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Winter Palace had been a stressful time, dealing with nobles, the assassination attempt, the drama, gossip and backstabbing. The travel back to Skyhold was quiet, although that didn't bother Ayla. All she could think about was the dance. The dance she shared with the Commander. Her gaze occasionally peeked to her side, catching a glimpse - <em>even for a moment</em> - at the man she so desperately wanted to be with. They often exchanged glances, a sly smile here and there before returning to their conversations with someone else.</p><p>"Inquisitor," Varric approached once they stopped for a moment.</p><p>Ayla leaped off her horse, her landing perfectly timed with Varric's arrival. "How can I help you, Varric?" She greeted him.</p><p>"I am here to ask you if it is true," He chuckled. "Did you manage to convince Curly to dance with you?"</p><p>"Dear Maker, gossip spreads faster than Leliana's scouts," She remarked. "Let me guess, one of the nobles told you this."</p><p>"Of course." He smugly swept his thumb under his nose. "In fact, one of Curly's admirers did."</p><p>"He definitely has <em>plenty</em>."</p><p>"Come now, I hope that didn't irk you a little."</p><p>'<em>Only a little.</em>'</p><p>Ayla tilted her head."Me?" She pouted. "I think you're mistaken, my friend."</p><p>Varric laughed. "Oh Lucky, this is why you sometimes lose in Wicked Grace," He continued to tease. "You know I'm only pulling your leg. And speaking of Curly, look at him with the perfect timing."</p><p>They both faced the Commander, who approached with a little caution. Varric patted the Inquisitor before excusing himself to leave the two alone.</p><p>"I suppose he's already mentioning the nuisance I've dealt with."</p><p><em>'Yes, the nobles who managed to take all your time</em>.' Ayla thought. She gave him a light smile and nodded. She didn't know what to say to him. She cannot lie, she was jealous. Her time at the Winter Palace was not memorable, more work than mingling.</p><p>'<em>Why am I feeling so bitter?</em>'</p><p>Cullen must have noticed, because he subtly reached his hand out to hold onto hers, keeping an eye at their surrounding to see if anyone was close.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Ayla was caught off guard.</p><p>"To remind you that no one else matters," He calmly replied, continuing to scan the area as he took a step closer, their hands still intertwined.</p><p>"That even at the shortest time, I know I can enjoy even this," He added, raising their hands up and leaning in to peck the back of her hand.</p><p>'<em>Andraste save me, this man is killing me</em>.'</p><p>"You do everything for us, and for a good cause. I am always grateful."</p><p>'<em>Is he trying to cheer me up?</em>'</p><p>"I am more grateful that you always come back. Every. Time." He continued. "I always wait for you to enter through my doors, greeting me."</p><p>She couldn't take it anymore and she asked, "Are you trying to lighten the mood, Commander?"</p><p>"Believe it or not, I'm not fond of seeing you upset," He confessed. "You don't know how much strength I have had to put to stop myself from embracing you whilst you show frustration in the war room."</p><p>"Cullen, I'm scared." She blurted out.</p><p>"Scared?"</p><p>'<em>Scared?</em>' She repeated in her mind. '<em>Did I just say that? What am I saying?</em>'</p><p>"I- No- I'm just- Never mind." She shook her head and massaged her temple with her free hand. Her head began to ache, not because of her fear, but something else. Something called her. Something ate at her thoughts. Then-</p><p>'<em>No, it's happening again</em>.'</p><p>'<em>No. No. No!</em>'</p><p>Ayla grasped her head before she collapsed. Cullen narrowed his eyes and caught her in time.</p><p>"Ayla!" No formalities.</p><p>He lifted her from the ground and carried her.</p><p>"You there!" He called on the nearest soldier. "Notify Leliana and Josephine that the Inquisitor is down! Now! You, set up a cot! Now, now, now!" He commanded as he rushed her to a safer spot.</p><p>All he could think about was keeping her safe. He didn't understand what happened, but he was there and he was ready to protect her.</p><p>"Ayla... Wake up..." Cullen's lips quivered. He felt helpless. He didn't know what to do. She was fine not too long ago.</p><p>"Wake up..."</p><p>And Ayla did.</p><p>Just not where she was supposed to be.</p><p>Gasping for breath, she stood up and found darkness. She was alone. Ayla grasped her left hand as it began to glow, the anchor began to heat up and she could feel a sudden weight drag her down.</p><p>'<em>What the hell is happening?</em>'</p><p>She gritted her teeth, the pain became hard to control. Pretty soon she fell to her knees, her left hand began to raise, forcefully opening her fist and the anchor burst the familiar green light.</p><p>'<em>What is this?!</em>'</p><p>Her scream echoed, the anchor radiated the familiar feeling of when she closed rifts.</p><p>'<em>I can't stop it...</em>'</p><p>The light began to crack through her skin, down her forearm. Pain continued. Her body felt heavier. And heavier. And heavier.</p><p>"Ayla Trevelyan." A voice, distorted and corrupted called for her.</p><p>There was no indication where the voice came from, only that it called her name, over and over.</p><p>Before she could react, her body slammed to the floor, her left arm still raised to the air. It felt like she was being held up.</p><p>Then it appeared.</p><p>A demon.</p><p>Its grasp around her wrist while its foot kept her on the ground. It didn't make sense.</p><p>'<em>Why couldnt I see the demon before?</em>' She groaned as the pressure from its foot pinned her to the ground.</p><p>"I'll be quick," It hissed. Their breath reeked like rotten and decayed animals as the air reached at the back of her neck. "Corypheus wants the orb."</p><p>"No!" Ayla took in as much of her strength as she could and used the anchor to blast a green energy for the demon get off of her. Whilst gasping for air, she stood up, holding onto her left arm so tightly. Her bronze locks loosened from her bun, slowly covering her face, but she didn't stop eying down the demon, who merely stood and chuckled.</p><p>"I live in your mind." It smugly spoke. "I'm that lingering hatred and jealousy you have for the world. I'm that voice that tells you to become envious of the freedom you lack playing leader."</p><p>'<em>Why not give in to my call? Why not just give me the anchor Corypheus so desperately desires?</em>' The demon whispered into her head.</p><p>"Get out!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. "Get out, get out, get out!"</p><p>Bang.</p><p>Light momentarily filled her vision before darkness.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>"Ayla..."</p><p>That wasn't the demon's voice.</p><p>"Ayla... Wake up..."</p><p>Definitely not the demon's.</p><p>Ayla woke up feeling a cool breeze, she could faintly see snow in front of her, but warmth came from her side. It took a few blinks for her to properly wake up, her vision cleared and she gasped. The first thing she did was look at her left hand. It was still there. She still had the anchor.</p><p>"Maker's praise, you are awake." Cullen cooed in relief. He must have been holding his breath since she unexpectedly collapsed. His hold on her seemed to tighten, keeping her closer to him as though he was afraid for her. She groaned against his armor, ready to readjust herself off of him to ride on her own mount, but he shook his head.</p><p>"No, stay still," He said in a low volume, as if he wasn't hoping anyone noticed she was awake. "Please let me have this. I wish to feel like I am protecting you."</p><p>His voice was a little shaken.</p><p>Ayla could tell Cullen had been afraid. More than she was.</p><p>She nodded without a word and instead, shifted closer to him. Leaning her head against him, closing her eyes as she felt comfort in being in his hold. She breathed at the same pace his, moving their chest up and down in unison. Her hand reached from beneath the soft cloth that covered her to touch his hand, though covered with leather yet again, it was enough to console her.</p><p>"Ayla, you continue to worry me." Cullen breathed, his voice still shaken. He cleared his throat, keeping aware of the volume of his voice to maintain the privacy of their conversation.</p><p>"I know." She sighed. "And I'm sorry-"</p><p>"-I don't know how to protect you." His lips quivered.</p><p>"Protect me?"</p><p>"You told me that you felt safe with me," He quoted her. He couldn't hold his expression, he was frowning and flaring his nose through his deep breaths. "Why do I not feel like I can keep you safe? I've been a templar, a Knight-Commander no less, and I still feel like I cannot protect people?"</p><p>"Cullen, you do keep me safe." Ayla tried to calm him, caressing his glove. He noticed and hastily removed the glove from his left hand, reached his exposed skin to hold onto hers. They were warmer than his glove. She pressed her lips against the palm of his hand, and muttered against his skin - "You are my reminder to always come back."</p><p>"If I could, I would fight with you in a heartbeat. I would accompany you to the battlefield, be <em>your</em> hero."</p><p>She didn't know what to say. Instead, she gently sat up planted a kiss upon his lips. She didn't care if anyone had been listening or saw them kiss, but she couldn't resist.</p><p>The Commander made her heart skip, his worry for her made her angry because of the circumstances of their romance, and his wish to be her hero made her love for him even more. She just couldn't say it.</p><p>'<em>Not yet.</em>'</p><p>Cullen returned her kiss, caressing her cheek to remind himself she was real. She was there. She was breathing under his care.</p><p>Ayla smiled once they parted, their foreheads touched as they were both calming down from both their worries for each other.</p><p>"You are my hero, Cullen" She cooed. "Will you promise to protect me? Now and thereafter."</p><p>"I promise." He smiled. The smile faded not a second later as he appeared flustered once again. "W-Wait- T-Thereafter? Do you- Do you mean?" He cleared his throat. "Will there be a -thereafter- f-for us?"</p><p>"I don't know. Will there be?" She teased.</p><p>'<em>I hope there will be.</em>'</p><p>Cullen froze, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. He didn't answer her, but she could tell that he entered his own thoughts finding the right words. She didn't push him to answer, instead, she kept her smile and comfortably leaned against him through their journey back to Skyhold, safe in his arms.</p><p>×××</p><p>Later that evening, Ayla couldn't sleep, despite how productive her time was since her return, she was very much awake. Her productivity went from speaking with Solas about the demon, she wrote and sent her report for her advisers, cleaned her staff, studied the report on Corypheus, wrote back to her family and she even took a very long bath.</p><p>'<em>A walk seems fitting.</em>'</p><p>Walking out of her quarters, dressed in her nightwear covered by a thick coat, her bronze locks still wet from her bath.</p><p>The Grand Hall was quieter after the nobles retreated to their rooms, a few soldiers were stationed, but were close to falling asleep. She managed to walk through without a single greeting.</p><p>Skyhold was serene. Quiet and calm.</p><p>Something that she rarely saw when she was there.</p><p>Often times, she was away, but as she stood a top of the staircase, she took in the view.</p><p>'<em>This is what I want to accomplish for everyone. This quiet. This... Peace.</em>' She reminded herself as she looked down at her left hand. The anchor flickered.</p><p>"Why are you still awake?" Ayla looked over her shoulder and saw the workaholic Commander, papers in each hand as though he spent most of his evening in the war room.</p><p>"Why are you?" She asked.</p><p>"I had to run through a few things that came from the Winter Palace reports that didn't make sense. I wanted to find possible actions to each scenario mentioned today, especially the case of multiple reports of ground shaking in Storm Coast." He rambled on and on, scattering through the papers, explaining his plans and talking to Ayla about work. Work was what Cullen always thought and talked about on other days, when Ayla wasn't with him.</p><p>Throughout his rambling, Ayla couldn't help stare. Looking at him like one of the nobles in the Winter Palace. Admiring the moon's light shining on him, making his skin glisten. The scar on his lips was a lot visible with the lighting, she always wondered how he came to get it. His brown eyes were a lot lighter too, and his hair was unkempt, which was also a rare sight.</p><p>The Commander was always prim and proper. He could easily be mistaken as a noble compared to an actual noble like herself.</p><p>He - <em>surprisingly</em> - wasn't wearing his armor, he wore a simple off-white long sleeve and brown pants, the clothing that was usually found beneath all the metal, leather and fur.</p><p>'<em>Being without armor looks very good on him.</em>'</p><p>Cullen paused out of the blue. He stacked his papers and cleared his throat, giving an apologetic look at her as he said, "Did I- Uh, I apologize."</p><p>"No, don't apologize. I appreciate the passion you put into your work." She complimented him.</p><p>"Are you all right? Why are you still awake?" He asked, his personality suddenly switched from the Insquisition's Commander to a doting partner. He instinctively pulled her into an embrace, his face buried into her hair as he took in her scent. She placed hers against the crook of his neck.</p><p>'<em>Why does he always smell so good?</em>'</p><p>"I'm all right, Cullen, thank you." Breathing in his scent as much as she could, knowing by morning, she would be on her way to leaving him again. "Thank you."</p><p>She could feel his hold tighten again, combing through her slightly damp hair and caressing her back with the other. She knew he didn't want to let her go. She didn't want to let him go either.</p><p>"I know it isn't something I should be doing, but... Are you able to sleep with me tonight?"</p><p>"P-Pardon?" He pulled away. "Do you mean-"</p><p>"I wish, but I would never put that much pressure on you," Ayla chuckled. "No, what I mean is, I want to sleep in your arms tonight."</p><p>"O-Oh, right. That- Yes, that's what you meant." Cullen awkwardly chuckled. "A-As you wish."</p><p>Ayla smiled and felt a little giddy inside. She felt like a younger version of herself getting a gift from her Father or some sweets snuck into her room by her older sister. She couldn't contain her expression and managed to wrinkle her nose at the thought of having her love sleeping next to her.</p><p>"That was different. What was that expression?"</p><p>'<em>Oh no, he noticed.</em>' She gasped and quickly felt a blush appear on her face. She cupped her cheeks to prevent him from seeing. It was an expression she always did went something made her really happy, and it must have been a while since she expressed some joy.</p><p>After all, she has aged, and it's been a while since her instructors at the Ostwick Circle scolded her for her childish reactions.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Cullen laughed, looking after her with adoration. "This is different."</p><p>"No, this- I can't explain-" She was stuttering. "Andraste have mercy, I didn't mean to-"</p><p>"Mean to, what?"</p><p>"Back in the Ostwick Circle, my instructors would scold me for being expressive, and it's been well contained for a good while before you came into my life," She confessed in defeat. "Stop it."</p><p>"I cannot help myself. Maker forgive me, but I haven't seen this side of you, and I cannot contain my emotions." He continued to laugh in between his words.</p><p>Ayla could tell he found her adorable or some sort of expression that was similar to like a child seeing a nug for the first time. Her cheeks felt a lot warmer. Her blush must have spread throughout her face as he wouldn't stop staring at her with chuckle escaping his lips.</p><p>"Oh Maker, I revoke my invitation."</p><p>She became a little embarrassed and began to walk away from the chuckling Commander, heading towards her quarters without him, but not removing her hands from her blushing cheeks.</p><p>"No, no," He called, following after her regardless of the revoked invitation. They did sleep next to each other that night, falling asleep in each other's arms, although Cullen did continue to poke her for her expression.</p><p>"I swear to the Maker, <em>I will</em>, Cullen!"</p><p>"Okay, <em>okay</em>!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Love ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NSFW warning! Actual one unlike the last few chapters lol. It is the whole chapter.</p><p>Feel free to skip to the end where there is another scene.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following morning, Ayla woke up where she wanted to be - right beside Cullen. Her eyes opened to see his side profile, but he wasn't at peace. Instead, he was groaning, sweating and mumbling things under his breath. It wasn't the first time she saw him that way.</p><p>'<em>I wonder what taunts him in his sleep.</em>' </p><p>"Ah, no! <em>No</em>!" He yelled, shaking himself awake. His chest pulsed faster than before as he slowly opened his eyes. There was a glimpse of sadness again, and she could only imagine the pain he went through during his youth.</p><p>She was a mage.</p><p>He was a templar.</p><p>If she had been at the Circle, that type of fraternization was frowned upon. Though she knew a few apostates whom ran away with ex-templars.</p><p><em>'I suppose I've become one of them.</em>' </p><p>Cullen turned his head to face her. A sad expression on his face as he shifted to face her, tugging her close to him, and kissed her. </p><p>'<em>W-What did he dream about?</em>' She thought before losing herself in his passion.</p><p>His body shifted above her, pinning her against the bed. There was something to his kiss, something that made her crave him, her body yearning for him as she pressed her hips against him. </p><p>It must have been the interruptions. </p><p>All those times they were interrupted must have bottled up their longing for each other that they were ready to blow up. Or maybe it was what Cullen saw in his nightmares, triggering the need to attack Ayla with such passion and need. </p><p>They parted for air. Both panting heavily as they stared each other down. They were both eager, and if given the chance, would tear each other's clothing apart. </p><p>"Let me have you," Cullen spoke in such a deep voice, making her tingle between her legs. </p><p>"Please do," Ayla nodded. </p><p>The corner of his lips curved for a second before he made contact with hers once more. Their fingers wrestled through each other's clothing, parting only to remove it, but they were ready to ravage each other like beasts. Clothing flew left and right, stripping each layer piece by piece, and kicking off their final layer eithout hesitation.</p><p>Cullen's lips left hers, trailing down her chin to her neck, pecking lightly to leave kisses down her body. Each kiss sent shivers down her spine, causing her to rub her thighs together to comfort her throbbing lust for him. </p><p>Ayla combed her fingers through his golden lock, slightly guiding him down a lot faster than he should be. She knew where his destination was, and she wanted it so badly to happen. Moans escaped her lips, her eyes closed as she arched closer to him, calling for him through the motions of her body. He grasped onto her breasts, giving them tender caresses with his thumb as he kissed between them. </p><p>'<em>Holy Maker, this man will be the death of me.</em>' She grew impatient.</p><p>"Cullen," She moaned, biting her lips in frustration as he barely reached to her stomach. He teased for a moment, pecking only one spot as his eyes looked up towards her, enjoying the view of her breasts while feeling her squirming beneath him. </p><p>Ayla - <em>the Inquisitor</em> - was under his control, and it was a guilty pleasure he didn't mind taking advantage of. </p><p>She wrestled around in her thoughts, deciding whether or not she would force him down or let the anticipation frustrate her. There was no way of knowing when he would get to where she wanted him. She was usually not one to wait. Her impatience became evident at each press of his lips. </p><p>"<em>Cullen</em>!" </p><p>A chuckle escaped him. "Sweet Maker, you are impatient," He teased, shuffling about beneath her. She could feel him slither between her thighs, giving light kisses that tickled her skin caused by the stubbles. </p><p>Her lips parted ready to plead for him to hurry, but was met with a gasp of air. </p><p>Cullen touched her in a way he knew pleased her, made her moan in utter bliss at beneath him. Her legs closed spread wider, hips moving closer, shivering for more. </p><p>He knew how to pleasure her, and she loved it.</p><p>'<em>Andraste blessed me with such a lover.</em>' She couldn't help but think to herself of the luck the Maker's wife had blessed her with in finding a man like Cullen. </p><p>The way he moved his lips, her pleasure dancing with his tongue. She was lost in such ecstasy - such <em>passion</em> - that she hadn't realized how she smothered him between her legs, her fingers curling at his hair as she bit her lips to silence her moans. </p><p>They may have been at one of the highest and more secluded towers of Skyhold, but that didn't mean they couldn't be heard. </p><p>'<em>A little- A little more.</em>' </p><p>And the Commander delivered. Tasting her at every movement. </p><p>'<em>Just a little</em>-' </p><p>"Ah!" Ayla's body shivered all over, the sensation overtook her body and she couldn't help but feel so weak from such an explosion of pleasure. Her body fell limp on the bed, her hold on his hair loosened and her legs hung loosely between his shoulders. </p><p>She was defeated. </p><p>But he wasn't finished.</p><p>Cullen stood at the edge of the bed, his arms wrapped around her legs as he tugged her weak form towards him, stopping her just before reaching the edge of the bed, where she felt herself thud against his legs. He was the only thing stopping her from slipping off. </p><p>Her chest continued to move rapidly as she tried to capture her breath, but she couldn't. He kept touching her, trailing her hoods with his fingers while keeping a smug grin across his face. </p><p>A grin he would sometimes show when they've succeeded in a battle. </p><p>In this case, he succeeded. Well, not quite. </p><p>Ayla reopened her eyes to meet the brown ones staring back, he was definitely hungry for this moment. Seeing him so unkempt, naked and vulnerable made her hungry for him. It was a rare sight. Something she took in at each opportunity that she could. </p><p>Cullen was a handsome man, filled with a bundle of things caused by his past, but he was still a man. She didn't treat him any less. </p><p>"I've made sure no one interrupts us," He spoke with a cocky tone. "I will make up for both interruptions." </p><p>Although, to her, at that moment, she was a man on a mission to pleasure.</p><p>The corners of her lips twitched, curving to a smile as she knew exactly what that meant. "Using your authority for the sake of privacy? That is very <em>unlike</em> you, Commander," She joked, still gasping between each word. </p><p>"I did what must be done." He sternly replied, playing along with her.</p><p>"Oh, of course. I understand. Do what must be done, Commander." She continued. It always got her going when they played with their roles and formalities in their private quarters, which was also a distraction when she lusted for him outside of their own privacy and he spoke in such a tone. </p><p>"As you wish, Inquisitor." The devilish look on his face said it all. And without another thought, Cullen entered her. A moment in which they both let out groans in unison, feeling every inch of each other's sex.</p><p>They were connected. </p><p>He locked her legs in his arms, pinning them to his chest as he began to move. At first, the movement was slow, enough for Ayla to capture her breath and get into the rhythm he was going - a rhythm she already danced to multiple times. </p><p>The pace hastened. Whatever he did, she copied. Whatever she did, he copied. They mimicked each other perfectly. She clenched the sheets beneath her, tugging in hopes she wouldn't move from him while his nails gripped tighter into her skin, occasionally nipping her ankles with his teeth. He hadn't broken eye contact with her, although she often would as her eyes closed through her moans. </p><p>Ayla thought he would finish there, instead, he pulled out of her. A disapponted hiss came out of her as she released the sheets from her grasp, her body begging for him. She stood up to scold him, but before she could, he led her to her own desk, a common space they romp around - especially <em>his</em>. </p><p>'<em>Oh Maker, his favourite-</em>' </p><p>Her palms met with a thud against the wood, her body leaned forward and her bottocks in the air. Cullen lined his fingers down her spine, causing shivers throughout. She heard him cuss under his breath, gripping her hips tight, positioning himself before reentering her. </p><p>'<em>-Move..</em>.' </p><p>"Ah!" She hissed. "Maker help me," She gasped, losing her strenght throughout her arms, lowering herself to her elbows. Her breast pressed against her desk, a few papers were beginning to stick to her at each thrust of his movements. Sweat began to stain the said papers as he thrusted harder. </p><p>Ayla let Cullen lead... This time. </p><p>Letting him take control of the pace, the intensity, the positions. She let him command like the Commander that he was. </p><p>He drove himself harder into her. She was whining. She was about to reach climax again. </p><p>"Maker!" Her fist clapped onto the wood beneath him, laying flat atop of her desk with a long exhale. A cuss escaped her, she felt her body ready to break. </p><p>"Are you finished, Inquisitor?" Cullen boasted. </p><p>"There is more?"</p><p>"I have plenty to make up for," He reminded her. Turning her around, giving her a sweet kiss, caressing her cheek as he led her back to the bed. </p><p>They fell and landed together on the Orlais at the same time, his weight on top of her. They were back to their dance. A dance only they got to enjoy, like their dance at the Winter Palace. </p><p>Cullen was definitely better at <em>this</em> type of dancing.</p><p>'<em>Definitely</em>,' She thought as they both groaned, feeling close to the end of their passionate dance. </p><p>They held each other tighter. He moved his lips to her neck, his teeth sank into her skin as he let himself go. </p><p>'<em>I am absolutely certain-'</em></p><p>"I love you," Ayla breathed out in ecstasy, panting beneath him. Her heart was racing. Her lips stayed parted, blowing air in and out of her body. </p><p>Then she noticed him staring above her. He too was panting, but his stare, so different.</p><p>"W-What's wrong?" She said, shyly.</p><p>"I love you too," Cullen responded to her confession.</p><p>'<em>Did... Did I say that out loud?!</em>'</p><p>"I have been waiting for a long time to tell you," He confessed. "I thought of many ways and when to say it, let it be- <em>Perfect</em>."</p><p>Ayla could only smile, caressing the sides of his face as he did the same. The entire atmosphere of the room became a lot different. From ecstasy and passion to loving and sweet. She often found it happening to her and the Commander all the time. </p><p>"I suppose plans change, and I hadn't planned on finding you, but here you are. All that I could ask for, possibly even more." He smiled, a genuine smile, one bigger than their first kiss, bigger than the first night they spent making love.</p><p>"Are you happy?"</p><p>"I know we have a duty, we have things to do in order to succeed on our plans, and my feelings should not get in the way of my task-"</p><p>She pressed her finger against his lips, silencing him before he could start rambling of work once again. It wasn't that hard to trigger that on him.</p><p>"-Cullen, are you happy?" She asked once more.</p><p>"I hope Maker will forgive me for I have to confess-" He prayed. "I am happy, Ayla. You make me happy."</p><p>There he was. A calmer version of the Commander everyone got to know throughout the Inquisition. She could tell he was a little more vulnerable, opening up despite all his internal struggles. Although she was relieved to hear him be happy after leaving his Lyrium intake behind.</p><p>"D-Do I make you happy?" He stuttered.</p><p>"More than you could possibly know," She replied, pulling him down for a sweet kiss.</p><p>×××</p><p>Iron Bull and Varric chattered amongst themselves when Ayla met them at the gates of Skyhold. She was met with smirks and snickers from the two, especially from Bull, who let out a big chuckle as he said, "You look very refreshed, boss."</p><p>"Did you get some well deserved rest?" Varric added.</p><p>Ayla stared at them oddly, her eyes squinted to a glare as she hooked her staff to her belt, her arms then crossed over her chest, pursing her lips. "What are you two snickering about?"</p><p>"Oh nothing, just some nobles talking nonsense at the Grand Hall. I was merely confirming." The Dwarf was poking at her business, which she usually doesn't bother her since she gets information from him at the same time.</p><p>The Qunari, on the other hand, was not very subtle in the way he pokes at her business. For he was blunt and honest. He continued, "I'm sure you deserved it, boss. You needed some relief."</p><p>"Okay, what have you both heard?" She frowned.</p><p>"I'm sure everyone heard," Bull laughed.</p><p>"<em>W-What?</em>" Her eyes narrowed.</p><p>"Ah, I'm pulling your leg, boss," Bull added.</p><p>"Although you've confirmed something happened." Varric laughed.</p><p>"It's because I told Iron Bull about your little rendezvous with the Commander last night. I saw you two walking back to your quarters," Dorian said aloud as he appeared behind her. "And he seems to not know when to shut his mouth," He added, glaring at his own not-so-secret lover.</p><p>"Oh don't be like that, I was lightening up the mood!"</p><p>Ayla waved her arms up in the air and began to start walking towards the bridge. She let out a little huff as she yelled back at her companions - "I'm not sticking my nose in this lovers' quarrel!"</p><p>Bull laughed as Varric added, "It's passion, Inquisitor. <em>Passion</em>!" Quoting a previous conversation they all had together regarding Dorian and the Qunari.</p><p>"Vishante Kaffas!" The Tevinter followed the Inquisitor, muttering colorful Tevene under his breath. </p><p>Bull and Varric shared one more chuckle as the went on their way.</p><p>Those were the people Ayla chose to accompany her to her next travel into danger. The three people Cullen trusted to care for her while she was gone. </p><p>The Commander could only watch her disappear into the distance as he stayed in his office, back to fearing - praying - for his lover to return safely.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Worry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The caves were cold, the noise of their footsteps echoing from the entrance to the depths of where they stood. Ayla held the energized branch she used to guide her companions, before it was of no use as the red glow around the crystals.</p><p>"<em>Andraste's knickers</em>-"</p><p>"-Inquisitor!" Dorian gasped. </p><p>"-Lucky!" Varric chuckled. </p><p>"-That's something you don't hear often!" Bull let out a loud laugh, bellowing the laughter from his stomach.</p><p>Ayla placed her left hand on one of the crystals, letting the anchor glow before destroying the Red Lyrium into tinier pieces. The light dimmed and they were back to relying in the energized branch as a form of light. She turned around to face them, a sigh escaping her lips as she apologized for her vulgar language.</p><p>"I never expected myself to be so close to such a large amount of Red Lyrium," She explained. "I can't imagine how much pain this would cause Cull-" She bit her tongue. "-The <em>Templars</em>. Pain this would cause the Templars."</p><p>"Are you trying to tell us that Curly is taking some of this shit?" Varric didn't sound too pleased. </p><p>"No. I'm already proud of him as he's stopped taking regular Lyrium since the start of the Inquisition." Ayla replied as she gestured for someone to hold onto the light source. Bull grabbed a hold of the branch from her as she lowered down to her knees, picking up a piece that was of no use. She was set on destroying the known sources of the Red Lyrium to feel at ease that she protected Cullen - even just a little bit - knowing full well she can't protect him with his inner demons. She stared at the small shard laying on her palm before gripping tightly enough to let it crumble into dust. A frown appeared on her face.</p><p>"I don't know how to break it to you, boss, but there is plenty more where that came from," Bull commented with the truth.</p><p>"Must you always be so blunt?" Dorian scolded him with barely a whisper.</p><p>"No, no, he's right." Ayla stood up and faced the friends that accompanied her to those caves. She clapped her hands to clear the dust. "We have a duty to rid of the Red Lyrium."</p><p>"We know this hits close to home," Varric spoke up. "But we have to get rid of all this stuff. Kirkwall was a mess because of it."</p><p>"I can only imagine. I've heard the stories, and it didn't sound like something I would have wanted to be a part of-" She turned to Varric. "-Because you know, I am a mage." </p><p>"Ha! I'm sure you've heard it from one of the greatest source too," The drawf teased before an explosion erupted from behind them. The group equipped their weapons, the tip of Ayla's staff turned purple, electricity phasing in and out. Her left hand began to glow as they prepared for another fight.</p><p>"I see Red Templars, boss," Bull called, swinging his two-handed axe over his shoulder.</p><p>"What the hell is that?!" Varric yelled.</p><p>"The Red Lyrium..." Ayla couldn't contain her surprise as a behemoth rose from behind the dimmed crystals, a roar echoed through the cave, the ground shook and rocks began to fall from the roof.</p><p>"Shit, Inquisitor!"</p><p>Oh did rocks begin to fall.</p><p>×××</p><p>"An urgent message from the Inquisitor!" A scout called to the advisers as he burst through the door, waving a piece of torn paper in front of him.</p><p>Cullen, Josephine and Leliana stopped what they were discussing amongst themselves, all three advisers were holding their iron pieces in their hands, devising plans while the Inquisitor was away.</p><p>"An urgent message from the Inquisitor!" He repeated. </p><p>The Commander froze on the spot, his eyes widened as he tightened his grip on his pieces, the other two caught glimpse of his reaction before the scout opened the note and read, "Red Lyrium caves found in Emerald Graves, ambushed. Will report-"</p><p>"Ambushed?!" Cullen repeated with an aggressive tone, slamming his fist onto the wooden table, a few pieces falling out of his hold, while one or two pressed into the leather of his gloves.</p><p>Leliana nodded to her scout, overtaking the orders as it was clear Cullen wasn't in a state to command. "Was that how it ended?" She questioned.</p><p>"Yes," The scout handed over the piece of paper to her, to which Leliana properly took a look at. The paper was a torn, like it had been ripped from the corners of a larger parchment. The scribbles were all over the place, but visible enough to be read as it was clearly written with great haste. Then there were stains that appeared to be a mixture of dirt and blood all around the right side as well as a drop or two above the ink, and it was clear they were attacked.</p><p>Josephine walked over to Leliana, walking cautiously around a very frozen Commander, to have a look. "How can we be sure it is from the Inquisitor?" Her voice filled with worry.</p><p>"This, Josie," Leliana flipped the paper on the other side to point at the Insquisition's mark. "This came from an Emerald Graves report regarding the investigation of Red Lyrium in the area."</p><p>"Ah," Josephine mouthed.</p><p>"Has Scout Harding sent news?" Leliana continued, but the scout only shook his head. "All right, that is all," She nodded and further excused him from the war room.</p><p>Once the doors slammed behind the scout, Cullen finally exhaled, releasing all the air he held in to try and calm down. He released all his pieces and rubbed his temple, a throbbing pain came from each side. The talks of Red Lyrium and the Inquisitor in one sentence frightened him, made him think of the worse, because he knew the worse.</p><p>"Are you all right?" Josephine broke the silence that filled the war room. She placed her board and pen down to give him her full attention.</p><p>"I worry," Cullen muttered under his breath. "And that's all I can ever do."</p><p>"That is not true," The Ambassador spoke up. "It may not be evident to you, Commander, but the Inquisitor does look to you when there is a sense of uncertainty. This has been something she always did prior to your... Hmm, engagements."</p><p>"That is true. In fact, when the Inquisitor returns from her missions, she may report to us, but she could only ever stare at you," The Spymaster added.</p><p>"I think you could say that you give the Inquisitor the stability she truly needs amongst the chaos, and that is something not everyone can give her, except you, Commander," Josephine explained while trying hard to hide her inner romantic. She swooned for stories like theirs. She cleared her throat and picked up her belongings again, she wandered over to her side of the war table and beckoned to the map - specifically the area marked Emerald Graves. She then asked, "What should we do?"</p><p>Both women looked at the Commander, waiting for him to speak. His arms lowered down to the iron pieces scattered in front of him, picking one up, he placed it on top of Emerald Graves and said, "We send forces to regroup with the Inquisitor. We don't have much time if she and her party are in trouble, but it takes nearly six days by horses to get there."</p><p>Leliana fought a smile as she saw his determination come out of no where. It was no wonder Cassandra recommended him. She gave a slight nod as she added to his suggestion - "We don't have enough mounts to send a large amount of soldiers, may I suggest only a few go while I send my people to examine the area? I have a few all ready in the area."</p><p>"The problem is, we don't know where the caves are." Josephine sighed.</p><p>"It should be close to the Veridium mines, that is where the reports stated sightings of Red Lyrium." Leliana replied as she and Josephine began a discussion about said report, while Cullen began to focus on the map. His palms flat on the table as he battled with the pounding of his head and the worry of his heart. He needed to focus. He needed to save Ayla.</p><p>Then he remembered.</p><p>He rose from the table and said, "We have soldiers assigned at Emprise du Lion. We can send a group to Emerald Graves from the keep there, although it would take a day or two on horses, it is still less time than directly sending soldiers from Skyhold. We will then send soldiers to Emprise du Lion as replacements so we aren't short for any of Corypheus's attack."</p><p>"That would work." </p><p>The three of them discussed and agreed on the final touches before Leliana sent out a raven. Cullen felt confident it would work, although he wished he could have been the one to help his beloved. A sigh escaped him, he couldn't be her hero. </p><p>Not this time.</p><p>Still feeling a headache, Cullen excused himself from the war room earlier than usual, he brought with him the reports he needed to look over. Hovering his gaze over each stroke of ink, trying to understand the words, but they wouldn't translate. His pace hastened as he wanted to avoid speaking with anyone on his way towards his office, taking the fastest yet quietest route through the elf mage's quarters, he managed to slip away without anyone noticing.</p><p>The Commander locked the doors behind him, searching the room for any changes, but it was left with how he wanted it. Arranged, clean and in complete order. Another exhale escaped him, his head still beating him as he wandered to his desk. A particular case left right in the center.</p><p>'<em>No, I shouldn't.</em>' He thought to himself as he hovered over it. The Lyrium calling for him to open his kit and take it. A desire he's been fighting against for months. He would definitely not hear the end of it from Cassandra if he fell back into his addiction.</p><p>Ayla - <em>especially</em> - would not be happy with him, and he would be ashamed to show his face around her ever again.</p><p>'<em>No, I can't. I promised her.</em>' </p><p>He threw the case into one of his drawers, slamming it shut as he grasped his head. The ache became a lot more unbearable as he lowered to his knees and placed his forehead on his desk. Echoes of his demons kept calling.</p><p>"No!" He groaned before he fell to the floor, still grasping on the pain that won't leave him. His tongue began to feel dry, his throat parched, yet the chills began to take over.</p><p>This was his struggle.</p><p>One he refused to show Ayla.</p><p>This was a part of him he felt that he should fight on his own. His withdrawal was an ugly sight. He never wanted to show her this side of him.</p><p>'<em>I can fight this.</em>'</p><p>×××</p><p>"We can fight this!" Ayla's voice echoed in the caves as she threw lightning bolts left and right, stunning the red templars and the beast they evolved to. The stun gave them enough time to run for more distance.</p><p>"Our magic is of no use!" She yelled as she saw her attacks deflected at each throw.</p><p>"Where are we going, boss?" Bull asked while running behind her. He made sure he had the other three in line of sight to protect them. "They blocked our exit."</p><p>Ayla stopped running, taking in deep breaths as she opened her left hand, the anchor illuminated the room to a bright green. A painful yell escaped her as she opened a rift just above the group of red templars. Screams echoed as one by one they were sucked in, except of course, the tainted behemoth. She closed the rift and darkness took over. Bull helped her balance, holding her as they continued their escape deeper and deeper into the cave.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Worry ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope everyone had a good Christmas break with loved ones &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Any news?"</p><p>Leliana shook her head, raising her hand to give him a message she recently received from her raven. Cullen took it from her, reading through the message from Scout Harding.</p><p>"They found the cave," He mumbled.</p><p>"The caves are currently being worked on. Your soldiers are close, we need them to assure the scouts are safe once they open the entrance." Leliana rolled open her personal map, pointing directly at the location then drawing circles at certain points. "This is where the cave was found, there is an exit at this point and a possible one here. I have people waiting at both sides and hope the Inquisitor and her party would find it."</p><p>"No signs of the Inquisitor?"</p><p>She shook her head. "Unfortunately not."</p><p>"All right, thank you, Leliana." Cullen turned to leave, not before Leliana added, "We are all worried for her, Cullen. We are trying our best."</p><p>He looked over his shoulder to give her a nod, giving only a faint smile before making his way down the stairs. He wasn't able to sleep properly, other than his on-going battle with his Lyrium withdrawal, he was worried sick for the woman he deeply cared for. </p><p>With her role as an Inquisitor, Ayla had to be constantly watched to make sure she was safe in her travels, but there was always the fear of hearing she wasn't going to be back. Despite the ravens, the scouts and her travel companions, the possibility of her not returning remained low. Iron Bull even declared that he and his Chargers would protect her no matter what, despite the agreed fee, they were also doing it out of their own respect for the Inquisitor. </p><p>Cullen, as her lover, felt he couldn't protect her even if he tried. He had a duty for the Inquisition, and even with their relationship, he chose not to leave his post in Skyhold unless he really had to. It was so the soldiers had a Commander and she had someone to return home to.</p><p>'<em>Where are you?</em>' He thought as he looked up to the sky, it was clear, despite the hole in the sky. A forced smile appeared on his face as he said to himself - "Knowing her, she will return to Skyhold all bloodied and still have something unrelated to say."</p><p>He wasn't wrong.</p><p>×××</p><p>"I don't think it's the right time, but I am famished," Ayla said out of the blue as she and her companions were digging through rocks.</p><p>"I think we all are," Dorian sighed as he flicked smaller rocks off with his staff. "Besides, we told you what your options were."</p><p>"I know, I know, but I would rather starve than eat a spider. The Circle ruined that for me." She groaned. </p><p>They killed the behemoth that trailed them, despite trying to hide and not knowing where in the caves they were, the four of them managed to corner the beast and end his suffering. They were just as beat up as the beast, hungry and exhausted, they took turns to lighten up the mood despite the lack of motivation. Not long after the behemoth collapsed, it exploded and caused a shake around them, which helped as they managed to find a glimpse of the outside through a small hole behind a lot of rubble.</p><p>"I've got to hand it to the Ostwick Circle, Inquisitor, as boring as you always make it sound, you came out with quite a humor," Varric complimented as he threw a rock behind them, wiping his sweat off his forehead and letting out a heavy exhale.</p><p>"You don't know half of it, Varric. I always had to find something to do with my time," Ayla complained. "Vivienne can tell you the reputation it has."</p><p>"I bet you'd much rather be in the Circle right now, feasting on the spoils they gave you," Bull said as he managed to loosen up a bigger rock that he's focused on for a very long time. Dorian's even scolded him for it. "Tell us, boss, was there someone there?"</p><p>"Oh," Varric perked up. "Come on, don't tell me it was another forbidden Templar-Mage love!" His sudden burst of energy got him working faster.</p><p>"There is nothing wrong with that!" She laughed. "And no, I was too shy to pursue it." She mumbled the end and let the thud of rock completely mute her words.</p><p>"I see you have a type, Inquisitor. Has to be dashing, a little awkward, and definitely a history with the Templar Order," Dorian teased and gave her a little smack on the arm, though weak, it made her slip and land flat on her bottom.</p><p>The other three paused, holding their breaths for a reaction. She only let out a painful moan before letting laughter escape her. She really couldn't help it and she didn't know what took over her.</p><p>"What is so funny?" Dorian questioned her as he helped her up. "Was it something I said?"</p><p>Ayla wiped the tears escaping her, managing to clean a little of her blood off her cheeks. "My mentor once told me to be careful with what I wished for. I said I wanted to be free from the Circle. I didn't imagine that would lead me here," She said in between her giggles. "And the laughter is from the irony mixed with hunger. I am really hungry."</p><p>"I think being trapped in a cave is getting to our mighty leader, Sparkler." Varric managed to say while tugging at the same rock Iron Bull was working on for a while.</p><p>"It appears so," Dorian sighed.</p><p>"Maker's breath," Ayla breathed, finally ending her fits of laughter. "Okay, okay, I think that just regenerated a little energy in me. Move out of the way, we can try it again." She commanded as a true leader.</p><p>'<em>I have to get back to Skyhold...</em>' She thought, taking in a deep breath, raising her right hand to point her staff at the rocks. Fire illuminated from the tip of her staff, a ball formed and she did one large swing towards the rocks. </p><p>This was a final attempt.</p><p>This took all of her reserved energy.</p><p>"I need to get back to Cullen." She whispered under her breath as the ball of fire collided with the loosened rocks. Her chest pounded up and down, her vision a little blurry, but she watched as the rocks blew into pebbles, scattering to the floor.</p><p>'<em>Birds... I hear birds.</em>'</p><p>Bull and Varric quickly moved the remaining large pieces getting in their way while Dorian tossed an arm around the weak Ayla, letting her lean on him for balance. They waited for the pieces to fall, one by one. </p><p>Then there was light. </p><p>All four of them squinted, covering their eyes as they were met with a gush of wind that smelled like fresh air - they all took deep breaths of it.</p><p>'<em>Sweet Maker we made it.</em>' She released a relieving sigh, finally feeling free from the burden of failing as a leader to her companions.</p><p>"You did it, boss. That last one really did it!" Bull cheered before a yawn escaped him, stretching his arms up to the air. His bones were cracking, muscles flexing as he loosened up a little.</p><p>Varric picked up their weapons, tucking Bianca first and foremost before everyone else. He complimented his beloved crossbow with a pat as they all walked out together. Dorian had to guide Ayla out, on step at a time, she looked a little more pale than usual, but she held up quite fine.</p><p>"The Inquisitor! The Inquisitor is here!" A scout yelled and beckoned towards the group.</p><p>Soldiers followed the scouts in greeting the Inquisitor and her companions. Scout Harding greeted them by a temporary camp, cots laid out beneath a large, maroon tent held by strong wood and ropes. Dorian led Ayla to one of the cots, sitting her down as he asked a scout for some water.</p><p>"-And food. Food would be very good right now," Ayla spoke up with a faint yet cheeky smile to Dorian. He could only shake his head at her before relaying the message. </p><p>She watched as most of the scouts scattered to investigate the caves with the soldiers. The reactions of the soldiers and scouts replayed in her mind as they saw the four of them walking out of rubble, covered in dirt and blood. A few cuts around their bodies from rocks falling on them as well as the fight with the tainted red Templars, and bruises began to form also. </p><p>'<em>Thank Maker and Andraste that my message was received.</em>' Ayla said to herself as she stared down at her blistered right hand, where her mana burned her skin from the forced concentration she had to do to do one last explosion. Her body ached and she felt faint. </p><p>'<em>I'm probably just hungry.</em>' </p><p>She turned to Scout Harding, and said, "Please send a message to our advisers. Let them know we're safe and have properly been tended to. The Red Lyrium deposits we found in the caves were destroyed as well as the Templars and a crystallized behemoth."</p><p>"Yes, your worship."</p><p>"Secondly, if you could get me ink and paper, I have a private message for the Commander." </p><p>For the moment, she didn't want to keep her love life a secret, all she wanted to do was ease the worry she knew Cullen went through once her first message was received at Skyhold.</p><p>"I'll leave you be," Dorian excused himself. Patting her gently on the shoulder before he wandered off towards Bull and Varric. </p><p>Ayla only watched as her loyal friends were tended to. Her worry calmed a little at the sight of bandages around their arms as well as receiving the food and water they rightfully deserved. Bull, obviously, devouring more than his fair share. </p><p>The scenery behind them looked just like the books she read at the Circle, the vines drooping from trees that stood as tall as Skyhold, and the animals were as loud as they wanted to be, not fearing captivity or death. Emerald Graves was a beautiful sight. A shame they never really got to see it.</p><p>"Inquisitor," Scout Harding broke her out of her train of thought as she was handed the ink and the paper. The scout turned away to give her privacy.</p><p>'<em>I wish I could be there to tell him I was back.</em>' Her heart fluttered at the thought of being caught in his loving embrace. Inhaling his signature scent. </p><p>'<em>Before I receive a well deserved lecture.</em>' She smirked as she dipped the tip of the quill pen into the dark ink.</p><p>As Ayla wrote her message, she can picture Cullen's reaction. From a frustrated frown that he couldn't help her to a relieved exhale that she was alive and well enough to write him something. She could hear him cuss and grumble about a few things before preparing a lenghty lecture for her about why she couldn't have called for aid prior to entering an unknown territory, especially without soldiers to back her up.</p><p>'<em>I am actually excited to hear it.</em>' She wrinkled her nose in excitement, but she was quicker to react and get rid of her goofy smile before anyone had noticed. '<em>No, no, not again, Ayla.</em>'</p><p>"Here you go, Scout Harding," Ayla called as she folded the paper into a reasonable size for travel.</p><p>Scout Harding nodded. "I'll make sure it arrives as soon as possible, Inquisitor."</p><p>"You are so reliable," She complimented.</p><p>"I try my best." The scout smiled before excusing herself, in time for her food and water to arrive. Excited was an understatement as she stabbed the fork into the bread roll, taking a big bite. </p><p>"Eat up, boss!" Bull cheered, raising his mug of water.</p><p>Ayla rose her fork and laughed once she swallowed what was in her mouth. "I told you I was hungry," She reminded him as she showed off the big bite she took from her roll.</p><p>If her Mother had been there, she definitely would not be impressed by her table manners.</p><p>×××</p><p>"Urgent message from Scout Harding!" A scout called, interrupting the meeting in the war room.</p><p>Leliana beckoned for Cullen to turn around as he had been standing at the opposite side of the war table - where Ayla would usually stand during their meetings. He faced the scout, his hands resting calmly on his sword as the scout entered.</p><p>"Get on with it," Cullen scolded.</p><p>"Scout Harding has reported that the Inquisitor and her companions have been found, the Inquisitor has asked to relay the following-" The scout shuffled two pieces of paper, one opened and one folded tightly. She gave over the opened paper to Leliana and the closed one to Cullen before she bowed and excused herself.</p><p>Leliana skimmed through the message before reading it to the other two in the room. "The Inquisitor said that they are fine and properly tended to. She's reported the destruction of the Red Lyrium deposits found in the cave, encountering what seems to Red Templars and a crystallized behemoth along the way."</p><p>"Crystallized behemoth?" Josephine and Cullen both repeated at the same time.</p><p>"Yes," Leliana nodded. "The scouts and soldiers have already entered the cave to clear anything else as well as inspect what happened in there. We will find out what it is once we get any more information."</p><p>"Good, I guess now we just have wait for the Inquisitor and her party to arrive to find out more," Cullen said with a hint of relief as he fiddled with the corners of the folded paper. An ounce of excitement got to him as the anticipation to have the privacy to read the letter got to him. A smile couldn't be contained.</p><p>Both women noticed and exchanged glances. There was no secret that the Inquisitor and the Commander were in a relationship, and in recent days, the two have not been so subtle about it.</p><p>"You seem very excited for her return, Commander," Josephine teased.</p><p>Cullen cleared his throat, quickly slipping the paper into his gloves, guarding it. He rubbed the back of his neck as he replied, "I'm sure all of us are. I mean, it has been a stressful time and all."</p><p>"I suppose you are correct," Josephine smiled as she then began to scribble in her board. "I know of people who owe the Inquisition, they can bring aid to Skyhold to prepare some medical aid."</p><p>"I'll get the scouts to send reports regularly to keep us posted with the Inquisitor," Leliana added. "Should we take a moment to deal with the recent news and regroup in an hour?"</p><p>"Uh, yes- That sounds good." Cullen quickly replied, marching out of the room without another word. He was quick to wander through the halls, through all the people in Skyhold before reaching the barracks. He stood by his desk as he took his glove off, the folded paper falling out. His eyes followed.</p><p>The excitement took over him as he wrestled for the paper to open.</p><p>Then the words appeared before him.</p><p>Ayla's words written on paper.</p><p>His brown eyes moved from left to right, thoroughly reading each line more than once, understanding the ink stains that came together as a message. A chuckle escaped him as she knew exactly what to write to get to him.</p><p>The letter read - "Ser Cullen, I have never enjoyed the bread rolls as much as now. I won't ever take them for granted. Don't worry anymore, I'll be back soon. My ears are ready. Lady Trevelyan."</p><p>"A lecture is in order," He joked as he finished reading the five lines that relieved him of his worries.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Worry iii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy New Year :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"After our adventures in the cave, I've realized that I have actually ventured and endured a lot since I left the Ostwick Circle," Ayla joked with Varric.</p><p>"Would you have it any other way?" The dwarf asked her as he sipped the flask he filled with a little rum to keep him warm during the travel. They were both wrapped with a blanket, covered with bandages and bruises.</p><p>"Well it's still better than what I endured in the Circle," She replied. '<em>And I wouldn't have met Cullen,</em>' She added in her thoughts. </p><p>It had been days of a walking, resting and walking cycle since they left Emerald Graves. The ravens were flying back and forth for her and Scout Harding as a means to keep the advisers constantly aware of their situation and whereabouts. After being trapped in a cave, Ayla understood such reaction - her Parents would be doing the same. And after being deprived from the outdoors for some time, she no longer minded the sun, the change of weather each region had and the coldness of Frostback Mountain. The cold frosty breeze was a clear indication that they were nearing Skyhold, the familiar mountain views and passing the shrine where Haven used to be. These were the familiar sights she enjoyed, even though they've all traveled on it countless amount of times. </p><p>The only difference this time is the amount of scouts and soldiers with them, escorting them back to Skyhold with strict orders from the advisers not to let the Inquisitor out of their sight - although Ayla knew who specifically gave that order. </p><p>Iron Bull's Chargers even met them halfway, the same adviser told them to after getting a thumbs up from their leader. Krem and the crew joked at Bull's expense when they saw his left arm in a sling, a sprain not caused by the rocks he moved, but because he slipped and landed awkwardly after being told not to climb a particular incline.</p><p>Nonetheless, it was a packed journey, considering Ayla usually traveled with three other people. </p><p>"Boss, so I was thinking, when we get back, can we have a drink?" Bull called from the front of the crowd. He waved a bottle of rum that one of his Chargers possibly brought him, one he shared with Varric.</p><p>"Only if we play another round of Wicked Grace in the tavern again," She yelled back. That was a night to remember, except for the people - <em>person</em> - who lost clothing during that session. </p><p>Dorian chuckled and added, "I definitely wouldn't mind catching a glimpse of our strong Commander again. Only if you let us, Inquisitor."</p><p>"That wasn't my doing," She laughed.</p><p>"Ruffles wouldn't say no to an invitation," Varric plotted beside her. "Curly might be hard to convince though. I might need your help, Inquisitorness."</p><p>Ayla could only shake her head at him as they finally reached the gates of Skyhold, it was already opened to welcome them back. People stopped and cheered once they caught glimpse of her walking in, welcoming her back. She excused herself from the pack once they all reached the courtyard, thanking everyone long the way as she rushed to the war room. </p><p>Nobles were in whispers as soon as they saw her torn up, despite being cleaned up with new clothing. Her blistered hands were covered in bandages, but would have been one of the worst lecture from her noble parents, so she already figured what the nobles were saying in the Grand Hall.</p><p>"<em>Inquisitor</em>-"</p><p>Ayla entered the room with a smile as her advisers turned to her, gasping at her appearance. Her hazel eyes met the familiar brown, relieved he was there, she faced the other two too, greeting them with a nod.</p><p>"I hope I'm not intruding," She said as she closed the doors behind her.</p><p>"Not at all," Leliana replied. </p><p>"Welcome back, Inquisitor," Josephine added, her gaze looked up and down. "I suspect one of the requests is a bath and new clothes?" She teased, repeating the two things Ayla always asked whenever she returned to Skyhold after a some time away.</p><p>"You know me too well, Ambassador," Ayla smirked as she approached the table and looked down at the map. The iron pieces were piling up in regards to new favors and calls for aid from the Inquisition.</p><p>"I am glad to see my agents have tended to you well," Leliana spoke as she laid out four pieces of paper with very accurate head to feet sketches of Ayla, Varric, Iron Bull and Dorian. Her fingers tapped on each one as she explained, "The injuries you all received were properly documented by the aide that we sent with them. Based on the reports from the inspection in the cave, we're relieved none of you have been tainted by the Red Lyrium deposits. Such quantity is dangerous. Thanks to your efforts, deposits in that cave were all destroyed."</p><p>"I'm glad," Ayla sighed. "A crystallized behemoth appears to be a manifestation of the Red Templars. It has no mind of its own, just brute strength."</p><p>"Tell us more."</p><p>And so she did. The meeting lasted for hours as it went from her finding in Emerald Graves to the plot to the sudden appearances of rifts in Frostback Basin. Ayla's personality became the Inquisitor she was dubbed to be, forgetting how completely different she was when she first walked in the war room and saw Cullen. Her knees weren't weak nor did her heart skip a beat as she focused on her upcoming missions, and Cullen was the same. He acted exactly like the Commander everyone grew to know and admire.</p><p>By the end of the meeting, the Breach was all they could see in the clear skies, glowing the very noticeable green glow.</p><p>"I will send my agents to research the basin, Josephine will contact Empress Celene in regards to the march to Andamant Fortress, Cullen will prepare the soldiers and templars for the travels, and Inquisitor, once the reports are in, we will leave the challenge of the Avvar barbarians to you." Leliana concluded the meeting by repeating their agreed tasks.</p><p>Ayla nodded and excused herself first. She wanted to get into a hot bath and wash away the remaining dirt and dried up blood that stayed on despite the quick bathe in one of the rivers they passed on the way back, and the wounds also needed to be dressed by the aid once she was done. Her mind was in a jumble, she couldn't think straight as everything that happened and was to happen were coming together. </p><p>'<em>What would happen when this all ended?</em>'</p><p>She made it to her quarters without talking to anyone, surprisingly, not even Cullen came to see her. She was alone in her bath, soaking and feeling the lukewarm water touch the cuts on her arms and legs, a larger cut on her left side was from a Red Templar who charged at Bull's back. She had to burn herself to seal the wound for her to be able to get back to fighting with her companions. Her fingers trailed her newer wounds that overlapped older ones, knowing they would scar just like the old that she received at the Circle.</p><p>'<em>I can't keep pretending that deep down, I'm okay or that I'm somebody's hero. I'm not. I'm here because of this stupid thing.</em>'</p><p>The anchor lit up as she glared at her left hand.</p><p>'<em>How many more times are you going to endanger people I care about? How many more sleepless nights because of the nightmares you give me? Will the demon ever leave me?</em>'</p><p>A loud, disappointed moan escaped her as she sank under the water, her eyes fully shut as she tried her best to shut off her own mind.</p><p>"Lady Trevelyan," A soft voice called.</p><p>Ayla pulled herself back above water and panted for air, water dripping down her bronze locks as she turned over to the door of her bathroom. A familiar elf woman stood, looking away with a leather bag of her own supplies. She was the aide that tended to her and everyone else's wounds.</p><p>"Oh, yes, hi," Ayla greeted as she pushed herself out of the water, the drops sliding down her body and to the wooden floorboards. Grabbing the towel draped on the shelf, she loosely covered herself, enough to cover what needed to be and met the elf into her quarters, she sat at the edge of her bed waiting to be tended to once again.</p><p>She watched the elf open her bag and pull out bottles and bandages as well as a pair of scissors. She let herself be taken care of as she weakly hunched over, watching her wounds be dabbed with the liquid that made her flinch then covered in more bandages. For once, she felt like she could breathe while someone else took care of her.</p><p>Then her mind wondered to Cullen. '<em>He took care of me too.</em>'</p><p>A weak smile curved on her pursed lips at the thought. He was very caring towards her, even when he was awkward, but he always put his duty first and made sure - as the Commander - everyone was safe. She always was safe when she slept in his arms, hearing and feeling him next to her actually made her sleep well throughout the night.</p><p>"Ayla-" Her name echoed into her thoughts. "-Oh am I interrupting something? Should I come back?"</p><p>"No, no, Commander! I am almost done," The aide stuttered in front of her as she snipped the bandages that were wrapped tightly around her blistered fingers.</p><p>Ayla looked up and met with Cullen's soft and loving gaze, approaching the two of them as he peeked down at what was happening. She could tell from the way he licked his lips and pressed them together that he desperately wanted to greet her with a kiss - even if it were just on the top of her head.</p><p>"How are you doing?" He asked calmly.</p><p>"I could be better, but one can't complain. Thanks to the lovely aide here, I could have been bleeding a lot more," She replied, complimenting the elf who helped her throughout the journey back.</p><p>"Oh Lady Trevelyan," The elf blushed. "I am sure I can't take all the credit."</p><p>Ayla smiled. "Only very few people make me feel safe and make me stop worrying."</p><p>"I am glad to help you, Lady Trevelyan." The elf nearly choked as she stood up and bowed. "I will be back in the morning to check on your wounds."</p><p>"Thank you- Uh- I never caught your name."</p><p>"Eloris, your worship."</p><p>Ayla nodded and reached her beat up right hand for a handshake. "I apologize, Eloris, for not remembering your name."</p><p>Eloris shook her hand with hesitation before bowing once more. She began to put her things away, rushing out awkwardly.</p><p>"Poor girl is flabbergasted by your acknowledgement of her," Cullen spoke as soon as they both heard the quarter doors shut. "You forget how effective your fame is around people, my love."</p><p>"My love?" Her eyes narrowed. That was the first he ever called her that. Her heart fluttered all over in her chest as she reached and grabbed his bare hands with her bandage-covered ones. </p><p>"Say it again," She teased with a big grin on her face.</p><p>"S-Say what again?" He stuttered. "W-What are you talking about?"</p><p>"<em>My love</em>," She repeated.</p><p>"My love?" He repeated, pretending he didn't know what she was talking about.</p><p>"Fine." Ayla pouted as she stood up, the towel still loosely covering her body as she walked over to her wardrobe. "What brings you here?"</p><p>She could feel Cullen's stare on her as she took the towel off of her, fully exposed in front of him, fully showing him the exposed cuts that were bandaged and the scars. She shivered at the unexpected touch, his fingers trailed the burned cut on her left side, a fresh one he hadn't seen before. They've both seen and memorized every scar on each other's body, their past visible when they were exposed.</p><p>"Oh my love," Cullen whispered as he kneeled beside her naked form and pressed his lips against her left hip. The stubbles around his chins tickled her skin. A little giggle escaped her as she reached and combed her fingers through his golden locks.</p><p>'<em>Maker, he's handsome.</em>'</p><p>He let out a sigh as he leaned his forehead against her hip, a whimper escaped him. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer to him into an embrace, and his armor was cold against her skin. He sounded so upset as he whispered, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. Inquisitor or not, Ayla, I need to do better. I have to do better."</p><p>"Cullen," She whimpered. "You do so much already."</p><p>"But not for you," He argued.</p><p>"W-What do you mean?"</p><p>Cullen looked up at her, appearing like a lost puppy as his lips were pouted together. He was visibly upset and Ayla's heart just sank. She didn't want him to feel that way, in fact, she never thought she made him feel that way. The pain in her chest became heavier the more she became cloud by guilt. </p><p>Her lips quivered, her eyes began to water as she opened her lips to say, "Cullen, I'm sorry I make you feel this way." </p><p>He caught her as soon as her knees weakened and soon fell to the ground, tears formed as she tossed herself onto him, her arms clung around his neck as she apologized over and over. Cullen could only craddle her in his arms, holding her as close as he could, never wanting to let her go.</p><p>"Promise me something," He whispered into her ear.</p><p>"Anything," She sobbed.</p><p>"Promise me when all this is over, when we can finally start a life together, you'll let me protect you-"</p><p>'<em>Start a life together?</em>'</p><p>"-Promise me that you let me fight the fight too, carry some of the weight on your shoulders, make you feel just as safe as how you make me and the rest of Thedas do-" He pulled from her slightly, enough to be able to stare into her hazel eyes, the seriousness of his face was enough to convince her he was true to his words and completely honest. </p><p>'<em>He really thought about me. About us, even between all this chaos.</em>'</p><p>"-Promise me that you'll finally stay put... With me."</p><p>Ayla's tears continued to drop as she barely managed to say, "I promise."</p><p>Sealing such promise with a kiss.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Scars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NSFW warning for this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning sun peeked through the single window of Cullen's private area above his own office, where they lay in the comfort of his bed. These were the rare times amidst the war and chaos that they were able to enjoy some peace and quiet, being able to act like they were free to be a couple and feel a sense of hope to be able to continue the relationship afterwards. </p>
<p>It was only yesterday everyone who chose to battle at Adamant Fortress returned safely, all exhausted and beat up, they were given time to breathe before finding the next step. Ayla ultimately took the Grey Wardens in to fight for the Inquisition. A very stressful decision, nonetheless, needed to be done, despite all the debate afterwards from her advisers and companions. </p>
<p>So the time in the Commander's bed was definitely a rare, stress-free and rather comforting moment for the both of them as they lay naked side by side beneath the sheets. </p>
<p>Ayla was examining Cullen's face, her fingers trailing the scar along his lip. It was defined and very evident. "What happened?" She whispered.</p>
<p>"At Kirkwall-"</p>
<p>"-At the uprising?"</p>
<p>"I- Well, <em>no</em>, I wished it was a much more interesting story for me to tell." Cullen didn't sound too impressed at the thought of recalling that particular memory.</p>
<p>'<em>He says that but it always becomes much more interesting,</em>' She thought to herself as she stared into his brown eyes so seriously.</p>
<p>Cullen released a sigh, shifting his eyes away from her as he answered, "During one of our training sessions with new Templars, one of the clumsier ones tripped and his helmet flew perfectly at my direction. I hadn't been paying attention, so it hit me directly in the face. My lip was bloodied and torn."</p>
<p>"Wait, what?" Ayla was confused, that sounded like something Varric would write as a comedic relief in one of his books. Puzzled, she pushed herself with her elbow to look down and face his gaze, where she tried to read his expression. "Is that really what happened?"</p>
<p>"No, and I clearly can't lie to you," He sighed in defeat. "It was in Kirkwall, I was in Templar armor, I got home late one night and slipped on a rug and punched myself in the face with my gauntlet."</p>
<p>A laugh escaped her, but his face had been dead serious, and his eyes weren't shifting about. "Oh, you're not lying..." She mumbled.</p>
<p>"Unfortunately not," He replied as he touched the scar on his lip. "I couldn't tell anyone what happened. It got worse when the young recruits were making stories of how it came about, and I didn't correct anyone either. Only you know the actual truth."</p>
<p>"Oh Cullen," She cooed, trying hard to hold in her giggles as she leaned over to give him a kiss. Her first thought being - '<em>He is as silly as I thought he would be.</em>'</p>
<p>"Now, I've always been curious about this," Cullen asked as soon as they parted. He pointed to one particularly hidden one just beneath her left breast, perfectly aligned between her ribs. It helped reaffirm her that he was very observant with her, both physically and emotionally. </p>
<p>'<em>No one's ever noticed that before,</em>' Ayla thought to herself as she reached down and felt said scar. The scar was just as bumpy as his, not the same size, but enough to catch one's eye if they were in bed together. The jagged shape was obvious to anyone that held a weapon that the shape was of a blade.</p>
<p>"It's angled in such a way to stab you, specifically in your heart," He pointed out as he placed his hand above hers, feeling the scar. He began to sound a little overprotective. "What happened? O-Only if you want to tell me, I-"</p>
<p>She pressed a finger on his lips before he could start stuttering away. A weak smile curved at her lips as she said, "You're not wrong."</p>
<p>"R-Really?" He frowned.</p>
<p>"It was during the mage rebellion, even though we stayed as neutral as possible, a few mages were angry that a few of us didn't do anything and attacked our own. One templar tried to fend off a rebelling mage, and I had gotten in the way to pry them off each other. Despite my meddling, the mage stabbed me using the blade at the bottom of his staff with the intention to kill. Fortunately, a senior enchantress was there to help me. A lot of elfroot and magic was used that day, and I was lucky to have lived by the end of it." Ayla recalled the story as if it were yesterday, while Cullen didn't seem too impressed by the truth. </p>
<p>"That is far more interesting that what I told you." He tried to calm himself with a joke. "I mean, y-you could have died."</p>
<p>"I did what I had to do, I didn't want to see anyone die," She replied so casually. "There were so many things wrong, but neither of them deserved to die."</p>
<p>Cullen reached over and caressed her, his fingers trailing across her cheek. "That is why I fell in love with you," He confessed. "Something drew me to you, and this was it. You are unselfish when it comes to helping other people."</p>
<p>She lay back down, cupping his hand with hers as she enjoyed his touch. He made her feel warm and tingly, and genuinely happy. Something she hasn't felt in quite a long time.</p>
<p>"I must confess something," Ayla spoke up, her heart began to ache. "The mage that nearly killed me was an old lover, and I hadn't been able to fully trust anyone since. You being the first since then."</p>
<p>"His loss," Cullen smugly replied.</p>
<p>"That's really what you're going to say?" She laughed.</p>
<p>"Of course, he's a fool to have let you go." He sounded a little more threatened at the thought someone else had her.</p>
<p>"You're not going to stab me too, are you? I have told you countless amount of times that I am a mage."</p>
<p>A snort escaped him. "I'm not who I was in Ferelden or in Kirkwall," He reminded her as those were the things he told her when they first confessed their feelings for each other. His gaze softened, staring into hers. "I may have been a templar, but that's behind me now. The thought of every hurting you... I can't. I don't think you would have loved me the way you do now if you met that version of me."</p>
<p>"Good," Ayla responded smugly, teasing his previous tone with her. "As long as there are no other that would come for my head because of you-"</p>
<p>"-<em>Ha</em>!" He chuckled. "I highly doubt that."</p>
<p>"Not even an old lover? Or two?" She poked.</p>
<p>"Who? Old templars and a noble woman? I think you could take them on if they tried," He joked back.</p>
<p>"Oh, so you are experienced in the area of nobility."</p>
<p>"I don't think she can ever compare to you, Lady Trevelyan. None of them do." Cullen said with such confidence that she didn't even need to ask any other questions. He flashed her one of his signature smirks before he pulled her closer to him, rolling her on top. Ayla felt a little embarrassed as straddled him in the nude, her beat up body exposed once more, but he could only lovingly stare. He was examining any more scars he wanted to ask about while caressing the new one on her left hip. </p>
<p>He was very cautious and tender with his touch.</p>
<p>"Maker, you're beautiful," He mumbled under his breath as she felt him begin to shuffle beneath her, there was a touch of warmth between her legs, pressing against her. She reached between her legs, feeling himself harden between her fingers. Leaning forward, she began pecking her lips along his jawline, whispering, "Did you lock the door, Commander?"</p>
<p>"Of course," He moaned against her touch.</p>
<p>"We have time," She whispered, stroking him.</p>
<p>"T-Time for w-what?"</p>
<p>"To show you all my love and let you forget those old lovers you've had," Ayla said with heavy breathing. The thought he had other lovers made her crave him more, the urge of wanting to remind him that she was his and he was hers. A sense of possessiveness took over her, a feeling she may have suddenly shared with Cullen as he rolled on top of her, forcing his lips onto hers into a steamy, hot kiss. </p>
<p>Moans escaped the both of them.</p>
<p>"I told you, they don't compare," Cullen said against her lips.</p>
<p>'<em>They don't compare. Those words sound better coming out of his lips.</em>' She thought to herself before her curiosity made her ask, "What do you mean by that?"</p>
<p>He parted from their kiss, slightly panting, staring into her eyes as though he questioned why she was asking in the middle of their foreplay. "What I mean is that they were only for sex, and they don't compare to you at all because you are more than that to me," He said without breaking eye contact. "And this act of intimacy feels a lot better when I am with the woman I love."</p>
<p>"<em>Ah</em>-" She was a little speechless, surprised that words could even make her melt. They were a lot more alike than she thought, especially when it came to intimacy and relationships.</p>
<p>"May we continue, my love?" His impatience for her nonsense showed, and she couldn't help but giggle at his reaction, forgetting he was perfectly positioned between her legs. A quick nod invited him to enter her, which he did, slowly taking in every inch of him. Her back arched, tossing her head back against the pillows, her lips parted as a very long and slow moan came out of her while clenching tightly on the sheets.</p>
<p>Pure ecstasy.</p>
<p>'<em>He's not wrong. This is definitely a lot better.</em>'</p>
<p>"Maker, have mercy," Ayla moaned with so much delight as he began to move his hips, in and out. </p>
<p>Cullen merely grinned at her, his fingers slipped between hers and curled to a lock. He pinned her hands to the side of her head, completely taking over as he hovered over her with dominance. Her legs still opened wide for him, his movements were still slow and teasing. She could feel his gaze as her body reacted to every thrust and jerk of his hard cock, holding in her breath each time. The more he picked up his pace, the more her hips stiffened to feel the resistance of his thrust, making her body quiver in pleasure. It didn't take long for her legs to wrap around his waist, forcing him to fall on her, their sweat-covered bodies moved together. </p>
<p>Ayla's mind was filled with cuss words, it was what she could think of to use in such a rough yet passionate session with the Commander.</p>
<p>"Maker's breath, I love you," Cullen groaned between breaths before forcefully locking lips once more. His hands released hers as he trailed down to her thighs before slithering beneath her bottom, cupping them tightly as he began to move harder, holding her down slightly at every thrust. She naturally threw her arms around him, her nails digging onto his skin as she desperately tried to keep her moans quiet.</p>
<p>"I love you too," Ayla gasped. Her cheeks began to feel hot, a tingling sensation took over as the heat traveled from their dancing tongues to her cunt. It came in waves. The last making her body stiffen and shake as complete pleasure overtook her. Her last breath escaped her as her chest pressed against his at each inhale for air.</p>
<p>Cullen pecked her forehead, giving her a little energy to push him onto his back. He let out a light "<em>oof</em>" as she perfectly straddled him, still connected between her legs. His urge to still be the dominant lover came out as he sat up, his knees slightly bent behind her for balance as his arms wrapped around her and his face buried between her breasts. Her hips began to move automatically, he followed suit and they caught each other's rhythm.</p>
<p>'<em>He's definitely not wrong,</em>' She thought about their conversation earlier. </p>
<p>No one else compared to him, none of her previous lovers made her feel the way he did - both emotionally and physically - and that possibly came from their growing love for each other.</p>
<p>Ayla could see a future with Cullen.</p>
<p>As their bodies continued to dance, his lips filled with her nipples and her fingers curling into his golden hair, she couldn't help but think how she could lose him if she were to fail. A loose tear fell from her eye as she tried desperately to concentrate on their love making, she continued to move her hips in a way to overtake her fears with pleasure. It worked, even for a moment, enough for her to release the tension that built up.</p>
<p>"<em>Ah</em>-" Cullen groaned against her breasts, followed by a satisfied exhale afterwards as he let himself fall back to his bed. She smiled at the sight of her satisfied lover, but the smile faded when her tears began to fall more uncontrollably.</p>
<p>"Ayla?" He called her name as he quickly sat back up, despite his heavy breathing and tired expression, his concern for her came first. Her eyes remained closed as she could feel him caress her cheeks, wiping away tears that couldn't stop falling with his thumb.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me," She said in between her sniffing. "I'm not trying to tell you that you're a bad lover," She tried to joke.</p>
<p>He weakly chuckled. "Here I thought I did a good job that it sent you to tears," He joked back.</p>
<p>A giggle escaped her as she reopened her eyes, meeting his. "I just remembered what happened if I were to fail everything, I would lose you, Cullen," She whimpered, cupping the sides of his face.</p>
<p>"But you won't."</p>
<p>"I'm scared of losing you. I've lost people before and I've seen people I care about die before my eyes, but you, I think I would die if you-" Ayla choked, leaning her head against his forehead as she continued to cry.</p>
<p>"Ayla," Cullen whispered.</p>
<p>"Cullen," She whispered back. </p>
<p>"I have so many scars, both visible and not, but the one that would scar me for life would be if I ever lost you," He confessed. "I've told you how I felt when I see you leave and I have to stay back, I've told you how my heart would ache when I heard or see you'd been hurt while I wasn't there, and I've told you how much happiness you bring me when you are here. There's no one like you, and I-"</p>
<p>Her lips pressed against his, cutting him off. They had already spoken about this, but the topic was every bit as sensitive as her wounds. No matter how hard she tried, the future was still uncertain. And that's what she feared most.</p>
<p>"-And you're not going to fail. I know you won't. The Inquisition will see to it." He finished saying to reassure her of her doubts.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Scars ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some Cullen perspective this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Ahh!!" Ayla screamed as she woke up covered in sweat, her chest beating heavily while her head began to throb. She grabbed onto the sides of her temple, trying hard not to scream in pain. Her vision phased in and out of darkness.</p><p>"Are you all right, Inquisitor?" Solas asked as she rose from her seat. "Did you see the demon again?"</p><p>"I did but- <em>Ah</em>!" A white noise rang through her ears as the anchor began to spark, she fell back to her knees as it wouldn't stop.</p><p>"Keep your focus on my voice," Solas instructed as he began to chant elven words out loud. Ayla tried her best to focus, keeping her ears open to hear him despite the constant ringing.</p><p>"Make it stop!"</p><p>"Steady Inquisitor!"</p><p>"It's- Solas- The demon!" Ayla nearly screamed as she saw flashes of the demon that taunted her. The circular black object took shape and became more evident that it had been a rage demon taunting her all this time. The flames grew brighter around its form.</p><p>"Describe it to me, Inquisitor," Solas continued to keep a steady hold on her as her body kept twitching on the ground. "What is the demon?"</p><p>"Red demon, fire everywhere... It's very hot," She began to pant heavily as she said what she saw. Her wound on her left hip suddenly began to burn, causing her to toss her body forward and placing pressure on that section, planting her forehead on the concrete floor as she felt her body becoming possessed.</p><p>"Be prepared," Solas tried to calm her as his eyes rolled back, showing only the white. He muttered a few words before being swept on his back as the anchor in Ayla's left hand blew out a ball of explosion.</p><p>Slime fell to the ground, scattered for only a moment before they began to take shape again.</p><p>"No!" A deep voice roared.</p><p>The pain came from all sides of her body before she felt a sort of dampness on her left side, she peeked down and saw blood seeping out from her left hip. Her instinct was to apply pressure as she fought the rest of her pain to stand up and face a growing red blob with Solas, who was ready to attack.</p><p>"Trevelyan," It roared once more, taking shape as a greater rage demon. It turned to them, raising its claw as it yelled, "You wench, you ruined this for me!" </p><p>'<em>Fuck!</em>' She groaned as she met with the claw to her left forearm, causing more cuts. A cuss escaped her before she faced Solas and yelled, "Now, Solas!" </p><p>Solas casted Winter's Grasp to freeze the demon as she raised her left hand and opened a window to the fade. With just the two of them, they both agreed to just push the demon back into the fade instead of attempting to beat it themselves. After all, they did wander off to Haven on their own to deal with her tormentor, so being quiet was what they preferred to do without proper back up.</p><p>"Close it!" Solas grabbed her left arm to help her steady as the anchor grew brighter yet heavier, the demon slowly sucked into the rift while still attempting to reach for the two mages.</p><p>A larger glow came from Haven, visible from Skyhold if someone were to look out towards it. There was a few seconds of silence before an explosion erupted. Ayla and Solas were both thrown back into the forestry surrounding Haven. Cracks of the ice around then began to shift. Ayla stood up first, grasping tightly on her opened wound as she ran to Solas. She helped him to his feet, and despite the pain, her initial instinct was to get out of there before-</p><p><em>Boom</em>. </p><p>"Avalanche!" She warned they both began to run towards the trail that led them back to Skyhold, she could see their mounts were waiting just a few steps away, but she could hear the snow starting to slide.</p><p>"Get on, get on!" Solas pushed her up onto her mount. She could hear Master Dennet bragging about the white and black elks, they were specifically for snow travels in the Frostback Mountain. Ayla grabbed the reins and commanded the elk to go, Solas followed not long after.</p><p>Every thud of the elk's hooves onto the ground became more painful, but she endured it as she did not have enough energy to seal the wound, and a long ride back was ahead of them. Fortunately for her, Solas was there to aid her, if she ever was to collapse, at least someone was there to catch her.</p><p>'<em>He is going to be very angry with me.</em>'</p><p>×××</p><p>"That's enough for today," Cullen breathed as he applauded for the new recruits, throwing the wooden pole over his shoulder as he finally caught a breath. It's been a restless couple of days with more and more recruits began to flood through the gates of Skyhold, each day as busy as the last to get them up to speed with everything. A lot of new faces, yet he only longed to meet with only one, whom he realized hadn't turned up to watch that particular day.</p><p>'<em>She is always here to watch when she's in Skyhold,</em>' He thought to himself. '<em>When did she leave?</em>' </p><p>"Thanks Commander." One by one they all thanks him, giving him a respectful bow as he watched them wander off into the soldier quarters.</p><p>A long exhale escaped him.</p><p>"Commander, if you have time-"</p><p><em>Boom</em>.</p><p>"What was that?" Cullen cussed under his breath as everyone looked up to the sky, no, it wasn't from there. Before panic ensued, his veteran soldiers scattered and did people control as the new ones searched for any damages. The Commander himself ran towards the battlements to examine the outskirts of Skyhold.</p><p>"Commander," Cassandra greeted as she caught up with him at the battlements. "A raven had just arrived and reported an incident at Haven."</p><p>"Haven? Who is involved?" All these questions flew in left and right.</p><p>"Leliana's agents assigned in the area spotted the Inquisitor and Solas walking into the rubble, no other reports followed, unfortunately," She explained.</p><p>'<em>What were you doing there?</em>' He frowned.</p><p>Cassandra sensed the discomfort as she eyed Cullen's straight posture and grip on the concrete walls become stiff, the frown on his face was evident enough that he wasn't pleased with the news. She looked out into the mountains, int he direction where Haven would have been as she confessed, "Although, it's come to my attention that the Inquisitor and Solas have been talking about performing some sort of ritual to extract-"</p><p>"-A demon," Cullen abruptly ended with a scowl. "I told her not to do it."</p><p>"Do what, exactly?"</p><p>A sigh escaped him. "Ayla- I mean, the Inquisitor said she was tormented by a demon since we returned from the Winter Palace. Since then, she, Dorian and Solas have been looking over an extraction ritual she heard about in the library."</p><p>"Dorian didn't go through with it?"</p><p>"He opposed it-"</p><p>"-Because it could kill her. I was against it from the beginning, but she insisted, and I suppose Solas was open to it because it involved the fade," The Tevinter appeared just in time, behind him followed Cole, who had a pale expression on his face. Dorian looked over at Cole and asked him to repeat what he said.</p><p>"She is in pain. Hands red. She wants to come back. Darkness is taking over."</p><p>Cullen knew he couldn't be angry at him for such a puzzling response. He merely clenched his hands to a fist and tapped on the walls. His mind was everywhere at once, thinking of what to do and how to save her, then it went dark. His past began to taunt him at the worst moment, mocking him of his inability to protect her. It began to hurt.</p><p>Cole saw it all, heard the pain ringing in Cullen's head as shook his own. Cassandra noticed and began to say, "Commander, we should send soldiers on the trail to Haven. It will take a day on horses to get there."</p><p>"Knowing the Inquisitor, as soon as that explosion happened, they would have already been on their way back," Dorian added. </p><p>"Why is she in pain, Cole?" Cullen turned to the boy, who only looked down and replied, "The demon escaped from her wound... On her left side, still fresh. It won't stop bleeding."</p><p>"I told her not to do it!" He yelled in frustration. A rare outburst that he resisted to show to anyone. That time, he couldn't contain it. The woman he loved may return in a near-death state because of magic. The last time magic hurt him deeply was in Kinloch Hold, and despite Ayla being a mage and has more of a knowledgeable grasp to magic, he still didn't want her to fall victim to it.</p><p>'<em>Not again!</em>'</p><p>"Commander?" A scout called.</p><p>"What!" He angrily hissed, turning around to face to poor boy, a frown becoming more and more evident. Dorian and Cole even flinched.</p><p>"A-An agent in the area regrouped with the Inquisitor and Solas, s-ser," The scout stammered, finding it hard to even figure out words after an intimidating figure of the Inquisition continued to glare his way.</p><p>"Cullen," Cassandra spoke up, somewhat scolding him to watch his tone. She gave him a quick side glance before thanking the scout, who left without a second to waste. She then turned to him, a slight crease at her brows on her expressionless face, her arms crossed as she asked, "Would you really display this reaction in front of her? Knowing she too is a mage?"</p><p>"I suppose not." He breathed. "But magic is constantly hurting a lot of-"</p><p>"-If I may say something," Dorian rose his hand. "I am sure you know this piece of information all too well, Commander, but Ayla, our beloved Inquisitor, has known and mastered her own magic since she was sent to the Ostwick Circle at eight years old. She would know better than us on how to handle herself after twenty or so years trapped in such a restricted place."</p><p>"By risking death?" Cullen scoffed.</p><p>"No, not entirely. She did it because she wanted to stop being taunted," Dorian corrected him.</p><p>'<em>I know that all too well.</em>' The Commander fought the images of his torment at Kinloch Hold as soon as he thought about demons and taunting. '<em>All. Too. Well.</em>'</p><p>"Then what do you suggest we do? Wait?"</p><p>Cole shook his head. "She is coming back. She wants to see you again, before she fades."</p><p>"Fade?" Oh how angry Cullen was getting. His heart started to pound against his chest, his blood boiling as he was so tired of feeling useless, especially with Ayla.</p><p>Everyone on the battlements at that moment knew exactly how he was feeling. </p><p>"Now, Commander, wait a second." Dorian extended his hand to stop Cullen from approaching them. "She wouldn't approve of you being this way."</p><p>'<em>T-This way...</em>' He repeated to himself. Looking down at his clenched fist, he realized who he was becoming. The version of himself that he's desperately trying to forget. The naive Templar who despised magic.</p><p>"O-Of course not..." He said under his breath.</p><p>Cassandra and Dorian nodded to each other as the Seeker gave him a pat on the shoulder, grabbing his attention as she asked, "Now Commander, what should we do?"</p><p>"Send Iron Bull and his Chargers on mounts along the trail. We can meet them halfway." He was defeated. </p><p>Cullen found that his sudden anger deterred him from the one important factor, and that was to protect Ayla. He never wanted a repeat what happened at Kinloch Hold, even to his very worst enemies.</p><p>"You sometimes forget why you all voted for her to be the Inquisitor," Dorian remarked before he left, and Cole followed without another word. </p><p>Cassandra stayed, she waited for the commands to be sent out, watching the Commander try to keep calm. He began to pace back and forth, rubbing at his temple with pain expressed across his face.</p><p>"She would have been proud of you," She thought aloud as she turned to face the mountains, her arms crossed over her chest as she added, "The Inquisitor is dear to all of us. She is also smart. There is always a reason to this."</p><p>"Maybe so." Cullen heavily inhaled, his chest rose proudly as he slammed his right fist to the concrete walls, the leather of his added a little padding from the collision. "She scares me sometimes, Cassandra."</p><p>"Because she is a mage?"</p><p>"No," He exhaled. "Because of what she could do to herself with it. I've seen what can happen and what they can do to the mages."</p><p>"I doubt she would be like that. Aside from the fact she is, in fact a mage, I have watched her first hand in how she uses her magic. She is talented, but controlled. Her feelings do not affect her use." Cassandra explained her observation of the Inquisitor, sounding amazed herself that a person like Ayla could exist after spending years with apostate and rebel mages.</p><p>The two watched Iron Bull and three of his Chargers get on the mounts that were specifically chosen for those cold, rocky mountain trails. They saluted the Commander and the Seeker before riding off, over the bridge and out into the distance.</p><p>"We are lucky to have her. You are lucky to capture her heart," Cassandra continued. "I do not say this as often as I should to her. She is my friend, and her risking her life everyday is admirable."</p><p>"I admire that about her too." Cullen confessed as he lowered his hand, loosening up the glove on his right hand to see the damage he did to himself. There were red marks at his knuckles, a scratch in the middle, but that was his doing. He couldn't help but smile when he suddenly remembered all those times Ayla was there to bandage his minor wounds after training... Or worst, a burst of rage from his pent up urge to take Lyrium.</p><p>'<em>She would do it even if she was the one bleeding.</em>'</p><p>A light chuckle escaped the Seeker. "I have seen her give her last elfroot salve to an injured scout during our time in the Hinterlands," She recalled. "I scolded her."</p><p>'<em>I also would have scolded her.</em>' He thought to himself, causing his smile to part and let out a chuckle. '<em>Sweet Maker, I love her so.</em>'</p><p>"Cullen," Cassandra called his name. "Get some rest, I will keep watch for their arrival." </p><p>He prepared himself to debate the suggestion, he wanted to be the one to greet her, but before he could say anything, Cassandra rose her hand to shush him, she shook her head and added, "We will blow the horn once she is here. You can come then."</p><p>"All right," He nodded weakly as he retreated to his office. The small amount of fear in him was eased at the sight of the lucky coin his brother gave him, squeezing it in his palm and pressing onto his chest, he let out a little prayer.</p><p>Then he realized something.</p><p>Cullen's eyes narrowed as he looked back down at the lucky coin. "She accidentally left the coin," He spoke to himself. He would have been upset, but he then recalled why she left it, and it was he who asked for it so he could turn it into something much easier to carry.</p><p>"Maker watch over her."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Scars iii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Still a Cullen chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What happened in Haven, Solas? Where is the Inquisitor?" Cassandra greeted the arrival of the apostate elf at the gates, stopping a very restless Cullen dead on his tracks.</p>
<p>Solas got down from the elk, his clothes torn and covered in dirt. He bowed his head to greet them before he beckoned to the entrance, where Ayla rode in on her own elk that was guided by Bull. She was positioned the same as how she left Haven, her hand pressed firmly on her hip, her body was limp, and her skin pale - nearly blue.</p>
<p>Cullen was the first to get to her, pushing through the mounts and soldiers. He touched her cold right hand, her weak self barely could say her usual greeting to him, but she said so anyway - "<em>Hi</em>."</p>
<p>"Hi," He reluctantly greeted back. Relieved she was physically in front of him, he slowly and gently aided her off the elk and into his arms. He cradled her so close to him, not ever letting anyone else touch her.</p>
<p>Cassandra took a blanket from one of the soldiers and tossed it over Ayla. "Take her to the surgeon and aide. I will talk to Solas."</p>
<p>"W-Wait," Ayla gasped as she reached her left hand out towards Solas, the gash on her forearm visible, but clearly burned to stop the bleeding. "We did it."</p>
<p>"At a risky cost," The elf muttered under his breath.</p>
<p>Cullen didn't wait any longer and ordered soldiers to summon the surgeon and aid to the Inquisitor's quarters. He then gave a farewell nod to Cassandra before marching up the staircase towards the Grand Hall. Nobles caught sight of the Inquisitor, whispers began to echo the halls as he walked passed.</p>
<p>Step after step, he was reminded of his training at the Circles, the amount of stairs he had to take to get to places - and in a full suit of armor - trained him well.</p>
<p>"Cullen," Ayla softly called. "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"Sorry?"</p>
<p>"I lost it," She whimpered, her eyes closed as she looked like she was about to faint.</p>
<p>"Lost what?"</p>
<p>"The lucky coin."</p>
<p>"Oh," He sighed as they finally made it to her quarters, he laid her down on her bed, giving her a peck on the forehead as he whispered, "I have it."</p>
<p>Ayla's eyes opened slightly and she gave him a side glare. "W-What do you mean you h-have it?" Her voice stuttering, and if she could, she would definitely be crossing her arms in front of him.</p>
<p>Cullen reached into his pocket, pulling out a silver chain that looped into a small hole that was made at the top of the lucky coin, turning the lucky coin into a necklace. He looked so proud of himself, despite the inner guilt he had after he took it from her when she needed it most.</p>
<p>"Harritt actually let you use his things?" Ayla teased.</p>
<p>"I- Well, <em>no</em>. He did it for me." He sounded a little embarrassed to have asked Harritt, but everyone knew how Harritt was with his things. "I figure this would be an easier way to carry the coin. Harritt wasn't fond of me disturbing him."</p>
<p>She let out a weak laugh, followed by a groan as she grasped her hip. "As much as I wish to, please don't make me laugh too much," She ached.</p>
<p>"I'll try not to," He joked as he opened the chain and placed it over her head, arranging the lucky coin right in the middle of her chest. Her red stained right hand tapped on the coin, her fingers fidddled a little as she said, "Thank you. I figured I was pushing my luck yesterday without it."</p>
<p>"Why did you do it?"</p>
<p>Ayla's joke flew over his head. He was very stern about his question, serious in his expression as he placed his hand above hers, caressing her gently.</p>
<p>"I thought you weren't-"</p>
<p>"-Because only one of us should have to suffer any nightmares, not both. And If I could rid you of yours without the price of, well... This. I would," She answered confidently. Cullen saw her determination through her hazel eyes. He couldn't say anything. He merely pursed his lips and gave a little pout. She was willing to go out of her way help him.</p>
<p>"Cullen, when I'm better, can we-"</p>
<p>"-Inquisitor!" The surgeon and the aide, Eloris, hastily entered with a bag full of their equipment, one that Ayla saw very often.</p>
<p>"Commander, Lady Cassandra calls on you at the war room," Eloris shyly relayed the message. Her eyes were not making contact with anyone at all.</p>
<p>"Still uncomfortable, I see," Ayla teased, making the elf a lot more stiff and uneasy.</p>
<p>"Stop it, you," Cullen scolded as he leaned over her and gave her a peck on the forehead. "I will return once all of this is sorted."</p>
<p>"You know where to find me- Ah!" She yelped followed by a cuss as the surgeon pressed a solvent directly on the wound on her hip.</p>
<p>Cullen chuckled as he left Ayla's quarters. His hand a little shaken up as soon as he made it to the Grand Hall, realizing there were traces of her blood on his skin. He remembered the things he did to mages who failed their Harrowing, a shiver flew through his body as a flash of him ever stabbing a sword into Ayla was absolutely heart wrenching.</p>
<p>"Commander," Leliana called. "Just in time. Let's walk together for a moment."</p>
<p>"Uh, yes, certainly." He nodded as he walked through the doors to Josephine's office with her.</p>
<p>"One of my agents searched around Haven and found something of interest to you," She said as she reached into her glove and gave him a note. "I have read it, just in case, but I have no intention of sharing it to anyone else if you do not wish to."</p>
<p>He was hesitant to open the folded paper, but he did so anyway. It was a note written in blood. He flinched at the sight. His heart raced as he could only skim through the note.</p>
<p>"Did the Inquisitor write this?"</p>
<p>Leliana nodded.</p>
<p>'<em>She has lost a lot much blood, it's amazing she is still aware enough to crack a joke,</em>' Cullen thought to himself, resisting a snort as he folded the note. The note itself was nothing more than an inside joke between the two of them, a way for Ayla to confirm she was okay if she were to be found unconscious somewhere.</p>
<p>"Is everything all right?" </p>
<p>"Yes. I'll speak with the Inquisitor regarding this," He said as he beckoned to the paper. He opened the door for Leliana to the war room, meeting Josephine, Cassandra and Solas, who were already in the middle of a conversation.</p>
<p>"-A possession is less likely for the Inquisitor, she said she has been through her Harrowing at the Circle," Solas explained. "She or Vivienne would know more than I would based on experience at the Circle."</p>
<p>Cullen walked to his spot at the war table, looking over what they were pointing at on the map. It was a constant debate for everyone who witnessed first hand what happened with the Grey Wardens as well as some of the mages.</p>
<p>"Then why is it that a demon came around to live within her?" Cassandra poked. </p>
<p>"A rage demon," The elf corrected. "If it was not Corypheus who embedded a spirit within her, then it is her own doing. The spirit became corrupted by a demon who was controlled by Corypheus, using her inner anger to grow."</p>
<p>"What would she be angry about?" Josephine asked.</p>
<p>"Oh, plenty," Cullen found himself thinking aloud. He realized what he said and paused, biting his tongue to stop himself. All eyes were on him.</p>
<p>"If it is plenty, then that explains the size of the rage demon that came from her," Solas said under his breath, crossing an arm and cupling his chin as he fell into deep thought.</p>
<p>"We understand the role of Inquisitor has its negatives, but surely she knows what consequences it came with?" Josephine questioned as she lowered her board, staring at the Commander straight in his eyes to hear his answer. "Is there something we missed?"</p>
<p>"I didn't- No, what I mean was-" Words couldn't come together for him as he started to stutter. He cleared his throat and began to scratch the back of his head, avoiding gazes with everyone for a moment before he finally answered, "We have to remember everything happened all at once, no one expected all this chaos. The Inquisitor was only a mage set to cease the war between mages and templars."</p>
<p>"Yes, I see," Josephine mumbled. "I suppose if I were in her shoes, I'd have plenty to think about."</p>
<p>"To be clear, the Inquisitor is all right?" Cassandra asked, not as the tough warrior, but as a worried friend. Her worried expression showed it.</p>
<p>Cullen nodded. "The surgeon and the aide are tending to her wounds," He answered.</p>
<p>"Good," She nodded. "As you have just arrived, we were discussing-" Cassandra began the meeting without a second to waste. The advisers were serious, hearing Solas and Cassandra explain the events in Haven and how it suddenly became an attachment to what happened in Adamant Fortress. </p>
<p>'<em>No one is safe. Templars, mages, Grey Wardens</em>.'</p>
<p>The thought of possession and being controlled by Corypheus himself came back into the discussion, despite Solas reassuring the advisers and the Seeker that there wasn't a possibility of anyone there getting corrupted, they were still very uneasy. The uneasiness turned to an unnecessary debate as to how they could prevent such a thing, and equipment wasn't going to be enough.</p>
<p>'<em>If a demon already made it to Ayla, there is always a possibility</em>,' Cullen thought to himself, hand rubbing the back of his head as to calm his worrying demeanor.</p>
<p>"I need to go see the Inquisitor," Solas spoke up. "I have one more thing to discusss with her. Was there anything else you needed, Seeker?"</p>
<p>Cassandra sighed. "Unfortunately not. There is only so much you can explain to us," She sounded defeated.</p>
<p>"If you do not mind, I would like to be present when you speak with her," Cullen said rather defensively, he was protective of Ayla, especially after what had happened. She barely took a break from Adamant Fortress before she had her beaten up all over again.</p>
<p>Josephine and Leliana both looked at the Commander with playful looks. The two were always poking their noses in the relationship at any chance they could, but they only did so by cornering one or the other. It was something he dealt with a majority of the time, which he often envied Ayla for the way she avoids the gossip between the advisers and nobles. Cassandra hardly cared for nonsense gossip, but she would often give odd advices at the rarest occasion, like yesterday.</p>
<p>He felt uneasy with the attention, his words barely escaped him. "I-Is that all right? I know it's not like me-"</p>
<p>"-Of course, Commander." Leliana spoke first, before she and Josephine exchanged smirks.</p>
<p>"I will read the report if you could send me a copy," Cullen quickly excused himself, following Solas on the way out. He wasn't risking another incident, and he also wasn't risking the prying of his business again.</p>
<p>'<em>That was rather close,</em>' He sighed.</p>
<p>"I did not expect the commotion that came from the ritual," Solas confessed as soon as they left the war room. "The Inquisitor and I thoroughly checked, although I warned her about the consequences she may experience, she insisted."</p>
<p>"I'm relieved she didn't die." Cullen wasn't too friendly, his nose flared as he felt a little heated from the thought of magic being used inappropriately. The walk was silent. He could barely keep his mind straight at the thought of magic.</p>
<p>"Inquisitor," Solas greeted as they found her seated at her desk. Ayla was covered in a thick blanket over her robe, her bronze hair pulled back into a loose bun as she read through paper work. She appeared to have a little color on her again, some energy compared to how she was prior. A slight frown at her face before she softened them as she greeted them with a weary smile.</p>
<p>'<em>She should be resting</em>.' Cullen frowned.</p>
<p>"My friends in the fade have informed me that taken care of it," Solas said so vaguely. "They don't think it can bother you."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Ayla sighed. "I didn't think it would work, but because of you, it helped a lot. I can't imagine how bad it would have gone if you didn't suggest the fade."</p>
<p>"It was hardly any of my doing. We were fortunate to have access to the fade with the anchor, if not, things would have gone wrong," Solas replied as they both dived into a deep conversation about what they did.</p>
<p>Cullen had no idea what they were talking about, but he managed to get the gist that it had plenty to do with things they shouldn't be doing, which led to a momentary - and to his better judgment, unnecessary - panic in Skyhold. He frowned, arms crossed as he listened in on the conversation, acting both as a guard to Ayla and a concerned lover. He occasionally caught her eyes, and she definitely noticed his expression.</p>
<p>"As long as it's not troublesome for you and you are well, then we have done it," The elf ended.</p>
<p>"Thank you. I really appreciated your help and guidance," Ayla smiled. </p>
<p>"Dareth shiral, my friend." Solas bid his farewell before excusing himself from her quarters.</p>
<p>Silence took over as Ayla could only stare at Cullen. There was clearly something unspoken between them, and neither of them wanted to be the first to say anything. It took a bit before Ayla finally gave in, she stood up from her seat and asked, "Are you angry?"</p>
<p>They weren't as loving as before.</p>
<p>"I can't say, but I'm clearly disappointed that it had to resort to such a thing." The frustration in his voice was clear, he wasn't happy.</p>
<p>"I know how you feel about magic and the dangers of using it, but I've told you time after time that I am a mage, Cullen. There are things that require the use of magic," She sounded just as frustrated. "I didn't do this to be selfish, I needed to be in control to be able to lead the Inquisition. If this is going to be a recurring argument then I-"</p>
<p>'<em>No, don't say it.</em>' He bit his tongue, swallowing his pride down as he fought internally about his feelings. '<em>Don't.</em>'</p>
<p>Ayla took a deep breath, her bandaged fingers placed over the lucky coin dangling from her neck. She shook her head and stared into his brown eyes, a look of determination in her as she said, "We can't have this argument all the time. I love you for you, Cullen, and despite all the demons and scars that haunts you, I am always here for you. Why can't you accept my curse and be that way for me?"</p>
<p>"I-I do," He stuttered.</p>
<p>Her lips curved downwards, her gaze fell from his too as she was visibly upset. "I need a little time alone. To think," She mumbled. "I'll talk to you later."</p>
<p>Cullen's heart sank. An ache clenched onto his chest as he couldn't gather the correct words to tell her. His mind fell into silence as his body moved on its own. He walked out of her quarters speechless, he didn't know what to say or do. Would his feelings about magic really overtake his feelings for Ayla?</p>
<p>'<em>Ugh</em>.'</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Nobles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Unfortunately, Ayla was called to a Duke's party in Orlais for noble-related business, and her planned talk with Cullen after their little disagreement didn't go through, and she didn't get to say goodbye the day she left as she had to leave with great urgency. She was supposed to meet Josephine at a spot to meet the nobles to gain their favour, something she always put a face on knowing she was both the Inquisitor and a child of noble heritage. It was also something she and Cassandra bonded over during their travels.</p>
<p>"Where is she?" She muttered to herself as she was dressed in something Josephine forced her to wear, because armor wasn't presentable amongst nobility. She fiddled with the ruffles of her maroon dress, disliking the thought of even wearing one. She wore a silver mask that covered half her face, her bronze hair tied to a bun with a black ribbon. Powder covered any visible marks and bruising that hadn't healed over the course of their journey. </p>
<p>'<em>Robes are on thing, these are another.'</em></p>
<p>Beside her was a chuckling Varric, who enjoyed the sight of a well-dressed yet annoyed Inquisitor. He wasn't supposed to go with her, but he caught on with what was happening through the rumors in the Grand Hall that he followed them as soon as Ayla and Josephine were set to leave.</p>
<p>"What is so funny, Varric? You're dressed up too." She complained at him. He was dressed in the same formal attire they had to wear at the Winter Palace. </p>
<p>"It's come to my attention that I've never seen you dress up," He explained. "Secondly, I forget you're a noble."</p>
<p>"Not entirely. I'm a mage. Trevelyan's were hesitant to even say that," She said with a little disappointment.</p>
<p>"Yes, but now they're running back to you after they heard their relation to the Inquisitor," Varric pointed out with a smirk. "This is a story people from the Free Marches would talk about."</p>
<p>She frustratingly released the ruffles and threw her arms down to her side. Defeated, she asked, "Will this be part of your book?"</p>
<p>"I may skim some parts. I don't think this part matches the rest of the story," He joked.</p>
<p>Ayla could only sigh. She wanted to leave already. There were things she would rather do than to deal with nobles, these were at the bottom of her list, especially after the events in Halamshiral.</p>
<p>"Apologies for our delay," Josephine called.</p>
<p>She turned around and nearly gasped, but she bit her tongue as Josephine arrived with a reluctant Cullen in tow. He didn't seem as interested to be there also, and he was dressed up just like her, yet Josephine was only in the same formal attire Varric was wearing. Her knees nearly collapsed on her as she realized how strikingly handsome the Commander looked in noble wear, and be resembled one so perfectly. His hair slicked back, and his freshly shaved face made him appear completely different. The dark blue overcoat with amazing white stitches along the hem line and closed at every button was the finishing touch.</p>
<p>'<em>Maker's breath.</em>'</p>
<p>"I-" Ayla's voice croaked. She cleared her throat. "I was not expecting the Commander to be present."</p>
<p>"Leliana managed to get him out of his post for this occasion, which is perfect as the Orlesian nobles adore him and can grant us many more favors," Josephine explained as she handed him his gold mask. "He will be your escort these next few days, we've got plenty to go over before we enter."</p>
<p>"I can't believe I am doing this," Cullen mumbled under his breath as he put on his mask, looking a lot more different to the man she always saw.</p>
<p>"Was this necessary?" Ayla tried to put on a act as she questioned, but Josephine only giggled and replied, "It will be more believable now considering everyone knows of your status."</p>
<p>"S-Status?" The couple stuttered, exchanging glances in the process, which caused laughter from the other two.</p>
<p>"Very believable, Ruffles," Varric commented.</p>
<p>"Now let's get started," Josephine said with delight. Her hands clasped together, a big smile across her lips, and her eyes gleamed as she finally got to play 'dress up and noble parties' with the perfect combination - the Inquisitor and the Commander.</p>
<p>'<em>She is too excited for this.</em>'</p>
<p>Ayla and Cullen both sighed in defeat. They knew favors were something they needed when it came to business in Orlais, and this was one of the ways Josephine had always offered. According to the Ambassador, invitations for parties appeared left and right after Halamshiral. Proposals snuck in too.</p>
<p>"Ah, do you remember Duke Cyril de Monfort? We have helped him one or two times. The one who sent an elaborate proposal to Skyhold?" The Ambassador posed a question between her explanation.</p>
<p>"Why didn't I see this?" Ayla cocked an eyebrow.</p>
<p>"It wasn't for you," Josephine smirked and beckoned to the man next to her. She could barely contain a grin as she peeked at a very disgruntled Cullen. </p>
<p>Varric, on the other hand, couldn't help but let out his laugh. "Oh Curly, I wish I could have seen that."</p>
<p>"No. No, you wouldn't have wanted to see it," Cullen replied, even though the answer seemed to have been directed to the Inquisitor instead of Varric. His lips were pursed together tight as a means to express his embarrassment of the topic. Ayla picked up on it and said, "As long as you politely declined the proposal, then we wouldn't have much problem with Duke Cyril de Monfort at this party."</p>
<p>"Of course," He quickly responded.</p>
<p>"If you recall, his cousin did send a similar proposal to you, Inquisitor," Josephine pointed out as she read through her notes. "The one with a parade of flowers through the Grand Hall?"</p>
<p>"Oh really?" Ayla chuckled. "Elaborate proposals are not a way to get to a woman's heart."</p>
<p>Then she froze. She realized what she said, and she realized who was there to hear it. She swallowed down heavily as she fought to give a glance to her lover.</p>
<p>"See, this is why I forget you're a noble, Lucky," Varric broke the silence. "Saying things like that are what we commoners like to say."</p>
<p>"Ha, if we ever see my Sisters or my Mother at one of these parties one day, please say that to their face, I would very much love to see their reaction," She said with a laugh. The women in her immediate family weren't fond of her lack of noble etiquette.</p>
<p>"We're late, hurry, hurry," Josephine scolded as she rushed everyone down a pathway to a courtyard full of Orlesian nobility, their eyes on all four of them as whispers began to echo through the courtyard. All Ayla could hear is her title being repeated over and over, followed by men and women swooning over a barely recognizable Commander.</p>
<p>"Remember, you both are here together," Josephine whispered as they were greeted at the door by the hosts, Duke Louis de Dubois and Duchess Celeste de Dubois, who the Ambassador spoke with. Their smug smiles were enough for Ayla to feel insecure and unsure. Her left arm instinctively wrapped around Cullen's right arm, catching him off guard for a moment before bending his elbow to look formal.</p>
<p>"We will be fine," He whispered.</p>
<p>"We're about to walk into a pit filled with hungry wolves," She whispered back.</p>
<p>"I'll protect you." By the way he spoke, his teeth were gritted and he was already bothered. He arm tugged hers to pull her closer.</p>
<p>"Inquisitor Trevelyan," The Duchess spoke. Her strong Orlesian accent emphasizing each syllable. "I am happy to see you and your companions here with us today. We barely spoke at Halamshiral, but it is a pleasure to have you accepting an invitation. I am especially pleased to see the Commander with you."</p>
<p>"The pleasure is all mine," Ayla smiled with a friendly, yet seemingly sarcastic tone. Her inner noble peeked out for a moment, the way she grew up stayed with her even if she had left home at an early age. Etiquette her Mother engraved in her.</p>
<p>"Please, come in and enjoy the party. It must be rare for the Inquisitor to finally find the time to enjoy a party," The Duke spoke. He too had a very strong Orlesian accent. Both clearly born and raised in Orlais. "And be cautious of those who have eyes on the Commander, someone might take him if you were to leave him alone."</p>
<p>Cullen tensed beneath his overcoat, his smile forced as he bowed his head to acknowledge the statement. </p>
<p>'<em>I can't have that,'</em> Ayla thought to herself as she too tugged at his arm with hers to close any more distance between them. </p>
<p>"Thank you," She replied, bowing her head and led him, Josephine and Varric inside the mansion.</p>
<p>There were gasps and more whispers, the giggles in between as it was clear who had hunger for the Commander. She could see beneath his mask that he was already complaining about being there, it wasn't the Winter Palace, but his reaction to noble parties was all the same. The red tint on his cheek was evident he wasgetting flustered, the way his lips shivered despite his fake smile added to it. Cullen wasn't in his comfort zone, and Ayla couldn't help but want to protect him.</p>
<p>And this time she could. There were no assassination attempts. Just a party.</p>
<p>"All these people and not one of them are worried about what's really happening outside these marble walls." She heard Cullen say to her under his breath.</p>
<p>"You forget that I'm a noble too. It would mean that some day, when we go see my family, we would be attending these sorts of things." She couldn't help but tease at the thought. </p>
<p>"Uh-" He cleared his throat. "-Yes, of course. That's. That's different."</p>
<p>"How so?"</p>
<p>"They are your family."</p>
<p>"You wouldn't need to impress them. You're the Commander of the Inquisition, they would already swoon over your title and charms like the Orlesians do," She reassured him. "If anything, I would need to impress yours."</p>
<p>Cullen snorted. A rather loud one too. He didn't seem bothered by it as he added, "No need. They are already impressed by who you are and what you're doing that."</p>
<p>"But the question of me being a mage and you an ex-templar?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "Mia called it what one of Varric's books would call it-"</p>
<p>"-Forbidden love?" She laughed.</p>
<p>"Exactly that," He chuckled.</p>
<p>"Now, now, you two, tone it down. We don't need them to know that you two are the real deal," Varric joked behind them as they made it to the main hall.</p>
<p>'<em>Wow.</em>'</p>
<p>Crowds gathered and danced with chatter and music echoed through the walls. The gold statues and trimmings along the walls glistened all over the halls, spotless for this occasion. Every decor was placed perfectly. It felt like something Ayla's family would do when they host.</p>
<p>'<em>This isn't like the Winter Palace,</em>' She thought.</p>
<p>"Welcome Lady Inquisitor and Commander Cullen." Greetings came from left and right as they ventured further into the hall, seeking a spot to claim for their own. </p>
<p>Josephine didn't stay long as she went to do her business, Varric began to sneak away as soon as he spotted another dwarf, leaving Cullen and Ayla finding a corner table to claim their own. Their arms still connected as they both smiled and waved like they were part of the decorations, words often muttered under their breaths to share their dismay. Wines were sipped and finger foods were barely touched as noble men and women came to pick at their brain, fishing for gossip and some insights on what was going on between them.</p>
<p>'<em>Dear Maker, I'm famished,</em>' Ayla thought to herself as she felt her stomach rumble. She was salivating at the sight of dishes served to others. '<em>How long has it been?</em>' </p>
<p>"Come," Cullen whispered into her ear as he guided her away from the corner table. She followed, still playing the role as she continued to greet the people they walked passed. The noise began to quiet down as they entered through a hallway, a few nobles sat and gossiped with their wines, and a couple more had played cards on one of the tables on the side.</p>
<p>"Excuse us," The Commander repeated as he pushed through nobles who wanted to converse.</p>
<p>"Where are we-"</p>
<p>The doors to the balcony opened, the moon brightly lit above them, the skies were clear and the stars were a lot more visible. She gasped in awe. She unwrapped her arm around Cullen, the tension loosened and she felt her hand drop to her side as she wandered towards the railings. Like a child, she couldn't look away. For once, the hole in the sky wasn't visible and she got to enjoy the view.</p>
<p>'<em>I forgot how the moon looked thanks to the breach.</em>'</p>
<p>She heard the door close. </p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>Sweet, sweet silence.</p>
<p>"I thought you needed a break," Cullen spoke up as he approached her, standing to her right as he pulled up a handkerchief.</p>
<p>"What is that?" Ayla asked. Her nose sniffing the air as she could smell food. </p>
<p>"I also thought you may be a little famished," He said as he opened the cotton cloth and revealed pieces of finger food that she'd been eying all night. She noticed he'd grabbed a few little cakes that she absolutely loved. A favourite that Josephine introduced her to when they were first present at the Winter Palace, and one that Leliana would secretly leave for her in her quarters whenever she returned from a long trip. </p>
<p>Her heart fluttered as she felt joy at the sight.</p>
<p>"You are my hero," She praised, grabbing one of the little cakes first. </p>
<p>Cullen only watched, a soft expression on his face as his heart warmed by the sight of a happy Ayla. He could tell beneath her mask that she was pleased with his choices.</p>
<p>"Have you eaten?" She said once she swallowed her food. "I don't want to-"</p>
<p>"-Hang on," He cut her off as he reached over and dusted the side of her lips. The crumbs fell one piece at a time. "I have taken a few bites, this is all yours."</p>
<p>"Thank you. My Mother always hated the way I ate my meal," She confessed as she picked up a savoury, one with meat and cheese. "She said I ate like a starving nug, but food is not something I take lightly."</p>
<p>A chuckle escaped him. "I would have never guessed you to be a noble."</p>
<p>She feigned a gasp, covering her mouth with her free hand. Her posture straightened before she bowed. "My apologies, Ser Cullen, my etiquette is atrocious!"</p>
<p>They shared a laugh, echoing only amongst the empty space between them. She took a bite of the savoury, barely nipping as though just to taste. Her gaze focused on it, avoiding his as she then said, "I was the youngest and I was a mage. The combination was never in my favor to be the favorite child."</p>
<p>She sounded disappointed.</p>
<p>"So I have never been close to my eldest Sister and Mother because of it," She sighed. "At least my Brother and Father wrote me letters while I was at the Circle. They still do, through Josephine. I just hadn't found the time to respond."</p>
<p>Cullen didn't speak, instead he pulled her into an embrace, his arms wrapped around her so tightly. She wrapped her arms around his torso, pressing her face against his chest as she took in his scent. Breathing his smell was comforting, hearing his heart beat kept her sane, and being in his arms made her feel safe.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry for getting angry with you," She mumbled against him. "Your reaction scares me. I always think you would leave."</p>
<p>"I didn't mean to react the way I did. I was worried." He spoke softly, caressing her back as he continued, "I am always wondering what could happen if your magic went awry. The anchor makes me fear the worst."</p>
<p>"How so?"</p>
<p>"I hear you cry in pain at night, even when you try your best not to show me."</p>
<p>"I never want to worry you."</p>
<p>He let out a weak chuckle. "May I remind you that you walk into the face of danger each time you leave Skyhold, returning every time with cuts and bruises?"</p>
<p>"Noted." She giggled.</p>
<p>"Ayla, I may be a broken ex-templar, who is far from being a noble, but I am true to my word. Everything I promised you will never be broken." He sounded as though he had practiced his speech. The way he swallowed his words, cleared his throat and stutter made him very believable.</p>
<p>She took a step back from their embrace to stare into his brown eyes, lit lightly by the moonlight. She felt very fortunate to be in his life, that he chose to love her.</p>
<p>"Cullen, I-"</p>
<p>"-Inquisitor!" Josephine rushed into the balcony, breathing heavily as screams followed her. Nobles were seen running in panic, smoke peeked through one of the windows.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" Ayla let go of Cullen, turning from a lover to a fighter, the Inquisitor to be specific.</p>
<p>Josephine coughed and pointed behind her in a state of panic. "There was an explosion in the servant quarters," She tried desperately to explain in between her wheezing.</p>
<p>"Cullen-"</p>
<p>"-Go," He nodded.</p>
<p>She gave him a weary smile before she ran into the smoke. Rushing, once again, into the face of danger. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Nobles ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Where did these come from?" Ayla yelled across the room to Varric as they both threw whatever they could towards the demons coming from an opened rift.</p>
<p>"The servants said that it came unexpectedly," Varric answered followed by a cheer for a perfect shot to the head. "Show them what you got, Bianca!"</p>
<p>"We need to close it- <em>Ah</em>-" A hot sensation came from the hem of her sleeve, she stopped for a moment and realized she was lit on fire, burning the dress Josephine made her wear. All she could think about was the disapproval from the Ambassador for ruining such a dress. She charged her arm into the wall to put it out, momentarily forgetting the hordes of demons coming from the quarters below them.</p>
<p>"Uh, Inquisitor," Varric called.</p>
<p>'<em>This damned thing would not go out.</em>' </p>
<p>"Inquisitor!"</p>
<p>'<em>I will not hear the end of this from Josephine.</em>'</p>
<p>"Ayla-"</p>
<p>"-Shit!"</p>
<p>A clash of a blade appeared in front of her as she snapped out of her thoughts. The shade demon stared her right in the face, it reeked of death before it began to fade back into the rift. The shadow in front of her became visible, more detailed as the light came into focus and she saw her hero. The Commander himself, armed with a sword and a shield that possibly came from one of the decor of the mansion.</p>
<p>"Thank the Maker," She mumbled.</p>
<p>"Just in time, Curly," Varric cheered.</p>
<p>Ayla had stood in awe as she watched Cullen fight. She's seen him fight before, usually surrounded by other soldiers or at training, but that time, he was visible. She couldn't help but stare. The way his muscles flexed and were visible beneath his undershirt at each swing of his sword was distracting, his hair a mess and his expression so concentrated and serious. She was completely mesmerized.</p>
<p>"Ayla, snap out of it!" He called to her.</p>
<p>"Shit," She cussed as she grabbed her staff and ran beside him, freezing the shades for Cullen and Varric to shatter them. </p>
<p>They were able to push through the door, closer to the stairs that led to the quarters. The smoke and flames were becoming more intense the further down they went, coughing and breathing heavily as they made it to the bottom. A few charred bodies of servants scattered all over as a rage demon awaited them.</p>
<p>"Ayla Trevelyan." It roared.</p>
<p>"I thought we got rid of you." She frowned. </p>
<p>"Not that easily. Your spite and anger always brings me back," It hissed at her as it stood beneath the opened rift, its body grew larger at each breath. "You cannot deny me, for I feed on your rage."</p>
<p>"What is he saying?" Cullen asked as he stood in front of her, the shield lifted in front of him to protect the both of them. "What are you angry about?"</p>
<p>Ayla couldn't reply.</p>
<p>"Ayla, tell me," He proded sternly.</p>
<p>"I'm not angry about anything." She denied.</p>
<p>"Do not lie to me. Now is not the time!" He scolded as he swung his sword at demons that came their way.</p>
<p>She shook her head and denied one more time.</p>
<p>"Ayla!" He yelled.</p>
<p>She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her heart raced as she wasn't ready to reveal what she always wanted to say, but it was taunting her. The rage demon was a manifestation of her inner anger, inner frustration and inner regret. It was not the time, but since Varric and Cullen were risking their lives fighting demons in the room, she was willing to finally say, especially if it were to stop the demon from growing any larger than it was now.</p>
<p>"Ayla-"</p>
<p>"-I hate being recognized because of my last name, I want to be someone more than just a Trevelyan. I know I am more than that!" She confessed, there was a lot of hesitation, but she couldn't risk any injuries with the other two in the room.</p>
<p>"But you'll always be a Trevelyan," The rage demon began to taunt. "You're only a Trevelyan. Not anyone who made a difference. Not the Inquisitor."</p>
<p>"Stop!" She growled. Gripping her staff tight enough for her nails to dig into her palm.</p>
<p>"You're a tool and you know it." It kept going.</p>
<p>"Don't listen to it, Ayla!" Cullen yelled as he continued to lunge and swing his sword. "You are better than just your last name. You've made a difference!"</p>
<p>"And you're the Inquisitor!" Varric added.</p>
<p>'<em>They're lying to you.</em>' The voice echoed in her head, causing a slight panic in her. </p>
<p>The feeling reminded her of her harrowing, a phase in her life that gave her nightmares throughout the year afterwards. Oddly, the type of demon she faced was the same.</p>
<p>'<em>Wait.</em>'</p>
<p>She snapped out of her thoughts and realized the demon was the same. She could hear Cullen yelling compliments and reminders towards her, Varric was too as they fought for her.</p>
<p>"We can't hold off all these demons any longer, Ayla," Cullen panted. He was visibly tired, but perservered for her. "We need you. I need you. <em>Ah</em>!"</p>
<p>"Cullen!" Ayla yelled as she watched a shade pushed him down, blood splattered as he fell to the ground, a gash across his right forearm while raised his shield to protect him. Her blood boiled, the heat of not only the fire but her rage grew inside her. She gritted her teeth as her eyes turned green with the anchor, her nails dug deeper into her palm while gripping tightly on her staff. </p>
<p>"You piece of shit!" She cussed as she stomped towards the demon that towered over her. </p>
<p>"Come feed me your rage, Inquisitor." It laughed right in her face, taunting her mind and ridiculing her ego.</p>
<p>"I am not you!"</p>
<p>"I <em>am</em> you."</p>
<p>"No." She slammed her staff into the ground, releasing a cold breeze into the room. She mumbled under her breath as the floor became frozen, spreading rapidly towarda the demons, capturing them one by one. The rage demon lunged at her, but half its body was already engulfed in ice. The sizzle of ice touching fire could be heard at each climb of the ice. </p>
<p>It continued to mock her, up until it was fully sealed.</p>
<p>She rose her left hand for the anchor to illuminate the room green, the rift shook the ground as it began to close.</p>
<p>"No!" The rage demon yelled within the ice as it cracked piece by piece, getting drawn into the rift.</p>
<p>"You're done here," Ayla told the rage demon as she spun her staff to face its blade towards the demon, and with all her might, she threw it like a spear to crack into the ice.</p>
<p>"You bi-"</p>
<p>The ice exploded in time with the rift fully closing. The green glow faintly glowed, a lingering silence followed, the cool breeze warmed up and everyone kept quiet. Varric was speechlees, he's seen the Inquisitor fight for what's right, but that was the first she was enraged. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry." Ayla huffed, breathing heavily as she turned to them, her eyes still green. Frustration spread across her face as well as tears welled up in her eyes.</p>
<p>Cullen stood up, throwing the shield and sword to the side as he rushed towards her. Despite the trickling blood down his arm, he had enough strength to pull her into an embrace in an attempt to calm her.</p>
<p>The green glow slowly faded.</p>
<p>"I didn't know what got into me." She kept apologizing, shaking her head against his shirt.</p>
<p>"It's fine. It's over. You're not what it described. You're better," Cullen reassured her as he eyed the area behind her, making sure nothing is left. He couldn't help but frown at the thought of her attempt to rid of the demon failed, coming back to retaliate, causing her to aggressively use magic.</p>
<p>An aggression he worried could've overtook her.</p>
<p>"You're safe now."</p>
<p>Ayla parted from his embrace, slightly embarrassed as she examined the room. '<em>I did all this out of anger.</em>'</p>
<p>"I know now not to cross you," Varric joked as he wandered over and picked up her staff. "Fortunately for us, you're as calm as the tree standing in front of the Skyhold tavern."</p>
<p>'<em>I can't lose my temper at all.</em>'</p>
<p>"Ugh!" Cullen groaned as he gripped his right forearm, he looked a little pale. Ayla was forced to rip her ruffled sleeves, frantically wrapping it around his wounds as she mumbled in fear that Josephine can just scold her for ruining such a beautiful dress. </p>
<p>"After all of this, you're still worried about Ruffles?" Varric questioned, overhearing her mumbling.</p>
<p>"She is a darling, but crossing her is the worst," Ayla explained as she tied the knot of the torn cloth.</p>
<p>"The irony."</p>
<p>×××</p>
<p>"The report's written and sent to Leliana," Josephine explained as she, Ayla and Cullen stood around a table in the room provided for her. She was very frazzled, unsure how to respond to all the questions and complaints nobles had for her. Scribbling notes left and right as she laid out responses.</p>
<p>"And we are still meant to stay and party for another day or two?" Cullen scoffed, his bandaged arms crossed and a frown on his face. He didn't have a smile to spare for anyone as it felt like quite a long night already. He hadn't spoken to Ayla either, since returning to the main hall, they were separated and tended to accordingly.</p>
<p>"It is the least they could do after you all saved them," Josephine explained. "And after this, we return to Skyhold. Although, I understand the Inquisitor is due to depart for the Frostback Basin on the day we return."</p>
<p>"It is long overdue. There are some questions I want answered about the previous Inquisitor. I need his guidance," Ayla replied. She felt closed off to everyone after what happened, colder than usual. She chose not to speak to anyone after resigning to her assigned quarters. Her posture seemed submissive.</p>
<p>"We should rest, unfortunately, we have another long day here tomorrow," Cullen suggested.</p>
<p>"As much as you are not a fan of noble parties, I do appreciate you followed through with it, Commander. It has given us a lot more interest than I had hoped," Josephine said in hopes to explain their efforts did not go to waste. "I've also noted that your appearance together has been the talk throughout the night, Inquisitor, yet it hasn't stopped proposals."</p>
<p>"Of course not." Ayla sighed. "I'm a little exhausted, so I may excuse myself first. I apologize again for the dr-"</p>
<p>"-For the tenth time, Inquisitor, it is repairable and less important than your safety." The Ambassador shook her head followed by a soft smile. "Besides, it gives me an excuse to gather a new dress for you for tomorrow."</p>
<p>"Of course, of course," Ayla chuckled. She knew how much Josephine did enjoy playing dress up with her, a temporary doll while she was apart from her own sister. And it reminded Ayla of home, with her own sisters.</p>
<p>"Goodnight Inquisitor. Goodnight Commander. I hope you both get your well deserved rest." Josephine merely nodded to them as she went back to scribbling on her board.</p>
<p>"Goodnight." The pair said in unison as they both left at the same time.</p>
<p>Cullen's hand placed itself naturally on Ayla's lower back as they walked alongside each other towards their own quarters. The halls were empty and dark, they could hear only their breaths and footsteps along the eerie atmosphere of the mansion.</p>
<p>"Reminds me of home," Ayla thought aloud as they stopped in front of their quarters, their doors just opposite each other.</p>
<p>"I would hate to walk these unnecessarily long halls every night."</p>
<p>She laughed. "Then you'd need a map for my home," She joked.</p>
<p>He chuckled. "Please give me one when available," He joked back.</p>
<p>"Well this is me," She said beckoning to the door behind her. She was a little timid, unsure whether or not to invite him to sleep next to her, which became a habit for her as it was always a thing they did together in Skyhold. She waited for a sign.</p>
<p>Nothing.</p>
<p>She saw Cullen stand awkwardly in front of her, not saying a word or do a gesture to initiate an invitation.</p>
<p>'<em>Nothing.</em>'</p>
<p>"Goodnight Ayla, I hope you rest well," He said quite oddly as he leaned over and pecked her forehead.</p>
<p>'<em>Is he still angry at me?</em>'</p>
<p>She could only watch him turn and head to his door, leaving her in disbelief. What was happening? She couldn't understand as she reached out and asked him to wait. He turned to her, acting just as timid as she was. She cleared her throat and shyly asked, "W-What did Leliana ask of you for you to come here?"</p>
<p>"Nothing." He shrugged.</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>Cullen nodded. He looked to the side and pondered for a moment, rubbing his fingers along the hairs growing back on his chin, then gazed into her eyes as he answered, "Leliana asked if I could help find you an escort for this party, to which I hesitated at the thought of you having another date, then she gave me the invitation without another word. Once I completed what work I had left, I came here on my own accord."</p>
<p>"Because you didn't like the thought of me with another date?" Ayla clarified what he was saying.</p>
<p>"Why would I? I would rather tolerate a horrible night or two for you not to be whisked away by another person," He snorted at the thought.</p>
<p>Her heart pounded against her chest, oh the man knew how to speak to her, in a way that made her knees weak for him. Her body ached, but not in pain, in a sudden lust for him. She bit her lower lip as she basically jumped into his arms. A thud echoed into the halls as she accidentally pushed him into his own door, her body pressed against his as she pressed her lips onto his. He didn't fight her aggressiveness as he instinctively wrapped his right arm around her, his left hand wrestling with the knob of his door.</p>
<p>The door knob began to frustrate him and he parted from their kiss. A cuss escaped him as he was forced to let her out of his arms, turning his attention to the door knob. Ayla interpreted it as a rejection, she gave an embarrassed smile as she said, "I'm sorry, Cullen, I didn't know what-"</p>
<p>"-What?" Cullen looked over his shoulder as soon as he finally opened his quarters. "Ayla, wait-"</p>
<p>"-Huh?" She faced him, her hand at her own door.</p>
<p>He didn't say anything. Instead he raised his right arm, stretching out to her, palms opened upwards as the gesture she had hoped appeared right before her. The corner of his lips curved upwards, his expression calm, and brown eyes softened to stare straight into hers. Her heart still pounded heavily, her stomach filled with butterflies as she was left speechless.</p>
<p>That was the invitation she waited for.</p>
<p>She didn't need to say anything as she smiled and reached for his hand, grabbing onto him tightly as he pulled her into his embrace, locking their lips as they entered his quarters.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Nobles iii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NSFW scene below</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their night ended in each other's embrace, their morning was the same. Their bare skin touching beneath the sheets as the smell of sex filled the room. Cullen woke up first, his left arm around Ayla's sleeping form while the other lay flat on his side. She was nuzzled close to him, her head on his chest as she looked, for the first time in a long time, well-rested.</p>
<p>He didn't envy that, instead, he was relieved.</p>
<p>The pain she went through to rid of her demon was worth it, despite his disagreement of it.</p>
<p>"Cullen," She moaned.</p>
<p>"Are you all right?" He panicked. </p>
<p>"Hi." She greeted, slowly opening her eyes and looking up to meet his.</p>
<p>He exhaled his held breath, the panic disappeared at the sight of her smile. "Hi."</p>
<p>"I am getting too used to this," She yawned as she rose from the bed, tossing her arms up towards the ceiling, moaning as she stretched her used muscles. The blanket uncovered her body, and Cullen spotted that there were more scars on her, the one on her left hip, however, was finally healing.</p>
<p>"Used to what exactly?" He questioned as he remained on his back.</p>
<p>"Sleeping next to you," She answered fairly quickly as she threw herself back down next to him. "And this Orlesian bed."</p>
<p>Then silence. They had nothing to talk about, well, actually, they had plenty, but neither of them knew how to start the conversation.</p>
<p>'<em>It wasn't this awkward last night... Was it?</em>' Ayla began to doubt as she tried to fight the words to say. </p>
<p>Where did she want to begin?</p>
<p>Maybe from her innermost secret that led to a rage demon? Her constant struggle with trying to live up to her family's expectation? Or what about the fact that she exposed her own temper?</p>
<p>"I meant what I said yesterday," Cullen blurted out of the blue, stopping her own inner battle with her own thoughts. She turned her head to face him, watching his Adam's apple move down slowly as if he was swallowing whatever fear he had in him to finally say something. He didn't move though, nor did he shift his gaze to her as he focused on the ceiling, placing his hand flat on his chest as he added, "You are not who you are because of your family's name, even if you think you have to be."</p>
<p>"Who am I to you if I am not Ayla Trevelyan?"</p>
<p>"You are the same Ayla Trevelyan I met in the snow covered fields, closing a rift and called prisoner by Cassandra. Quite a strong individual who often turns to humor, nonetheless, still a person who stood out from the rest. Taking the role as the Inquisitor only solidified your importance, not just to Thedas, but to me." Cullen reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers as he answered ever so calmly and confidently. He turned his head slightly to face her, a slight smile curved at his lips as he added, "Better yet, you, Ayla Trevelyan, are my love, the one who distracts me from my work and encourages me to keep going through the internal and external struggle."</p>
<p>"I don't quite agree with the work distraction, I am certain that you choose to be distracted when I am around," She jokingly debated.</p>
<p>"Oh yes, because after not seeing you for months on end is not a work distraction in itself."</p>
<p>Then silence once more. </p>
<p>Ayla didn't know what to say, but it wasn't because of her lack of confidence to start the discussion, but because of the sudden overwhelming feeling of love for him. Cullen was an amazing man, despite all that he has been through, he still faces the new day with a brighter hope. And his own struggles couldn't sway him from loving her, protecting her, trusting her, and asking for her help when he needed it most. Cole often mentioned how she silenced his voices, a statement she holds dearly.</p>
<p>Anyone and everyone could see his deep love and adoration for her, and hers for him.</p>
<p>"Cullen-"</p>
<p>"Hmm?"</p>
<p>She reached over to cup his cheek, caressing him gently with her thumb, feeling the edges of his hair growing back made him all too real.</p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p>He cupped her hand, caressing her this time. His gaze full of intense emotions towards hers as he whispered, "What for, exactly?"</p>
<p>"For saving me from myself," She sighed, shuffling closer to him to give him a kiss.</p>
<p>A kiss that never happened as a knock came from the door. They both peered towards the noise, another knock followed as a familiar husky voice called, "I'd hate to be the one to intrude, but everyone is looking for the Inquisitor, and well, she isn't exactly in her room."</p>
<p>"Oh shit! I forgot!" Ayla gasped as she rushed out of the bed, her hair a mess, but she managed to wrestle together all the things she needed to cover herself.</p>
<p>Cullen could only watch in amusement as she became frantic, no longer a rare sight for him as he'd seen it far too often at Skyhold.</p>
<p>"I'll- I'm sorry- I'll see you later!" She said in between her getting dressed, loosely tying the knots and fiddling with the strands of her bronze locks. Before she left, she managed to give him a farewell kiss, one that left the both of them lingering for more.</p>
<p>"I love you," She mouthed as she opened the door to leave, not revealing too much for anyone to poke their noses through, and greeted Varric.</p>
<p>Their day left them apart. Ayla went with nobles to watch demonstrations and shows of the soldiers that accompanied them to Orlais, while Cullen led those demonstrations and shows. They often stole glances at each other, and on the rare occasion, they would steal a kiss, one that was kept in the shadows or around the quiet corners when they could. The lingering feeling afterwards was what drove them both to sneak more.</p>
<p>"We'll get caught," Ayla whispered after parting from their embrace. Cullen had pulled her into a small entryway that led to the hallways of their quarters, pinning her against the wall like a hungry beast. He had been waiting to catch her since he retreated to his quarters, seeking for something more.</p>
<p>It felt like they were in their younger years, sneaking around and being troublesome to their masters.</p>
<p>Ayla quite enjoyed it, and she saw he did too.</p>
<p>"Do you have a moment?" He whispered, hovering his lips just an inch from her, intensifying her longing to press against them.</p>
<p>"I do, what did you have in mind?"</p>
<p>He leaned closer to her exposed left ear, whispering something that made him sound quite devilish, not the Commander she had just spoken to about work a few minutes ago. Her knees were ready to fold once she heard what he needed to say, the warmth between her legs made her body throb for him. She began to feel hot, flustered in the navy ruffled dress and the white mask she was hidden behind.</p>
<p>'<em>He's been teasing me all day.</em>'</p>
<p>His fingers trailed down her neck, sliding so smoothing along her collarbone to the top of her breast. Her nipple hardened as his touch sent shivers down her spine, the heat radiating from her body as she called for him to take her without saying a word. And he was ready to, his hand reached her lower back, slowly heading towards her bottom, alas, their rendezvous was interrupted. The footsteps of servants walking by became louder and they took a step back from one another. The separation was hard as their bodies were drawn to each other like glue. </p>
<p>"What has gotten into you, my love?" Ayla whispered before the sight of the servants were in plain view. They were whispering, and there was no need to read their mouths to know what the topic was after they were spotted alone and red.</p>
<p>"I crave you," He mouthed in response, waiting for the servants to be out of sight.</p>
<p>'<em>He can't say that to me,</em>' She thought to herself as she started to shift her things against each other beneath the poof of the dress. It was no lie, she craved him too, more so after his sweaty training demonstration in the noble's barracks. He still had the smell of a very hard working Commander, one that enticed her to him.</p>
<p>She peeked behind him, when the servants out of their way and their footsteps faded, they didn't hesitate but to press their lips onto each other. Ayla threw her arms around him, moving her lips against his, feeling his tongue against hers and tasting him. While Cullen cupped her bottom, a move that caused a gasp as he then lifted her to straddle him, although it took two attempts, they managed. He carried her without breaking apart from their kiss, to his quarters.</p>
<p>He didn't struggle with the door knob that time.</p>
<p>They entered without another second to waste, the door locked behind them as he turned and pinned her against the wall right next to it. The thud and press of his body against her caused a moan against his lips as she couldn't find it in her to part. Their clothes were still on, but the enjoyment of this secret rendezvous was too much to even care to remove their clothing. She felt his lust fo her as she did for him. He was dominant, he overpowered her easily, and he absolutely enjoyed it.</p>
<p>"Maker!" Ayla gasped as she felt Cullen's free right hand travel between her legs. A look of delight lit up in his eyes as he felt she wore barely anything beneath her dress, a mischievous smirk across his lips as his fingers made contact between her lower lips, teasing her clit with flicking strokes.</p>
<p>"Shh, we'll get caught," He whispered. He looked as though he was hoping they would.</p>
<p>She squirmed under his touch, his fingers controlled her as he kept stroking at her entrance. The material of her panties were the only thing blocking him from feeling her warmth.</p>
<p>"Shhh." He silenced her moans by covering her lips with his, a passionate and heated kiss that sent electricity down her body, causing her to dampen his fingers.</p>
<p>Lost in his touch, his fingers pulled her panties to the side, exposing her fully to him as he slid two fingers into her warmth, his thumb pressed still on her clit as he began to move his wrist. Her thighs tensed as her hips moved against his motion, she was tightly wrapped around his fingers.</p>
<p>"Ooh Maker," She cried in ecstasy as her entire body quivered, tossing her head back against the wall. She felt his fingers slip from her as he took them to his lips, her own juices glistened at his fingertips, where he licked them. </p>
<p>Tasting her.</p>
<p>Cullen seemed starved of intimacy despite the fact they made love the night before. It wouldn't be enough, it will never be enough. </p>
<p>They'll be apart again once they leave Orlais. </p>
<p>"Let me distract you," He said in his deep, raspy voice, licking his lips. "Even for a moment."</p>
<p>Ayla leaned closer to him, leaving light pecks along the side of his face, down to her chin, along his jawline to his ear, where she nipped the lobe. "I am but a lonely noble. Take me, Commander," She whispered, slightly mimicking his old noble lover in Kirkwall.</p>
<p>"You're far better," He grinned against the nook of her neck, biting lightly as they both let out a laugh, and holding her tighter in his embrace. "I love you," He added before adjusting himself beneath her, a little shuffle that led them to release a groan in unison.</p>
<p>He didn't move afterwards.</p>
<p>He let himself be fully wrapped inside her. Feeling her warmth and tightness. She welcomed him without a problem, her inner walls throbbing every inch of him. They were connected. </p>
<p>"Have me," Ayla breathed into his ear as she held him tight, though the wall she was pinned to added support, she still didn't want to fall.</p>
<p>"My pleasure," He moaned as he let his hip move into one big thrust. One led to two, two led to four, and it became a whole routine. His pumps into her became harder, pushing as deep as he could. </p>
<p>Her moans escaped her at each thrust, she met him with her hips. He was deep inside her, his cock directly hitting her spot as she tried desperately to keep a hold on him, but her grip was loosening. Cullen felt it and his grip on her bottom tightened as he began to lead the dance. He rocked her pelvis back and forth, going against his own movements as she could only keep herself pinned against the wall. </p>
<p>He was definitely in control. </p>
<p>Ayla felt her pleasure closing in, her left arm still around his neck, gripping onto the back of his hair as she couldn't keep quiet any longer. Her right hand on his arms, feeling every inch of his tensed muscles as he took advantage of her body. A moment she enjoyed in pure ecstasy. Cullen pleasured her better than any past lovers and he was determined to keep it that way. His name echoed out of her lips. </p>
<p>'<em>I... Can't hold it...</em>'</p>
<p>The final thrust forcefully closed any space between Ayla, Cullen and the wall behind her. He hit her point as she yelped his name, her nails digging into his skin as she couldn't contain herself. Her body shook from delight, defeated by the pleasure. He was the same, he pressed his opened mouth on her neck as he let himself go. The release she felt fill her.</p>
<p>He held her tight. Embracing her closer than ever. </p>
<p>"Oh Maker, what do you do to me?" Cullen breathed heavily into her neck, muttering to himself, asking why he can never contain his lust for her. </p>
<p>She took a deep breath and leaned her head against his, holding him just as tightly. "I ask myself the very same question," She teased. </p>
<p>A weak chuckle escaped him as he pulled her from the wall, basically prying her. He wandered to the edge of his bed and sat down, her straddling him as they leaned for a loving kiss. A sweet one they often shared after making love.</p>
<p>"I hope this doesn't change," She said with a smile. Her fingers combed through his hair, putting away the loose strands that came from tugging at it.</p>
<p>"Never," He smiled. "I can't imagine not wanting you, you are beautiful."</p>
<p>"I will hold you to that," Ayla giggled as she slipped put of his lap, remembering she had to be elsewhere soon and that their rendezvous was only a momentary distraction. The thought of leaving him again slightly saddened her, she wanted him to be where she was, enjoy what she was supposed to be enjoying. </p>
<p>'<em>If only.</em>'</p>
<p>"I smell like I've just completed a training bout with you in the barracks," She said outloud as she readjusted her panties and floofing her dress back to how it was before their rendezvous. Cullen only chuckled as he donned a proud look on his face while straightening his own clothes.</p>
<p>"They will know," She added.</p>
<p>"How do they not know by now? Gossip speak through the walls and will reach Skyhold before we even leave here." He wasn't bothered by it, by then he would've expected such things to echo through the main halls at that exact moment.</p>
<p>She could only chuckle.</p>
<p>"I hope you have gotten used to it by now." He sighed.</p>
<p>"It sounds like you have."</p>
<p>"Unfortunately, I have no other choice." He pulled her into an embrace, keeping her locked in his arms. He cupped her chin, tilting her face towards him, their eyes met and he smiled. "But I would rather they talk about us than you with another person."</p>
<p>'<em>Ah yes, I forgot why he came here in the first place.</em>'</p>
<p>Shaking her head, she only said three words that she knew reassured him no matter what. </p>
<p>"I love you."</p>
<p>"And I you, my love."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Nobles iv</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A man pecked the palm of her left hand, an eerie stare down between them as he presented himself a Comte, a single one at that, who proposed far too many times to the Inquisitor. This was the first time they met in person. He was persistent throughout the evening since his official arrival to the party, and both Ayla and Josephine were very uncomfortable from the encounter. But they had to keep face. Cullen, on the other hand, was hiding his clenched fists, a slight frown on his brows as he was all too unwilling to pretend to be okay as the Comte continuously flirted with the woman he loved in front of him.</p>
<p>"You have to keep it together, Curly, we don't want to cause a commotion," Varric commented beside him as they both watched the events unfold in front of them. They were only four feet away, they could hear the entire conversation.</p>
<p>"What is the point of dressing me this way if I have to wait here?" He sighed, complaining of the unnecessary layers and mask he was forced to wear.</p>
<p>"Apparently that particular Comte asked for a private meeting, Ruffles mentioned we standby just in case he does something to the Inquisitor," Varric explained as he stood and sipped some of the wine the party had to offer.</p>
<p>"I suppose-"</p>
<p>"-Tell me this, is it true? You were spotted with a lady yesterday by servants, was it-"</p>
<p>"-No, I am not doing this," Cullen said in frustration. He sternly put his foot down as he marched over to Ayla and her guest, an action he did out of impulse after seeing the man give her a kiss too close to the lips.</p>
<p>He could hear Varric let out a little chuckle, mentioning a coin be owed to him by Josephine.</p>
<p>"Oh Commander Cullen, how nice of you to join us this evening." A puzzled Josephine greeted, exchanging a brief glance towards Varric. "This is Comte Reginald, he has kindly offered us some aid towards rebuilding merchant roads from here and Fereldan."</p>
<p>"A troublesome task that must be done. I am eager to work alongside the Inquisitor." His voice irked Cullen, he sensed some sort of smugness to it, through the Orlesian accent.</p>
<p>"Of course." The Commander nodded as he towered over the Comte. A man like Cullen was absolutely adored by the nobles. Cullen, who has ex-templar, ex-Knight-Captain and ex-Knight-Commander written in his resume compared to a Comte, who had no outstanding roles or pinned notes under him, could be quite threatening if crossed. </p>
<p>Ayla cleared her throat, glaring slightly towards Cullen in an attempt to warn him not to do anything. She noticed almost immediately after the Comte was introduced to her that her lover became quite stiff and agitated. Her quick shake of her head went unnoticed as she returned her attention back to the Comte.</p>
<p>"Unfortunately, this is my last evening, Comte Reginald, my duties call me to leave before the end of these affairs," Ayla spoke so elegantly, yet full of charisma. Her hand, however, still remained in his grasp. His sweaty fingers began to seep through his own glove and into hers, which she wished she could pull her hand away, but etiquette.</p>
<p>"Oh, of course, Lady Inquisitor, no amount of words can stop you from leaving. I do hope we meet again soon for the roads."</p>
<p>"Of course, until then, my advisers would love to talk specifics with you once plans have been settled," Ayla smiled, still urging to pull her hand away.</p>
<p>"What of the proposal? I would hope to have a woman like you to be rightfully married to an honest man-"</p>
<p>Cullen fought a snort from the statement, instead turning away to scratch the back of his neck to avoid an obvious reaction.</p>
<p>"-And children!"</p>
<p>"Children?" Ayla could barely speak, she forcefully choked the word out of her lips. Josephine followed the reaction by nearly dropping her board, fumbling her pen from her grasp instead and avoiding to look at the two. Cullen frowned, his nose flared, his glance still turned to the side as he became more flustered. Varric could be heard coughing and choking on his wine not too far from them.</p>
<p>Fortunately, there were far too many people making noises to hide all their reactions. And the Comte was only focused on the Inquisitor, and only her.</p>
<p>The Comte nodded, shaking her left hand in unison to his head. A smile peered beneath his gold-plated mask as he said, "Oh yes, imagine adoring children with such lineage. Your strong will and beauty, my riches and heritage. They will be set in their future."</p>
<p>'<em>Andraste's knickers, the Comte cannot take no for an answer.</em>' Ayla gulped as she finally had enough and pulled her hand from him, the palm of her glove soaked in his sweat.</p>
<p>"I am sure that is something to discuss much further into the future, Comte Reginald," She politely said, hoping he would notice her polite rejection. Josephine always told her to decline proposals in the most vague way.</p>
<p>It was part of The Game.</p>
<p>"Of course, I would not force such rushed decisions on a very busy woman," He winked. The wink caused her to flinch, cringing. </p>
<p>"I would hope you make the decision after your official affairs as well as tying any loose strings," He added, purposely glancing towards Cullen in a way to signal her that he knows of her affairs with the Commander.</p>
<p>'<em>Everyone knows,</em>' She reminded herself. She didn't break eye contact with the Comte, her expression left blank and unreadable beneath her mask as she confidently responded, "Some strings cannot be tied."</p>
<p>"Then it is better to cut them off before they become your downfall," The Comte responded so sternly, reaching for her left hand once more and leaving an imprint of his lips against her glove. Kissing the top of her hand was a bit more aggressive the second time than the first.</p>
<p>"Good evening, Comte Reginald," Ayla bid farewell with a nod as she, yet again, pulled her hand from him. He merely nodded, shooting glares towards Cullen before turning and wandering off.</p>
<p>The three released their held breaths.</p>
<p>"That was too close, Commander," Josephine scolded.</p>
<p>"I apologize, but you told me to be by the Inquisitor's side," Cullen defended himself. "He was becoming too close for comfort."</p>
<p>As her two advisers debated, Ayla stared down at her left palm, a weird sensation vibrated on her skin as she watched the mark the Comte left behind start to stain the white glove. She quickly pulled it off to find how close she was from being burned from some sort of liquid, a frown across her face as she searched for the Comte amongst the crowd. </p>
<p>No luck.</p>
<p>"What's the matter?" Josephine noticed a distraught Inquisitor, she peeked over to her side to see.</p>
<p>Ayla stared back at the soaked glove and noticed there was nothing there. '<em>I must be dreaming.</em>'</p>
<p>"Everything all right?" Cullen questioned as he too noticed her reaction.</p>
<p>"I think I'm famished," She lied. "I always forget to eat while I'm here."</p>
<p>"Because you are busy meeting people on behalf of the Inquisition," Josephine said as she waved for a servant. "Another Comte would like to speak to you about his proposal, and a Marquise also."</p>
<p>"It sounds like a long night," Ayla sighed.</p>
<p>Josephine instructed the servant for particular food and wine, she then skimmed through her board as she added, "Commander, you have a few invitations also, I've asked Varric to accompany you. A Marquise would like some time with you, she has ties to the best armor and weapon merchants for our soldiers, if things go well, she would be happy to share those connections."</p>
<p>Cullen groaned. He'd fallen to become bait, exactly what he didn't want since Halamshiral.</p>
<p>"I'll make sure to get some food in the Inquisitor, then we can regroup once the night ends to prepare for departure." Josephine ticked things off her board, looking up at a disinterested pair, who expressed defeat beneath their mask. She frowned slightly, placing her free hand on her hip as she asked, "Can you both have smiles, please?"</p>
<p>Smiles? </p>
<p>More like forced smiles.</p>
<p>Ayla found herself in an awkward situation with the Comte who wanted to speak to her. The Comte was already married, he offered her to be a Mistress and one that can be spoiled by his riches, even going as far as comparing her to Vivienne, which didn't sit well with her at all. He wanted her for political reasons, one that could alter his chances at The Game. She eventually became stern on her rejection as his persistence began to push her buttons. Josephine was forced to do clean up as she stormed out of the main hall to a quiet one, where she sat along marble benches and regrouped her thoughts.</p>
<p>'<em>Why would I want to be tied to someone in that way? I prefer to be with one.</em>'</p>
<p>She rubbed at her temple. She was already expecting a lecture from Josephine later, but at least there were no more nobles. A long, painful sigh escaped her as she looked down on her left palm, the anchor flickering the green glow.</p>
<p>'<em>He didn't do anything. His sloppy kiss must've triggered it in some way,</em>' She thought to herself, taking in deep breaths to control her temper.</p>
<p>"There you are."</p>
<p>Ayla looked up to see a pair of warm, brown eyes. A tired smile appeared across her lips as she welcomed her beloved next to her. Cullen was always warm to her, making her smile in a way that even at her most tired state, she would still feel joy.</p>
<p>"I take it the meeting with the Comte wasn't how you wanted it?" He asked.</p>
<p>"Unfortunately not. They treat me like I am some kind of tool, a political gain for The Game," She sighed. "And I know I am. I didn't need it rubbed in my face."</p>
<p>"That makes me think they are using me for the same reason," Cullen scoffed.</p>
<p>"You are a catch."</p>
<p>"I- W-Well, only you could say that." He got caught off guard by her comment. He fiddled with the rim of his silver mask, readjusting its placement on his nose.</p>
<p>Ayla reached over to his left hand, hold onto it firmly as a form of comfort. She caressed the top of his glove as she whispered, "I only need you, Cullen."</p>
<p>He cleared his throat as he cupped his other hand over hers. He shyly asked, "Do you... Do you ever think of the possibility of having children?"</p>
<p>A giggle escaped her. "Is what Comte Reginald asking from me bothering you? You do know he's trying desperately to woo me over and purposely been saying things in front of you to trigger some sort of reaction?" </p>
<p>"No," He said defensively. "It- It was a very personal question from the Comte. H-He barely knows you."</p>
<p>"Well to answer the Comte, then no, I haven't thought of having children. I, well... I did, but I didn't think it was possible since I lived most my life in the Ostwick Circle, so I gave up on such an idea," She answered, staring up at the gold bear statue erected in front of her. She rested her chin against her left hand as she asked, "Have you?"</p>
<p>"Plenty, but I didn't think it would be possible because of the Templar Order, and with the state I was in during my time in Kirkwall, I didn't think it was fair to raise a child that way. Then since all this chaos happened, I hadn't thought of it since. Until... Well, until I met you," He replied confidently at first, then suddenly mumbling the last part.</p>
<p>"Me?" She turned to face him with a cocked brow. "How did I change your mind?"</p>
<p>"Y-Yes, by being with you, everything has been going against what I thought was right to what is right." He lifted her hand, removing her glove to expose her skin and pressed his lips on the back of her hand. "I said it before, and I think I need to remind you once more, I can't imagine a life not being with you."</p>
<p>"Are you telling me you are seeing children in your future?" She asked as she leaned closer to him, her head on his shoulder as she gripped on his hand tighter. She feared of ever letting him go, despite the future not being so bright for her.</p>
<p>"Once we've beat Corypheus, closed the breach, and end our nightmares, I would be open to it," He admitted, closing his eyes and leaning his head atop of hers. A soft exhale escaped through his lips, a very gentle smile appeared afterwards as he added, "Until then, I'd rather we enjoy our not-so-secret rendezvous."</p>
<p>Ayla let out a snort. "We need to make the most of it before little feet patter along the floor."</p>
<p>"So... So you've thought about it?"</p>
<p>"Possibly. You may have changed my mind."</p>
<p>And he did. </p>
<p>She'd forgotten about the idea of a being married and having any children. Her dreams were locked away when she entered the Circle, completely shattering when her first love stabbed her right in the chest, and everything else worked against her favor. The breach was her primary concern. Her dreams ceased to exist.</p>
<p>Then Cullen appeared.</p>
<p>The possibilities were endless with him. He had dreams and aspirations, one that he thought for himself, but later included her once she came into the picture. Her own began to manifest from his love and dedication, and her future was possible.</p>
<p>"Maker," He sighed. "I've realized how much paper work I'd need to read through while I was away."</p>
<p>When work's done, of course. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Tea and Cakes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cullen has been alone for the last few weeks since his return from Orlais, despite the amount of paper work he needed to go through and training to make up for, he was still very much distracted. His beloved departed for the Frostback Basin not long after they returned to Skyhold, her reason being that she felt she was behind on a lot of things because she went to party, and her need to learn more about the last Inquisition could help her to be a better Inquisitor. </p>
<p>Her commitment to her role was admirable.</p>
<p>Meanwhile the advisers were busy gathering everyone for an attack against Corypheus at Arbor Wilds. Scout Jim and a few of the other scouts gathered around his desk, they each had papers in hand which instructed them on their next tasks. His orders were going left and right, commanding from his post while battling an unexpectedly horrid headache. It became unbearable after the last scout left his office, and he was forced to lean back against the wall, rubbing his throbbing temple from both sides. The circular rotation wasn't helping at all. No amount of headache potion given to him helped either.</p>
<p>"Commander-" A knock followed the call.</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>Josephine entered the room with a smile. She wasn't carrying her board with her, which only meant she was taking time off work. She gave a greeting nod as she stood by the door, the light intensifying his headache.</p>
<p>"You have been locked away in your office for far too long, Commander. Leliana and I were hoping you could join us in the garden," She spoke softly. Her worried gaze made it clear she knew he was in pain.</p>
<p>"What for?" He definitely wasn't being cooperative.</p>
<p>"Come, I'll show you." She beckoned, waving her hand towards her as a means to signal him to follow.</p>
<p>Cullen was reluctant. He swallowed whatever water was left in the bottle beflre he followed after Josephine. He continued to rub his temple with one hand, not talking throughout their walk. The sun wasn't too friendly, reflecting against the white snow and blinding him. A groan escaped him as a reaction. He continued to walk alongside Josephine as she kept talking about the reactions from their party in Orlais, over the bridge and cutting through the atrium that housed Solas. A weak greeting from both sides as the elf apostate was buried in his book of spirits. They reached the Grand Hall, where Varric greeted them behind his ink and paper, he looked to have been writing some letters.</p>
<p>Then the garden.</p>
<p>He only ever visited to pray at Andraste's statue, where he asked for guidance and courage through his own nightmares as well as his beloved. When she doesn't return on time, his prayers become more frequent.</p>
<p>"Oh, she's already there!" Josephine exclaimed as she rushed over to the rotunda.</p>
<p>A circular table was laid out in the center, where Cullen and Ayla played chess. Leliana was already there with an arrangement of little savory food and cakes as well as a ceramic container that oozed out the scent of freshly brewed tea. He recognized almost instantly that it was the infamous 'tea and cakes' gathering that Ayla always mentioned she had on weeks she was actually in Skyhold, where she unwinds and gets the latest gossip from the other two advisers.</p>
<p>He always heard of it, but he was never invited.</p>
<p>Ayla claimed it was because he would complain about them slacking off and talking nonsense, yet Cassandra sometimes joined in to talk about Varric's book, Swords &amp; Shields. He has a copy on his bedside table in his room because his beloved was reading it obsessively on a night she couldn't sleep, and he started to read it obsessively on a night he couldn't sleep to see why she was very invested. </p>
<p>He's never admitted whether he liked it or not nor has he told anyone he's touched it. </p>
<p>Although there's an odd feeling that Varric knew.</p>
<p>"Welcome Cullen, nice of you to accept our invitation," Leliana greeted, her arms behind her back as she gave a little bow as a welcome. She gave a smile as she then beckoned him to take a seat. "Come, take a seat. Our dear Ayla usually sits there, but she is far too busy to do this in the last few weeks, she said it was okay for us to go on without her and even suggested you would be fitting for her spot. Our only rule is no formalities, a request made especially by Ayla."</p>
<p>"I would hope she is okay we do this without her, her message seemed less convincing. I picture her waving her staff somewhere in the Frostback Basin, upset and complaining to everyone there about missing out on little cakes," Josephine said as she took the seat to his left, elegantly tossing a napkin on her lap. The excitement in her was very obvious. Her palms clapped together as she eyed the food. Also a smile present on her lips.</p>
<p>Cullen was trying hard to understand what the fuss was all about. Ayla would also have the same smile across her face when she would leave him to attend their no-so-secret-but-you're-not-invited gathering. Then again, little cakes were her weakness, a bait they used to lure her into the gardens. A stomach ache that was long overdue.</p>
<p>"It's a shame, I had gathered her favorites as a thank you for dealing with the nobles in the last few days," Leliana spoke as she seated herself opposite him, they exchanged glances before she too started to eye out the food.</p>
<p>"I found that Prophet's Laurel is best for tea. I brew this for our Inquisitor whenever she suffers from stress. I think you would very much enjoy it also." Josephine poured the brew into the cups laid out in front of them, one decorated in blue flowers while the others were red and green, visibly from Orlais. He could smell the leaves crisped from the boiling water, despite the odd smell, his nose cleared at the sniff of the tea. His headache, still there, yet a little more manageable.</p>
<p>Leliana picked up her gold dessert fork, poking almost instantly at a mushroom covered pastry. Taking a small bite, she had a joyous expression. An 'mm' hummed to her satisfaction as she turned to Josephine and said, "She may actually like this one."</p>
<p>"With mushrooms? Oh, that is surely testing the waters, Leliana," Josephine commented.</p>
<p>Cullen sat, amused, yet still hadn't understood the point to the gathering. The two were starting to compliment each food in front of them. Poking at them with their tiny forks and tasting in little bites. </p>
<p>Was this the kind of things Ayla enjoyed? Was this her way relaxing?</p>
<p>He could picture his beloved sitting there, doing what they're doing but not in little bites. She was a woman who enjoyed her food. He stared down at the tea, he could see her drinking it after all she goes through as an Inquisitor. He was hesitant, pursing his lips as he took the cup and took a sip. The hot water traveled smoothly down his throat, the taste slightly bitter, but not enough to dislike it.</p>
<p>"Hmm." A surprised hum eescaped him.</p>
<p>Both women gazed his way, a surprised expression, but a pleased one afterwards. Josephine was the first to ask, "How is it?"</p>
<p>"Surprisingly good, not great, but good," He answered as he lowered the cup. His headache still present, but becoming less and less pounding since sipping the tea.</p>
<p>"I am glad. Ayla would be pleased to hear you tasted it, even we told her you would." She smiled.</p>
<p>"Oh, I heard that you finally met her long-time admirer, Comte Reginald," Leliana said with a bit of mischief in her voice. She surely awaited his reaction, and tried his best not to show it, but the frown beat him.</p>
<p>"Yes." </p>
<p>"Comte Reginald saw her when she first went to Val Royeaux, and since then, he's been enamored by her very existence," She continued.</p>
<p>Josephine let out a giggle. "Oh my, Ayla has since stopped reading his letters since they come in almost daily! She wasn't fond of him in any way, and it became more evident when the two of you became an item. The Comte became more persistent with his advances. He would definitely not be looking forward to your work together on the merchant roads."</p>
<p>"W-What?"</p>
<p>Leliana shook her head and waved her fork. "It is too late. You cannot deny your relationship, Cullen. We know how often you two sneak onto the battlements in between duties, or how often you meet at night when she is around. It has already been months. Nearing a year? I would not be shy about it."</p>
<p>"H-How- Wait, how long? Who t-told you?"</p>
<p>"Dorian knows more than we do," Josephine revealed as she swallowed whatever she nipped on.</p>
<p>"Dorian attends these gatherings?"</p>
<p>Josephine and Leliana nodded in unison, the former saying, "Josie and I know he is very observant, and he once caught us preparing for our gathering. He came once and never missed one since, except of course, when he accompanies the Inquisitor."</p>
<p>"He and the Iron Bull are just as cute as you and the Inquisitor, Cullen. Then again, Josie and Thom Rainier." Leliana added.</p>
<p>"No, he's only sent me flowers each week."</p>
<p>"Only? Each week?" The Spymaster mischievously smirked. "You should make the first move."</p>
<p>The Ambassador blushed. "Oh, oh no, we barely have time to do this, I don't think I have time to mingle in that way."</p>
<p>"Why not?" Leliana scoffed. "If the Inquisitor, who is the busiest amongst us, can find the time to spare for our Commander, why not our loyal Ambassador? Am I not right, Cullen?"</p>
<p>"W-What is happening here?"</p>
<p>"I just can't imagine myself doing that," Josephine sighed, pressing her palms against the sides of her face, covering the red tint warming her cheeks.</p>
<p>"I believe you can do it, Josie. I'm sure Ayla would agree with me," Leliana pushed.</p>
<p>Cullen was speechless. He couldn't comprehend the speed of the conversation between them, let alone the topic. It began to be about his relationship with the Inquisitor and the Comte who was in love with her, to Dorian inviting himself to the gatherings and knowing a lot more than they do as well as his own relationship with the Iron Bull, then it went on to being about Josephine and... And... Thom Rainier? Blackwall? </p>
<p>When did that happen?</p>
<p>He took a panicked sip of the tea. Rather frantic that he swallowed more than he thought he should. The bitterness made him shiver, pursing his lips as he let out a disgruntled noise.</p>
<p>"Careful, Cullen, the tea can give a horrible taste if taken in large quantities," Josephine warned. </p>
<p>"A little too late for the warning," He slightly hissed as he took whatever piece of pastry was close to him and threw it in his mouth, hoping the bitterness would go away. The crunch was followed by the taste of meat, coated in some sort of cheese. The disgruntled noise was then replaced with a satisfied hum.</p>
<p>"Of course he would enjoy the cheese coated boar meat!" Josephine happily exclaimed. "Ayla definitely does know you."</p>
<p>"Hmm?" He cocked a brow.</p>
<p>"Yes, she mentioned that you would enjoy boar dishes."</p>
<p>"I thought these were her favorite dishes?" He asked, rather questioning how this event came by.</p>
<p>Leliana and Josephine exchanged glances, before the Spymaster confessed, "Some, yes, but she asked before she left to please take care of you. Your nightmares have gotten worse the closer we are to the end, and she gave us suggestions on food that may enjoy."</p>
<p>"We had plenty to catch up on - work wise - hence the delay, and we apologize. We are not just colleagues, but we are friends here. We do worry for you. For Ayla. For everyone else," Josephine continued.</p>
<p>Cullen felt warm inside. He sat there speechless. He wasn't expecting Ayla to suggest him be invited to their social gathering that he's never been invited to. He wasn't expecting all this in order for them to cheer him up, calm him from his stress. The headache began to stop, the thumping gave him the clear to think to himself how lucky he was. The second chance to redeem himself, to right his wrongs.</p>
<p>He tried, but he couldn't resist the smile.</p>
<p>He was happy.</p>
<p>Leliana and Josephine smiled back, rather excited to see he responded positively to them. The Ambassador even commented that they expected a lecture from him regarding the wasted time, which he was about to start to, but shut himself up by devouring another boar meat pastry. A laughter shared between them at his sudden reaction, amongst friends, they were relaxed.</p>
<p>He felt grateful. </p>
<p>He wasn't sure what he did, but the stars lined up in his favor. Something he always prayed to the Maker and Andraste for. Something he thought, deep down, he couldn't achieve sooner than later. Ayla was to thank for part of it. Her position in his life gave him hope, courage and some sense of peace.</p>
<p>"Oh, you have to tell me something that has been in my mind," Leliana spoke up. "Who confessed their feelings first?"</p>
<p>"E-Excuse me?" </p>
<p>Josephine clapped her hands. "Yes! Tell us!" </p>
<p>"Maker!"</p>
<p>×××</p>
<p>Ayla waved her staff around in frustration, once she received a note from Leliana that the official 'tea and cakes' meeting was going to go ahead with Cullen in her place. She told them she was okay with it.</p>
<p>She wasn't.</p>
<p>"I'm missing out!" She moaned as she stabbed the bottom of her staff to the ground over and over, gripping tighter around her weapon each time.</p>
<p>Dorian sighed at the distance. Crossing his arms, he turned to Cassandra and asked, "Should we let her have her temper tantrum?"</p>
<p>Cassandra was reading the recent version of Swords &amp; Shields from Varric, sitting on the bed roll in her tent with a candle lit right next to her. "Leave her be. She is fine," She replied as she flipped the page so carefully. Her gaze burning through every word.</p>
<p>"What is going on here!?" The Tevinter questioned as he waved his arm up in the air in confusion. Everyone was set for the evening, but to him, the two people who were usually on to it were not.</p>
<p>Varric, seated on a stump, was cleaning his Bianca from the blood splatter. He chuckled at the flustered Tevinter and said, "Yeah. I would leave it, Sparkler. I told you she wouldn't be happy with missing out on their gossip circle-"</p>
<p>"-Yes, yes, Varric, I owe you another twenty royals."</p>
<p>"I can wait until Skyhold to claim your debt," The dwarf grinned. Ayla's muffled complaining echoing their way. </p>
<p>Dorian shook his head at the Inquisitor. "No one gets in the way of her and her little cakes."</p>
<p>"Nope. No one. Not even Curly."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Fate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you serious? You jumped off a cliff to chase after a dying dragon? Do you know how dangerous that is? You could have gotten hurt, or... Or worse!" Cullen was lecturing her while they were alone in the war room, she had just returned from the Frostback Basin and waited for her advisers. He was, of course, the first to arrive. The reports of the events were already given to them, submitted by Scout Harding, and he was the first to read it - as per her request. </p>
<p>"It took hours to have you pulled from the bottom of that cliff. Scout Harding noted that you were found patched up with pieces of Elfroot, that you did to yourself, from the fall." </p>
<p>Ayla was expecting the lecture, in fact, it brought her comfort despite the pain she had been feeling deep down during their journey home. Her heart ached at the bittersweet ending of her search, where she watched her predecessor fade to dust, leaving her to finish what he started - something she hoped she didn't have to do when time came she faced Corypheus. </p>
<p>But what hurt most was Telana, the Dreamer who waited for her love. She instantly thought of Cullen and what he would do.</p>
<p>'<em>He would be stubborn enough to gather a search party to find me.</em>' </p>
<p>She sighed and took a seat by the window sill, fiddling with the lucky coin that dangled from her neck as she stared out into the garden. She inhaled the crisp, frosty air of the snow, taking in the view as she began to speak - "Inquisitor Ameridan did what he had to do. He didn't want to be the Inquisitor, he didn't want to deal with politics, but he had to. It was the right thing to do. He ended up waiting 800 years in that cold, dark place alone, and waiting. Just waiting for someone to come save him."</p>
<p>"Yes, I read the report-" </p>
<p>Her eyes began to well up. "-His friends... His traveling companions, Haron and Orinna, they died fighting for him. No one was there to help them while they were surrounded." She tried to hold back her tears, sniffling to herself. "Then Telana... She- She never got to say her goodbyes. Her spirit waited for him at a broken home on an island. She waited, and died waiting, trying desperately to find her beloved."</p>
<p>"Ayla-"</p>
<p>Her tears didn't hold much longer and they began to fall as she turned to her own beloved, beginning to cry in front of him, tears falling heavily from her eyes, completely blurring her vision as she said, "If anything bad happens to me when I fight Corypheus, and I'm never to be found, please don't come and-"</p>
<p>"-Stop!" Cullen shushed her as he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight as she wept against his chest.</p>
<p>"Don't wait for me," She finished in barely a whisper, sobbing and gripping onto his mantle so tightly as though she was trying her best to enforce her words.</p>
<p>He didn't budge.</p>
<p>"If things ended the way Inquisitor Ameridan's did for me, it will be fine for me as long as everyone is safe from Corypheus," She really tried to sound confident, despite the tears that wouldn't stop dropping from her eyes. The sobs weren't convincing anyone. She was heartbroken and very afraid.</p>
<p>Cullen cupped her chin, tilting her face upwards as he leaned his forehead against her, staring deeply into her hazel eyes. He never wanted to see her that way, ever. He remained quiet, letting her express her bottled emotions. The emotions that she often hid away from the world. The same emotions he was fortunate enough to be trusted with. </p>
<p>She could faintly see him through her blurry vision. Her hands cupped over his, still sniffling, she managed to say, "Promise me that you won't look for me if I had to fall for the same fate."</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>"Cullen!" She cried his name. "You have to-"</p>
<p>"-No. No, I do not," He sternly replied. He was fighting his own tears, staying strong in front of her. They both didn't need to be weak, not at that moment, one of them had to stand strong for the other. This time it was him, she leaned on him for strength.</p>
<p>"Why not?"</p>
<p>"Telana loves Inquisitor Ameridan the way I love you, so I will never give up on you." He wiped the tears that kept falling from her eyes, kissing her lightly on the forehead as he added, "Even if it takes me 800 years to find you."</p>
<p>"I can't let you suffer like that."</p>
<p>He stared down into her eyes, his gaze burning with love and passion. It was intense. He shook his head and said, "I will never- Never give up on you. I've waited far too long for someone like you to come into my life, why would I let that go?"</p>
<p>Ayla parted her lips to say something, but the sounds of the doors opening behind him had her part from his hold out of instinct, quickly wiping her tears away to at least hide her weakness. She has always been one to not show her pain, she didn't want to show weakness, especially with the title she carries heavily on her shoulders. Despite her puffy, red eyes, she managed to clean her face a little as she peeked behind Cullen to greet the other two advisers.</p>
<p>They, of course, knew something was wrong.</p>
<p>Leliana only pressed her lips together, being the Spymaster, she has mastered the control of her expression. Josephine was the opposite, her face expressed all her worries. She could barely walk over to her spot, having her hand above her chest as she held a copy of the report given to them by Scout Harding, who also happened to be present at the time. She seemed just as concerned.</p>
<p>"Sorry, I was a little overwhelmed," Ayla spoke up, taking her rightful spot at the other side of the war table. Cullen only turned around, the hand that held her clenched into a fist as he could only stare at his beloved. She was suffering, and he knew it. He saw a woman, only a woman, who carried a heavy burden.</p>
<p>"Who wouldn't be? The tale of Inquisitor Ameridan and his lady mage could only be heard in books and song, not really seen in present time," Josephine replied. "It is a lot to take in and I hope you are okay." </p>
<p>"Yes, I'm okay," She lied as she swept away and tears that fell from her eyes.</p>
<p>Scout Harding gave a faint smile and said, "For what it's worth, we helped the Avvar of Stone-Bear Hold and found the answers we needed."</p>
<p>"Of course, and I hope Professor Kenric writes the whole truth. It deserves to be known that the Inquisitor was an elf and a mage, who held on for as long as he could to save everyone from what was going to be an apocalypse," She said, fighting the quiver in her voice. "Similar to what is happening now."</p>
<p>"The memorial was touching. Researcher Collette always wanted to visit on her own, a struggle, I may add, as she snuck by without a word," Lace added.</p>
<p>"As you requested, Inquisitor, we have made contact with the King Bhelen of Orzammar and sent the notes to Professor Kenric. His letter is here along with a full copy of the information we requested. There is a few notes here for the Commander also," Josephine reported first as she placed the reports on the table. She scribbled on her board before she reached over and removed her iron piece on the map, right above Orzammar as a way to signify she completed her task.</p>
<p>"I have also sent my agents to the Arbor Wilds, they have reports, and I have placed them your desk. A copy is on your desk too, Commander. When we are ready, we can start our march," Leliana reported with a neutral expression, but staring at her with such focus. Ayla could tell when the Spymaster was reading her expression and body language as a means to figure out how she was feeling. She wasn't as awkward about it as before. It was common for the Spymaster.</p>
<p>"Our soldiers and mage allies are ready when you are for the march to the Arbor Wilds, Inquisitor. Empress Celene and her army have been notified accordingly. However, I still need your aid with the lead we have against Samson's armor. We can speak more when you are ready." Cullen reported last, his statement was straight to the point. He was never one to dilly-dally in the meetings, although, he seemed evident enough that he was still concerned for her. A stern expression on his face. Lips pursed and brows frowned, he couldn't keep his eyes off her.</p>
<p>Ayla nodded, thanking all three without another word as she stared down at the map. Her fingers cupped her chin as she fell into deep thought, contemplating on when they were ready to march.</p>
<p>'<em>A heavy burden indeed.</em>'</p>
<p>The three advisers exchanged glances, they were worried for her. It was evident their Inquisitor, their leader, was heavily affected by the events with the Avvar and her predecessor. </p>
<p>"If I may, Inquisitor," Josephine spoke up. "You have just returned from the Frostback Basin. I know there is still plenty to do, but I suggest you and everyone else have a moment to rest and regroup. I will arrange a bath and new clothing for you."</p>
<p>"That's fair," She mumbled. "Any other reports?"</p>
<p>Lace cleared her throat and asked, "Commander, did you get the notice about the bear? The Inquisitor has made judgment at Stone-Bear Hold, and she-"</p>
<p>Cullen let out a groan. "-Yes, I have already met the bear. Storvacker will... Will be an interesting addition, despite her thinking I am one of her cubs of some sort."</p>
<p>Leliana smirked. "Oh I'm sure she'll be a bear-able addition to your forces, Commander."</p>
<p>"Ugh, Maker. Don't start this again," He sighed. </p>
<p>Ayla was distracted to even laugh at the puns Leliana threw at Cullen to tease him. She crossed her arms, a slight frown on her face as she pressed on with other matters, which was very out of character for her when she usually laughed with them. The room fell quiet before they continued with reports they had of tasks they did during her time away from Skyhold. The meeting was kept very professional. Jokes and light banter flew over her head, and it was odd for advisers, even Scout Harding. The Inquisitor she laughed with before they completed their search was different to the one that was standing before her in the war room.</p>
<p>When the meeting ended, Ayla left first, claiming she had to catch up on reports. The Scout ran right after her, tapping her on the arm to stop her from entering her quarters.</p>
<p>"Inquisitor, do you remember what we talked about after you defeated the dragon?" Lace asked.</p>
<p>"Mhmm," Ayla nodded.</p>
<p>"You are very important to everyone here as Inquisitor Ameridan was to the people of Thedas around his time. I may not be able to have a chance to say this, but your story won't be rewritten to fit the standards. I saw you fight the dragon, and I can say I would never forget it," She said to the Inquisitor, words filled with a lot of admiration. "It has always been a pleasure to work with you, Inquisitor. Jokes and all."</p>
<p>"Thank you, Scout-" Ayla cleared her throat to correct herself. "-Lace. Don't forget our secret about the Elfroot obsession."</p>
<p>"Still taking it with me to the pyre," Lace chuckled before excusing herself.</p>
<p>Ayla watched her leave, eying the people in the Grand Hall, chatting and being merry. Varric was at the distance, chatting with Cassandra. Dorian walked by, heading towards the exit, possibly to the meet up with Iron Bull. Vivienne was faintly visible from the top, overlooking the guest with a book in hand. They were the people who had her back when they were out. Solas, Blackwall, Cole and Sera too. Their loyalty and will to do the right thing helped create the Inquisition.</p>
<p>She was grateful.</p>
<p>Her advisers then came into view, they were talking amongst themselves. Ayla felt her heart ache. She couldn't bare to lose them too.</p>
<p>"Ahh!" She whimpered, trying her best to keep quiet as to avoid being noticed while her left hand began to tense and the anchor sparked. The pain felt like a constant contraction, cramping the muscles in her entire arm enough for her veins to become visible. She grit her teeth to hold in any cries of pain as she slipped into the door to her quarters, rushing up the stairs, using the last of her energy to bust through the last door. Her legs weakened, bending her knees as she fell three steps up on the stairs, cringing in pain.</p>
<p>'<em>This cannot be it!</em>'</p>
<p>Her body curled into a circle, holding the anchor closer to her chest as tears fell from her eyes. Emotions filled her, a mixture of pain, sadness and heartache. </p>
<p>"Not like this!"</p>
<p>Everything turned dark, her eyes glowed the same green hue as she couldn't hold the scream of agony taking over her body. Footsteps echoed through the halls, getting louder and louder the closer it got.</p>
<p>"Ah!"</p>
<p>The darkness faded and flames took over. There was fire everywhere and the skies were lit in red, bodies were burnt, similar to the bodies at the Conclave, but she wasn't at the temple. She was in Haven, right in front of the main building and overlooking the camps below. Her left hand was still glowing the familiar green aura, but her skin almost transparent enough to see her veins were soaked in the same hue. A cuss escaped her as she began to look around her, noticing she was surrounded by more bodies. Then she realized, the bodies weren't just the soldiers and familiar faces of the people she saw in Skyhold, but they were the splitting image of her friends, all with their weapons drawn out in a way that seemed as though they were running towards her. </p>
<p>Yet the one staring right in front of her, horror in his face, was Cullen, her beloved. He was also equipped with his sword and lion helmet, ready to fight, yet his free hand reached out to her, trying desperately to grab her before whatever happened burned him alive.</p>
<p>'<em>What the fuck happened here?!</em>' Ayla yelled, but her voice only echoed in her head.</p>
<p>She turned around and saw Corypheus. He wasn't burned like everyone else, instead he was trapped in a spell that froze him in time, similar to the Hakkon high dragon and Inquisitor Ameridan. Fear filled her, it couldn't have been the same. She took a proper look at herself. Her wooden staff stabbed firmly into the ground as she was down on her knees - frozen.</p>
<p>A voice echoed through her. "This is your fate." </p>
<p>'<em>No!</em>'</p>
<p>Her attempt to move failed as a shadow began to engulf everyone she loved - one by one.</p>
<p>"No, no, no! NO!" </p>
<p>"Ayla! You're okay, you're okay. You're safe!"</p>
<p>Ayla sat up hastily and opened her eyes to see she was back at her own quarters, laying on her bed beneath her sheets. She was desperately gasping for air, her chest aching at each inhale, like her heart was being held by someone. Sweat fell from her temple and her body felt warm all over. </p>
<p>'<em>It was a dream?</em>'</p>
<p>A pair of hands grasped onto her shoulders, keeping her steady as she met a pair of warm brown eyes that belonged only to her beloved. Her mouth opened wanting to say something, yet nothing came out, instead, she shook her head and leaped towards him for a rather aggressive embrace. Tackling him off her bed and onto the hard ground, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she forcefully pressed her lips against his, filling her senses to feel that he was real.</p>
<p>He looked like Cullen.</p>
<p>He felt like Cullen. </p>
<p>He tasted like Cullen.</p>
<p>He smelled like Cullen.</p>
<p>His heart raced like Cullen's.</p>
<p>She parted from him as she stared deeply into his worried eyes. A weak smile briefly spread across her lips before she lowered herself back down, burying her face into his chest as she began to cry.</p>
<p>"It felt too real," She sobbed. "You were gone. I killed you. I killed everyone. I failed."</p>
<p>"Shh, it was only a dream. You haven't failed us, my love," Cullen reminded her as wrapped his arms around her, cradling her in his comforting embrace. He did what he knew he could only do, and that was letting her cry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Fate ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry! I've been replying DA games from Origin, so I've been very distracted lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The nightmares got worse, causing restless nights during her forced rest time in Skyhold. Each moment she was meeting with her advisers, they declined her offer to personally take on missions as she was too unstable. It had only been a week since her return from the Frostback Basin, Ayla began to appear pale, frail and sickly when she wandered around Skyhold, which led to the advisers forcing her to be bedridden - a decision she didn't particularly agree on. Cullen stayed with her day in and day out, but he was sometimes forced out of her quarters by someone else when the hours became too long for him.</p>
<p>"Cullen, you shouldn't be seeing this."</p>
<p>Dorian was the last to relieve him from her quarters as Ayla personally called on the Tevinter mage to coax her nightmares through some type of magic. Dagna even made a concoction that allowed her to fall into a gentle sleep, but the nightmares began to be too vivid for her to not want it.</p>
<p>"Her nightmares have gotten worse," Cole wrote on a message to Cullen. "Black. Red. Black. An explosion of green. It is the only thing she sees between awake and asleep. She doesn't know what's real anymore."</p>
<p>His eyes skimmed through the message over and over. He had asked Cole to figure out what's been going on in Ayla's head. Her frail state had prevented her from being able to talk properly, her voice croaky from the dyness of her throat. The bags under her eyes were enough to tell him that she had been crying, suffering in silence.</p>
<p>Everything flew off his desk, bottles broke into pieces, papers crumbled beneath books and ink spilled over them, staining them to be unreadable. Cullen fell to his knees, his fists collided against the wood of his desk, shifting it forward as he leaned his head against the edge in a huff.</p>
<p>He felt useless.</p>
<p>The feeling was all too familiar to when he was at the Circle. His past flashed before his eyes, flickering through painful memories of his youth up until the sobbing eyes of his beloved. Faces of mages from the Circle were replaced by the images of Ayla, appearing to him as though she was the one being murdered by other Templars, being the one taken over by failed Harrowings, being an abomination. </p>
<p>"Cullen-" A croak at his door as the light peeked into his room, shining at the concrete floor.</p>
<p>"Ayla?" He cooed the name as he lifted his head up, hoping to see the smile that always greeted him when she came to distract him. Nothing. No one was there. His mind had messed with him again. He could hear her voice, feel her presence, but she wasn't there.</p>
<p>A frustrated growl escaped him as he began to pace in his office. Rubbing his fingers through his blond hair, making a mess of his perfectly arranged locks. His heart pounded against his chest. His breathing heavy. He couldn't focus. He could only think of her.</p>
<p>Cullen barged out of his office towards the battlements, thinking the fresh air could cool him off. The pounding at his head hadn't helped. Scouts and soldiers fearfully greeted him as he walked by, despite the frown clearly on his face. His footsteps were stomps as he made it around to the gardens, directly towards the room where the statue of Andraste was erected. He fell to his knees, sending a shock throughout his body. More than ever, he needed his faith to hear him. Clasping his hands together, he lowered his head, closing his eyes shut as he began to pray.</p>
<p>As he prayed, Ayla was in her quarters, finally alone as she managed to talk Dorian into leaving her alone, where she could finally think clearly. She stood out on the balcony overlooking Skyhold, she was enjoying the cold, cold breeze that kissed her exposed skin as she was dressed in nothing but a robe, colder since she was still a little soaked from the warm bath she had just taken. Her body was exhausted, her skin pale and eyes baggy. Her weary eyes were closed, mumbling under her breath to Andraste for a little strength and guidance of some sort. It had been a while since she recited a prayer, she was not too religious after her time at the Circle.</p>
<p>"O Maker, hear my cry: Guide me through the blackest nights. Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked. Make me to rest in the warmest places." </p>
<p>Gripping tightly at the rails, she fell to knees and started to pray a little longer.</p>
<p>"I have not been the best disciple. But more than ever, as the people of Thedas rely on me, I need strength, my fears have taken over and I sense nothing but failure with the task you and the Maker have given me. I need guidance to know how to end Corypheus, not having to lock him in some sort a stasis for people to fear when he wakes again."</p>
<p>"That is a first."</p>
<p>Ayla reopened her eyes and looked behind her. She saw Varric at the top of the stairs. She weakly smiled and stood to her feet. "It's to make me sound good in your upcoming book," She snarked.</p>
<p>"Don't worry, I'll make sure to make you sparkle just as bright as Dorian," Varric joked. "This world can be cruel to their heroes. You included. I mean look at you, you look like shit."</p>
<p>"Why thank you." She bobbed a curtsy to him, sharing a weak laugh with one of her friends. "How can I help you, Varric?"</p>
<p>"I came to check up on you. And to tell you that I saw Curly not too long ago, since you asked me to tell you when he shows his face in the halls. He looked just as bad as you," He replied. Though he sounded like the usual Varric, his expression said otherwise.</p>
<p>Everyone was worried for her.</p>
<p>"Thank you, Varric. My nightmares... It's still there, but less painful. I think I'm becoming more numb to them." She sighed as she walked towards the stairs, grabbing an overcoat along the way. "Even so, I think a walk sounds good right now."</p>
<p>"Wait, <em>wait</em>. Where are you going? I wouldn't want to be the other end of Nightingale's blades for this, Inquisitorialness," He noted as he walked after her.</p>
<p>"They can't keep me locked up in my quarters forever. I've done all of their suggestions, and I feel like a prune from the amount of baths Josephine's made me take to make me relax-" She complained as she burst through the doors to the Grand Hall with the little energy she had reserved.</p>
<p>"-A walk to Curly's office?" Varric mumbled to himself with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched her marching to the other end of the hall without noticing he wasn't following anymore. A smirk appeared on his lips as he remarked, "Maybe that'll actually help her get some sleep."</p>
<p>And Ayla did. </p>
<p>She wasn't discreet either as she chose to walk over the bridge that overlooked Skyhold, where people could clearly see her heading towards the Commander's office. Although that time, she may have looked like a walking corpse at her state. A soldier met her at the doorway, and the way he avoided eye contact with her made her worry. </p>
<p>"Cullen-"</p>
<p>Her eyes narrowed in shock. The office was a mess. Paper, books and other things were scattered all over the floor, and his desk a little slanted to how he usually liked it. A puddle of water soaked her bare feet as she took a step into the room. It was eerily quiet.</p>
<p>"-Ayla."</p>
<p>A yelp escaped her as Cullen appeared behind her. His eyes were narrowed, his lips parted as he was surprised she was standing at his doorway. "W-What are you doing here? You're meant to rest!" He frowned as he marched closer to her, placing a hand on her back, leading her into his office and slamming the door behind them shut - making sure to lock it. He frantically did the same to the other two doors on each side before he stood at the center, looking rather disappointed at the state of his office.</p>
<p>"I apologize for the mess."</p>
<p>"I take it you're renovating. Will the hole in your roof be part of the list?" She turned to humor to tease him, hoping to get a little smile out of him as she pointed upwards to beckon to the hole above his bed.</p>
<p>She was pleased to hear a chuckle out of him. "I quite enjoy that fixture," He replied as he awkwardly began to pick his belongings up from the floor.</p>
<p>"Here, let me help you," She called as she wandered to the other side of him, picking up the books that were flung off from his desk. They were quiet, but she knew very well why things weren't where they were supposed to be, and she hoped that it wasn't because of her.</p>
<p>Although very likely it was.</p>
<p>"You've been reading a lot lately-" She paused as she picked up a copy of Swords &amp; Shields that hid beneath a book about military tactics. Confused, she raised the book to his eye level, a section near the end had a piece of ribbon tucked in between pages.</p>
<p>"I- I've been meaning to return that," He cleared his throat and took it off her on his way up to his feet, slamming down books in a straight and orderly manner at one side of his desk. She followed after him, placing the rest of his belongings on the other side, where he began to arrange them his way.</p>
<p>Cullen had a particular system to how he did things and Ayla found it adorable. </p>
<p>She watched in awe from the other side of his desk. He was very focused at the way he stacked the reports, organizing his books in alphabetical order, and a slight tug at his desk straightened everything to how it was before. A rather proud and satisfied smile followed as he admired his arrangement.</p>
<p>Cullen finally took notice of her. "Why a-are you staring at me like t-that?"</p>
<p>"I always find it interesting how you do things, my love. It's one of your many charms," She cooed with a grin. A grin that hid her pain, quickly turning away to pick up the broken pieces of glass to distract her from the image she saw of him in her nightmares. </p>
<p>"Ayla, you need rest," He sighed. She could hear his footsteps nearing her and his shadow towering over her. She stood up as soon he was close, greeting him at only a step away from each other while holding the stacked pieces carefully atop a book. His knitted brows and his forced, tight-lipped smile didn't hide the fact he was worried for her.</p>
<p>A constant feeling he expressed each and every time she was gone or in pain.</p>
<p>He took the broke pieces from her, throwing them in a bucket that held crumpled and torn paper. She didn't wait for him to turn around before she wrapped her arms around his armor, and her head leaned against the mantle hanging from his back. She closed her eyes to listen to him breathe, enjoying the fact she was able to physically hold him right then and there. Matching his breathing, she felt at one with him.</p>
<p>This was what she needed to calm her racing heart.</p>
<p>Cullen leaned forward, bowing over his desk with his right hand flat against the wood while the other rubbed at his temple.</p>
<p>"I see you in front of me every time I close my eyes, but it's not who I see and feel at this moment, and it calms me to know I didn't kill you with my own hands," Ayla explained to him, mentioning what she saw every time she slept. Since her nightmares started, she's never told anyone exactly what she saw that caused her to scream, why tears would always fill her eyes when she falls asleep.</p>
<p>"What do you see?" His voice quivered.</p>
<p>"Do- Do you really want to know?"</p>
<p>Cullen turned to face her, slightly sitting on his desk as he held her by her arms. The corners of his lips were drawn downwards and his eyes a little shaken, trying desperately to read her so she wouldn't have to speak.</p>
<p>"I see you reaching for me with fearful eyes, like you saw something terrifying. You saw me in a way that I scared you, but-" She paused, hesitating to go on further as she licked and bit at her lower lip, holding back the urge to cry. Her voice began to shake as she said, "-But you were charred by my hands, Cullen. I killed you. I killed everyone. You were all burned alive by a fire that I caused. Maybe it was my temper again, maybe the rage demon returned and took over me."</p>
<p>"You destroyed it," He reminded her as he cupped the side of her face. "You are safe."</p>
<p>"Corypheus was there, and it was the same events that led to the attack in Haven, but this time, he was held in time. He and I... He and I mimicked what happened between Inquisitor Ameridan and the Hakkon God. I didn't finish what I started," She explained in between her whimpers.</p>
<p>"I won't let that happen. We are to march our armies to the Arbor Wilds, and you and I are set to deal with Samson. Throughout all that, we need to stop Corypheus, and I will do what I can to prevent anything to happen to you," Cullen promised as he pulled her into an embrace, the hold around her was tight, the same kind of embrace that he always gave each time she left Skyhold. He was hiding his own tears from her. </p>
<p>"What if my nightmares are telling me my future? What if I am meant to fall into the same fate? I'm deeply afraid that I could end up killing the entire Inquisition- Killing you," Ayla said in a whisper.</p>
<p>"Never-"</p>
<p>"-Cullen." She sobbed, pulling slightly away from him yet keep their bodies pressed against each other. She saw tears form in the corners of his eyes before he kissed her. </p>
<p>Her cheeks felt wet, but they weren't hers. </p>
<p>'<em>He's afraid too.</em>'</p>
<p>Ayla kissed him back, their emotions blended as soon as their tongues met. The touch alone intensified their fears, their sadness, their love, deepening their kiss. Their hands traveled over areas of each other's bodies to where they knew they needed to in order to strip their lover bare - still not parting from their kiss. Each of their fingers began to fiddle with buttons, buckles and belts that got in the way. The heaviness of her overcoat matched the sound of the fall of his mantle, his armor followed with an echo as they parted only to remove what clothing needed to go over their heads, reuniting their lips afterwards. </p>
<p>Layer by layer, they were peeled off their clothes. They stood in front of each other - naked and exposed - both physically and emotionally. The breeze dancing through his window caused the room to become a lot colder, but their bodies - <em>hot</em>. </p>
<p>Cullen turned her to have her sit upon the desk, posed in between her legs as he admired her beauty against the rising moon behind her. She was always a beauty to him, both inside and out. A nod from her signified an invitation, a welcoming call to take her. To be one with her through a night of passion. Books and papers began to fly from the desk once more, not by rage and frustration, but by their love making.</p>
<p>For the first time, she finally slept soundly that evening. </p>
<p>They both did.</p>
<p>A rest they both fully deserved while cradled in each other's arms. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Fate iii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following day, Ayla found herself waking up alone and naked in her lover's bed. It seemed he wrapped her tightly in the thick covers to keep her warm as the cold Frostback wind blasting above her through the hole perfectly atop his bed, the sun peeked through and the sound of birds chirping added to the peaceful way she woke up.</p>
<p>'<em>I didn't dream last night</em>,' She thought as she rolled onto her back, rubbing at the sides of her temple as she tried desperately to recall some sort of memory from the night before.</p>
<p>Visions of Cullen's naked body flashed before her eyes, the way he made love to her was filled with passion yet hinted at fear. His saddened eyes were watery each time she made eye contact with him, hiding them away through a kiss or at the nook of her neck. Each thrust deep into her as she sat atop his desk, it was every bit as pleasurable as the last, making sure she took in every inch of him while holding her close. They were loud, losing themselves in the moment. Her body hadn't weakened from her exhaustion, instead, she continued to call for him more and more.</p>
<p>"Then I fell asleep, cradled in his arms," She said aloud as she ended her recollection, sounding like she recited some sort of romance story she read in her spare time. A sigh escaped her, feeling at her chest whilst her heart thumped heavily against her, the weight of her fears slightly lifted as she could only believe Cullen had helped her in some way.</p>
<p>"Commander Cullen, have you seen the Inquisitor? Lady Josephine has requested an audience with her."</p>
<p>Ayla narrowed her eyes and threw the blanket above her head as though it were to protect her, even though she knew that it would have no effect.</p>
<p>"She is preoccupied at the moment, but I will be sure to pass the message once I see her," Cullen replied in his most professional tone, also sounding like a guard for her. The sounds of his books being arranged made it clear he was cleaning after their mess. "Was there anything else?"</p>
<p>"Lady Leliana has called for a meeting at the war council in regards to updates from the Arbor Wilds. Could you-"</p>
<p>"Yes, yes, I'll inform the Inquisitor also. Tell her I will be there within the hour." He dismissed the scout.</p>
<p>"Yes Commander," The messenger scout noted before leaving the office.</p>
<p>Ayla waited for the click of the door before she scurried out of the bed, rushing to put on the layers of clothing she had from the night prior - or lack thereof. A robe and an overcoat without any undergarments weren't exactly appropriate. She climbed down once she was set and greeted her beloved, who stopped and stood by his bookshelf with a warm and welcoming gaze.</p>
<p>"Hi," He cooed.</p>
<p>"Hi," She smiled.</p>
<p>"I figure you may have heard your messages?" He asked. "I hope Josephine and Leliana know they can't always pass me your messages."</p>
<p>"You do see me more often," She teased as she walked closer to him. He welcomed her with a touch of her hands, pecking atop of them as his way to show his affection. She adored that about him.</p>
<p>"You are looking better. Your color has returned and you seem to have better energy," He commented, examining her with his eyes for any problems.</p>
<p>"I didn't dream last night." She bowed her head and stared at her embraced hands, as though his own hands were shielding hers.</p>
<p>"Neither did I," He said as he leaned his forehead on hers.</p>
<p>"I may have misinterpreted what Inquisitor Ameridan had told me," She said with guilt. "He told me to take moments of happiness where I can find them, the world will take the rest. I let the fear take over me, I didn't appreciate the people who are there for me, who keep me sane. Cassandra, Dorian, Bull, Sera, Cole, Vivienne, Solas, Varric, Blackwall, Josephine, Leliana and you. You all make me happy."</p>
<p>"The world will never take you from me." He released her hands to embrace her.</p>
<p>"I know it won't, because no matter what, I will always come home," She said with confidence. "You are where I am at my happiest."</p>
<p>"As are you," He cooed. He's never stopped saying she made him happy, to himself and to her, a constant reminder that nothing is impossible, all he had to do was wait.</p>
<p>They shared a parting kiss before Cullen watched Ayla leave. Her back was always the last thing he saw before she was gone, and his nightmares have often twisted them to see her go for good. Yet their nights together sometimes stopped those twisted dreams and have a happier story, one in particular had always caught his attention and always dwelled on it.</p>
<p>The dream made him happy. It was just the sight of her back facing him, but she turned around and reached her hand out to him, telling him that he's home for good. A bright smile on her face as she was glowing in her own radiance, dressed in a long, white gown and a veil clipped onto her tied bronze hair. Her beauty was unparalleled.</p>
<p>That dream turned into a goal. An aspiration. That dream was the sign he sought after, more than ever, that dream reassured him that he wanted to marry her. He wanted a future with her in it.</p>
<p>"Ayla Malin Rutherford," Cullen muttered to himself in his daydream, a smirk appearing on his face as he enjoyed the ring to it. He caught himself before he said anything more, his chest heaved heavily as he scanned the room to make sure no one was there to hear him utter such words. The embarrassment took over him, despite no other presence in his office as he continued to put away his books.</p>
<p>"Only if she wants to, of course," He went on to talk to himself.</p>
<p>×××</p>
<p>"That is settled. Cullen and I will leave to the Shrine of Dumat tomorrow evening and find what we need to for Samson. Once we return, we'll prepare everyone for the attack." Ayla declared. After hours and hours of bickering and planning in the war room with the three advisers, they finally decided when they would march to the Arbor Wilds. It had to be well thought out plan, otherwise Corypheus could outsmart them.</p>
<p>"Inquisitor." The three bowed their heads in agreement before they took their leave.</p>
<p>The formality left also.</p>
<p>"The tavern calls for us, Ayla," Josephine called out as soon as they left the war room. "I actually have a few moments to spare, and Empress Celene has just gifted us a crate of the finest Orlesian wine that I am eagerly wanting to try."</p>
<p>"Oh Ambassador, that is rare," Ayla laughed and agreed almost instantly. She was not one to turn down a good night at the tavern.</p>
<p>"I will assemble everyone at once!" The excitement in her voice as she rushed further ahead.</p>
<p>"I will see you there," Leliana smirked as she followed Josephine not long after. </p>
<p>"I will pass," Cullen bluntly spoke up as he appeared right next to her. Ayla shook her head knowing why, he had bitterness in him from the last game of Wicked Grace, but she knows he visited the tavern regularly to talk to the Iron Bull and his Chargers.</p>
<p>He said it was to build morale.</p>
<p>"I finally have a little more time before another grand battle, and you would not like to spend it with me?" She teasingly poked at him. She watched him purse his lips together, obviously debating in his own mind.</p>
<p>"Fine." The defeat in his voice said it all, he was only going because she was.</p>
<p>Ayla hid her excited reaction as he said his response as they reached the Grand Hall, the nobles fluttering about amongst themselves, whispering gossip at their expense. Cullen agreed at the perfect time on purpose as a way to avoid seeing her react, a punishment in itself as Ayla always expressed her joy when he agreed to something in defeat. Somewhat like playing a game of chess with, and he just played his piece.</p>
<p>'<em>Clever</em>,' She commented to herself.</p>
<p>They walked alongside each other in silence. Ayla quietly observing her surroundings, seeing some of her traveling companions - <em>her friends</em> - making their way to the tavern. The skies were getting darker as the sun began to set, the lights of every building and tower in Skyhold slowly grew brighter. She felt at ease that everything there was still in order. </p>
<p>Even more knowing she would be spending some time with the people she worked with - not as colleagues, but friends. </p>
<p>As they reached closer to the tavern, Cullen pulled her to a stop just three feet from the door. He turned her around and reached for the lucky coin that dangled at the chain, caressing the charm a couple of times. He was very serious while doing so. </p>
<p>"What are you doing?" She asked, holding in a laugh. </p>
<p>"I'm seeing if I could gather more luck before getting into another round against Josephine. Maker knows I'll be needing it," He explained as he finally released the charm. A sigh escaped him, the doubt showing through his eyes as he cussed under his breath and thought aloud - "I'm losing a lot of coin tonight."</p>
<p>"You know Leliana is here too-" </p>
<p>"-Maker's balls! She's already hard enough to read." He exclaimed. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry, my love." Her laugh escaped her as she gave him a hug. "Just don't lose your drawers tonight."</p>
<p>"I cannot promise you that," He groaned as they parted and walked into the tavern together, where they were greeted by loud roars of cheer. </p>
<p>Especially from the Iron Bull, who seemed to have already started wine tasting before everyone else, clinging desperately onto his lover, Dorian, who wasn't too pleased with the public display of attention. Yet the blush tinting at his cheeks said otherwise. Ever since Ayla asked them about it, they've been more open in the least subtle ways - in other words, everyone at the tavern hears them sometimes and a couple of noise complaints have piled up on her desk as well as a fire hazard report. Something about the mage unable to hold back during a night of passion. </p>
<p>Fortunately, she's been in control lately. Her first night with Cullen led to the bigger hole in his roof. </p>
<p>Ayla took her spot next to Josephine and Cassandra, who greeted her with flustered cheeks. The sight of a loosened up Seeker was one of her favorites. Cullen took his seat next to Varric and Cole, the former egging him on to regain his pride after to the previous Wicked Grace game. They sat opposite each other, the flirty smiles and glances became more evident once they started taking sips of the Orlesian wine. </p>
<p>"And we are complete!" Josephine happily clapped her hands together as she stood from her seat, a deck of cards in her hand. "The game is Wicked Grace-" </p>
<p>That was how their game nights started, a quick introduction to Wicked Grace for the weaker players - her, Cullen, Cole and Cassandra were one or the few. Everyone, even Solas and Vivienne, were present for that particular gathering, especially since they all feared that it may actually be their last. Corypheus was so close, within arm's reach, and then the chaos would cease. The breach would close and there was no guarantee they would all be together by the end of it.</p>
<p>Not to say Ayla was ungrateful, she felt more grateful than ever. She watched her colleagues go from just colleagues working to end the troubles in Thedas to actually becoming very close friends. She would never have thought she would see the day that Cassandra, the Seeker who distrusted her at the very beginning, now confidently calls her a friend. Or Varric, who didn't want to do anything with the shit hitting the fan, but forced to, ended up being the narrator she needed the most. Even Dorian, a noble Tevinter mage, became her best friend. They often gossiped during their long journeys and bicker over silly little things, but they grew a love for each other that they couldn't let go. </p>
<p>Those were only naming a few of the important figures she grew to love. And what mattered most is that at the end of the day, no matter where they were in Thedas, they were what formed a rather odd yet very functional family for her. They were part of the happy moments that she never wanted to take for granted. An advice from her predecessor that she held close to her heart. </p>
<p>Ayla closed her eyes for a moment. The recurring nightmare flashed before her, but it was different to how she remembered it. In her momentary bliss, the scene of fire engulfing everyone she loved were replaced. The skies were no long red, it was bright and sunny that felt like a Summer's day. The charred bodies slowly crumbled back into the lively form of her friends, they were no longer wielding their weapons, instead, stood in front of her with a smiles and laughter. Her beloved was too. Cullen stood in front of her with his hand still reaching for her to take it, yet he wasn't dressed in his usual armor, but a more formal attire. She then turned to see where the taunting figure of Corypheus once stood frozen in time, but he was replaced by Mother Giselle, who held her hands up in front of her as she chanted a blessing. And lastly, she checked her state, she was relieved to see that she was no longer kneeling nor was she holding her staff in desperation. Instead, she stood on her own two feet in front of the building in Haven, fully dressed in white.</p>
<p>Then she realized what the nightmare changed to, and for the first time in a long time, it was absolutely what she wanted.</p>
<p>"Ayla, why are you smiling like a goof over there? Don't tell me you're already drunk!" Dorian called, snapping her out of her happy vision.</p>
<p>She shook her head and smiled. "No, I just needed a moment to figure out how to get some of your coin pile onto mine," She replied as she exchanged quick glances with Cullen, who returned her smile.</p>
<p><em>'Ayla Rutherford, huh,</em>' She thought to herself, feeling a burst of butterflies fluttering in her stomach, her heart skipped a beat at the sound of a new last name. </p>
<p>'<em>Kind of sounds nice.</em>'</p>
<p>No matter where fate took her, that was definitely one of them. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hi," Cullen greeted their usual greeting.</p>
<p>"Hi." Ayla wasn't as cheerful as usual. </p>
<p>His beloved stood by the door way of his office, arms crossed over her chest as she leaned on one side with a rather questionable look on her face, which made him feel sweat at the back of his neck as he anxiously anticipated what she was going to say next. </p>
<p>"Solona Amell, huh?"</p>
<p>Cullen stared at her rather surprised she even uttered that name out of her lips. That name is nothing more than a distant memory to him, one that he closely associated to his past, and one that pained him to know he was part of her death.</p>
<p>She too was a mage, one he was smitten with during his youthful years as a naive Templar. </p>
<p>"What of her?" He swallowed - <em>hard</em>. </p>
<p>Ayla shrugged and handed him a piece of paper, a letter, signed by Hawke to have her ask her lover of the Amell cousin from the Circle. She knew that he was at a circle because of his past as a Templar, but he wasn't exactly open to what went on there other than what was written in the books. He did tell her about a mage he was smitten with, just not her name or any detail.</p>
<p>"I thought we already had this conversation, why is this open again?" She spoke rather unimpressed. "Is there something you're not telling me, Cullen?"</p>
<p>"It's Hawke," He groaned, slightly wrinkling the paper by his fingers in annoyance. "He's never going to stop harrasing me after what happened in Kirkwall."</p>
<p>"So, there is nothing to worry about here? This is a matter you and Hawke need to talk about?" </p>
<p>He shook his head as he slightly slammed his palm om his desk. "Nothing to worry about. He won't stop this. And She- <em>Well-</em> She's... She's already passed on."</p>
<p>Ayla narrowed her eyes, taken aback. "Should I know what happened?" She barely made the words out as she could only imagine what happened. She's heard the stories, not only from Cullen's experience, but from the Enchanters from the Ostwick Circle about the way mages were treated elsewhere.</p>
<p>"Solona helped a friend of hers, an apprentice, who happened to be a blood mage. She had just passed her Harrowing too-" A slight smirk escaped him at his recollection, slightly shaking his head. "-She was quite a talented mage, and I admit, I was smitten by her, but it was such a shame that blood mage, Jowan, dragged her down to her own demise."</p>
<p>"You were smitten, right?" </p>
<p>He nodded. "Yes, but like I had told you before, it was just that. I was only young, I followed the rules, and she was kind, soft spoken and helpful." </p>
<p>"Hmm... If she was related to Hawke, I'm guessing she was quite a charmer then." Ayla rubbed her chin, trying to picture her with the image she had of Hawke, who always spoke highly of his cousin. </p>
<p>"Ha! Nothing like Hawke." Cullen scoffed as he pushed himself to stand straight, finally meeting her gaze as he added, "She's nothing like you, either. If that is what you're asking."</p>
<p>A pout pressed against her lips as she squinted her eyes at him. "Despite being a Templar for most of your life and knowing the rules around it, you are very much attracted to mages, Cullen."</p>
<p>"Maybe," He chuckled. "I mean... I have you, and you so happen to be a mage. I don't think I get to choose who I fall for."</p>
<p>"Yes, but you are free to choose how you act upon it."</p>
<p>"Of course. I just wish that I could have apologized to Solona. She wasn't spiteful towards Templars at all, but I became cruel towards mages." He sighed. "Worse when I arrived at Kirkwall." </p>
<p>"I feel that I should be angrier about that," Ayla admitted out of the blue. "Hawke told me-"</p>
<p>"-Of what I did in Kirkwall?"</p>
<p>She nodded. "I feel like I should be angrier with you for what you did to the mages. He painted quite a picture that I wouldn't have expected from you. And you can't really say that your Knight-Commander told you to do them, you were old enough to be aware and make your own decision."</p>
<p>Cullen's expression saddened, everything drooped with his shame as he turned away from her, not able to say anything else. Ashamed to even face her, a mage no less. He leaned against the concrete wall and stared out the window, hoping the breeze from the mountains helped numb him.</p>
<p>It didn't work.</p>
<p>He heard her footsteps get closer, enough for her shadow to become more opaque. Still unable to look her in the eyes, he closed his instead as he felt her warm touch slide upwards, placing them flat on the sides of his face, tugging slightly with force to face her.</p>
<p>"Cullen, I know I should be angrier, but Andraste smite me, I'm not," Ayla spoke in barely a whisper. "Look at me. Open your eyes."</p>
<p>"I can't-"</p>
<p>"-I'm not on my throne, I'm not here to pass judgment on you," She joked.</p>
<p>Still reluctant, he slowly opened his eyes and met her hazel-colored beauty. One filled with only love for him.</p>
<p>"Was that so hard?" She continued to tease as she reached for his right hand, placing them just above the left side of her chest. A smile curved at her lips, the glowing warmth radiated off her like she was the source of his emotions, safety and comfort.</p>
<p>He was enamored, just from the touch alone.</p>
<p>"My love, I met you as the man you are now, and I fell in love with the man you are today. Like you said, I can't choose who I fall for, may he be a Templar, mage or a regular farmer in the Hinterlands." </p>
<p>Ayla's words were like music to his ears. </p>
<p>"Yes, your past is unforgivable, but you are on the road to atone for them. You have done so much already, despite some clashes, you aren't the man Hawke or Varric painted you to be. And I am absolutely proud of you because of it. You deserve happiness, Cullen Stanton Rutherford."</p>
<p>Cullen became speechless. The woman in front of him couldn't have said that. Those words continued to echo and burn into him. She did just say that. Those words were beautiful. His heart raced, stomach filled with butterflies as he pulled her into an embrace, locking her into his chest, letting her hear his heart beat. He tried to speak, a whimper could only escape him as tears uncontrollably fell from his eyes. He couldn't stop them, but they were tears that needed to be shed for many years of suffering.</p>
<p>Ayla kept her smile, closing her eyes and leaning closer into the cold metal of his armor, hearing the echo of his heart. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him closer as it was her turn to comfort him. She knew he needed it.</p>
<p>In fact, she spent the rest of her afternoon doing her own work in his office to keep him from breaking down, knowing all to well his withdrawals from Lyrium could trigger because of what they had just talked about. Soldiers, scouts and messengers ran in and out of his office throughout the afternoon, relaying all sorts of messages and reports. Everyone in Skyhold knew that if the Inquisitor wasn't in her quarters, then she was with the Commander, and vice versa. There was really no point in hiding what is really happening between the Commander and the Inquisitor, was there? If the nobles in Orlais knew, then everyone in Skyhold - for sure - knew. </p>
<p>That time, she really just wanted to be there for him when he needed her before she would wander off on another mission again. Fortunately, her next mission included him, which was quite rare. But it also meant they could have more time together. Something she often wished for, but not push for as she feared he could be harmed during their travels together. </p>
<p>Even Scout Harding spent more time with her outside of Skyhold. </p>
<p>But being in his office, working together, was enough for her. She appreciated the little moments. </p>
<p>"Hmm," Ayla hummed as she sat at the corner of his desk, skimming a report from Josephine. "You and Hawke really aren't close, huh?"</p>
<p>"I wouldn't say close, no. We did some work together, that was all," Cullen replied professionally from behind his desk as he thoroughly read his copy of the same report from Josephine. </p>
<p>"I figure. During the time working with him, he and Varric were really saying things about you." She poked for his perspective. She was curious as Hawke and Varric kept everything as vague as possible, knowing she was one to pry out of her own curiosity.</p>
<p>"What things?" </p>
<p>Unfortunately, he knew what she was doing.</p>
<p>"Like how you went into the Blooming Rose one night-"</p>
<p>"-No, I did not. Well yes, but not what you think." </p>
<p>But he still fell for it.</p>
<p>"A brothel, huh. I didn't expect you to be one-"</p>
<p>"-I am not. I went in there to find the Templar recruits that hadn't returned and I got banned. Hawke nor Varric know what really happened that night they saw me walking out of there." He became defensive. She noticed the corner of his lips twitching, the side of his scar, making it dance.</p>
<p>"I told you, my love, I'm not judging you. If you needed to release steam of some sort, then-" She teased as she hid her mischief behind the paper.</p>
<p>"-Trevelyan," Cullen called.</p>
<p>"Y-Yes, Commander." Ayla remained playful, getting off his desk and faced him with a straight salute as if she were one of his soldiers. He reacted exactly the way she wanted him to - with a laugh, breaking the seriousness of his demeanor.</p>
<p>"You are a distraction," He tried to say in a stern voice, between his loose chuckles. "At this rate, I don't think I would be able to finish everything before we leave."</p>
<p>"Would you like me to leave, Commander?" She still played the part of a soldier, her arm upwards in the steady salute.</p>
<p>"N-No!" He nearly yelled, his laughter ended abruptly as his face became serious. "I- No, no, just stay with me a little longer."</p>
<p>Her expression softened as she lowered her arm. She saw the sudden change of mood in him due to his own fears, and he expressed his need for her again in just those words as well as his sad eyes - sort of like a lost puppy. </p>
<p>"Of course, my love," She said in a loving way as she approached him on the other side of his desk, leaning forward to lightly peck on his lips.</p>
<p>A faint smile appeared once she parted.</p>
<p>"Much better," She smirked, boasting at her success to even see an upward curve of his lips - even if the rest of his expression and body language said otherwise.</p>
<p>"I love you."</p>
<p>"I love you too."</p>
<p>The little moments. </p>
<p>Before Ayla went back to her own work, she realized something she forgot to ask. She cocked an eyebrow, arms crossed. Cullen stared at her with some confusion as she asked, "So I wasn't your only mage then?" </p>
<p>"You're the only mage, my love. What do you mean?" </p>
<p>"Well-" A blush appeared her cheek, the same flustered look on her face as when she first showed him a sign of her jealous side. </p>
<p>"-My love. Only you." He couldn't help but find her absolutely adorable. A rare moment, but nonetheless a reaction out of jealousy. </p>
<p>"I wasn't your first," She mumbled. </p>
<p>"Yes you are. You are also my last," He replied with a smirk, shaking his head as he went back to reading all the reports on his desk. "Unless, of course, we have a child with magic potential, then you probably won't be my last-"</p>
<p>He bit his tongue, realizing what he just thought aloud towards her. He began to blush, rather embarrassed and turning shy as he lowered himself to the reports on his desk, pretending he didn't say anything. </p>
<p>Ayla only grinned, but also fell to a slight shyness as she too went back to her own reports. Imagining what said child may look like. That future sounded certain.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Past ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Say Cullen."</p>
<p>"Yes, Samson." </p>
<p>"You're not really going to act on any of your urges with any of the mages now, are you? I know there's been some lingering glances from across the way between you and a couple of the female mages." </p>
<p>"It's... That's against the rules. We're bound by our duty."</p>
<p>"Bah, I know, but it's always been taboo. I was merely curious about your input. You don't have a particular mage you feel protective of?"</p>
<p>"No. And I won't fall for it - <em>again</em>. I nearly fell for it before and it still distracted me from my duty." </p>
<p>"You are quite a by-the-book person, huh Cullen?" </p>
<p>"If that's how you will explain me, then sure." </p>
<p>"Listen, if you ever meet a mage and you fall in love, don't say I told you so." </p>
<p>"I highly doubt that." </p>
<p>×××</p>
<p>Cullen woke up from another dream, slightly dazed that he even dreamed of an odd conversation he had with his former roommate. His headaches began to get worse the more he thought about Samson and his actions. He couldn't control the pain at one point that Ayla had forced everyone to camp for the evening so he could lie down and rest. For some time now, she's finally eased him into agreeing to let her numb his pain with ice magic, which helped him fall asleep whenever he couldn't sleep. </p>
<p>"He definitely told me so," He said to himself as he forced himself off his cot and walked out to meet his beloved - a mage - sitting alone by the fire, somewhat looking at peace despite what they encountered.</p>
<p>If Samson had not been tainted by Corypheus and had known who he vowed his heart to, it would be a whole different conversation. </p>
<p>Ayla spotted him almost instantly, stretching a smile across her lips as she tilted her head and asked, "How are you feeling, my love?" </p>
<p>"A little better. I think the numbing technique is working a lot better," He answered, although he still felt the little pounding at the sides of his head. That's what he called the ice magic Ayla uses on him, it was his way to cope being so close to it without triggering a negative outburst from his trauma. </p>
<p>"That's good," She cooed. </p>
<p>"I... I still never expected that of Samson. What he did to Maddox is unforgiving." He thought aloud as he began to pace back and forth by the fire set right in the middle of their camp. She could only watch in silence as he kept talking to himself, filled with disbelief of what he saw.</p>
<p>What they found in the Shrine of Dumat was horrifying to look at, and it pained Ayla to see her beloved fear being even near the Red Lyrium. The tainted and twisted forms of former Templars was too much to bare, and she saw, despite every swing of his sword to kill them, Cullen was painfully doing so. Some were former colleagues from Kirkwall. A poisoned Maddox, gasping for air, was the nail on the coffin. His body in a casket on the cart nearby as Ayla wanted to give him a proper burial.</p>
<p>"We've got what we needed. We'll talk to Dagna and have something for Samson," Cullen continued to plan whilst talking to himself. "What Dagna will make could be very helpful for you, my love."</p>
<p>"Hmm?" She jolted from her seat, nearly tipping the cup of water in her hand. "Do you think it'd work?"</p>
<p>"Dagna has an odd method, but her creations haven't failed us," He replied, seating himself down next to his beloved and stared deep into her eyes. The worrying side of him showing, almost always as they approach the end. It was very endearing.</p>
<p>"I need to know that you'll be safe," He added, his brows frowning. "I need to know that everything we are working towards, everything we are doing, results in you coming back."</p>
<p>"When have I not returned to you?" She asked, reaching to caress his cheek.</p>
<p>He placed his hand above hers. "In my nightmares. I've-" He swallowed. "I've seen your shadows turn to dust. I've seen you come back wrapped in a blood soaked blanket. I've seen your-"</p>
<p>"-Cullen, stop." Ayla had to shush him. "They're not going to come true. I've returned to Skyhold holding my guts in from pulling a demon out of me, and I've also come back with barely a scratch. Nothing is going to stop me from coming back to you."</p>
<p>"Of course not, I'm just-"</p>
<p>"-Afraid?"</p>
<p>"Well, if you say it so blatantly, then yes," He admitted without debate.</p>
<p>"Hmm... Why don't you tell me a fond memory you have of Samson, my love." She changed the subject, well not entirely, but it was for him to think of sunshine and rainbows instead of the hell they were going to go throigh once they reach the Arbor Wilds.</p>
<p>Based on the way he slightly furrowed his brows and pursed his lips, Cullen wasn't having partocularly interested in talking about the memories he had with Samson, but he sighed and reluctantly went along with her. He turned away, letting her touch slip from him and trapped them in between his palms as he stared into the fire. Lost in his thoughts, Ayla couldn't help but stare at the silhouette in front of her, every curve and straight line that formed his face was stunning. </p>
<p>'<em>I shouldn't get distracted.</em>' </p>
<p>It took him a little bit before he finally parted his lips and started talking to her again. She didn't mind as she was ogling at him while she waited.</p>
<p>"Before Samson left the Order, he told me something that always stuck by me, and it didn't help when I fell in love with you," Cullen started. His light joke at the end made Ayla cock an eyebrow in confusion, but she bit her tongue to stop herself from reacting.</p>
<p>"Samson told me that I'd fall in love with a mage-"</p>
<p>"-You did, Hawke's cousin-"</p>
<p>"-<em>No</em>," He sternly stopped her speaking. His lips curved upwards as he tried his best to hold on a chuckle at her response, instead, he bowed down to press his lips at the back of her hand. "No, my love, you."</p>
<p>"Hmm." She hummed.</p>
<p>"And I always rejected the thought until it happened. If Samson wasn't aligned with Corypheus, he would scoff at my face and tell me that he told me so."</p>
<p>"Why would he say that?" She tilted her head a little, like a curious pup.</p>
<p>"Because he believed that by being quite... Uh- As he described me, 'by-the-book', the one factor in my life that wouldn't be would be my relationship." He let out a light exhale, smiling at the memory while staring into the fire. She could tell he was reminiscing the fond memories, the ones that were worth the thought.</p>
<p>"A Templar and a Mage is pretty cliché in romance novels," Ayla jokingly added. "How cliché of you."</p>
<p>He snorted, followed by a hearty chuckle. "It wasn't by choice," He said in between. "I'm glad I found you."</p>
<p>"I'm glad I found you too."</p>
<p>"I didn't think it would ever have come to this." His tone back to a stern one. His smile straightened as he stared deep into her eyes, focused and serious as he said, "But I am slightly at ease that you are the one to strike Samson down. Had it been anyone else, it wouldn't feel right."</p>
<p>"Why not you?"</p>
<p>"I-" He shook his head, looking away for a brief moment. "I wouldn't be able to."</p>
<p>"I know you have questions. Would it be better if I were to bring him back to Skyhold for questioning?"</p>
<p>"W-What?"</p>
<p>Ayla gave him a similarly serious look with a rather expressionless face. "I think we can gain a lot from Samson if we bring him back to Skyhold instead."</p>
<p>"Only if-" He seemed rather surprised, caught off-guard by her decision. "You are the Inquisitor, I mean, it would be your choice."</p>
<p>"I'll bring him back, Cullen," She said, sounding exactly like the leader of the Inquisition, but actually choosing to do what she said to put him at ease. </p>
<p>"As you wish," He replied softly, not to the Inquisitor, but to the woman he loved, who he knew hid her true intentions behind her Inquisitor voice. "It might help answer some of the questions I have."</p>
<p>"I know," She smiled. </p>
<p>Her smile always made him calm down. His heart would stop racing, his stomach would stop churning, and his thoughts become less like a puzzle and more like a clear picture. She calmed him.</p>
<p>"What are you staring at?"</p>
<p>Cullen only smiled back, leaning forward towards her to give her a quick kiss on the lips. "Just you."</p>
<p>A light blush appeared on her cheeks, though not very visible, the flames from the campfire helped let him see as she sat there looking less confident. She broke from their eye contact, turning towards the fire as she shyly asked, "Would... Would your family be accepting of me being a mage?"</p>
<p>"My family?"</p>
<p>"Y-Yes, your sisters and b-brother." She became a lot more awkward, which he didn't expect.</p>
<p>"Of course. Where is this coming from?" He cocked an eyebrow upwards, leaning to the side to meet her gaze, which she avoided and he willingly followed. He swayed left and right a couple of times before she finally met his gaze. "You aren't usually this way."</p>
<p>"Well- I-" Ayla gulped, she let in a deep inhale before blowing it all out through her flared nostrils. She focused on him as she unwillingly confessed - "While you were asleep, Dorian asked me all these questions that I hadn't thought about more seriously until now. It may have been because I was too busy, or I didn't expect us to become so serious, but we did and I-"</p>
<p>"-You didn't expect us to be serious?" Cullen repeated, sounding a little hurt.</p>
<p>"Yes, I mean- <em>No</em>! I did. I did think we were going to be serious. I wouldn't commit to you if I wasn't sure. But I was afraid of hurting you, knowing your past, and then hurting myself again. Then I became so obsessed with the past, getting to know you in the present and getting all this mess to come to a complete halt that I never really sat you down and asked you, what comes next for us." She was talking quite fast, her hands flailing around to accompany her constantly changing expressions as she kept thinking out loud. "We've mentioned marriage, mentioned maybe having children someday, but we've never really sat and talked about it. Like where do you even want to live after all this? South Reach, obviously, with your family. And when Dorian asked me such questions, I started to panic about whether or not you wanted us after all this and now I can't sleep."</p>
<p>Ayla, in that moment, was just another person having a personal crisis. It always eased him to know that even behind the title, the burden, the magic and the glowing left hand was a woman who, in that moment, was having a crisis over their relationship. She sounded like there was no Corypheus, like there was no corpse in the cart nearby, or that the whole discovery of the Shrine of Dumat ever happened. </p>
<p>It eased him to know she was, in that moment, human. </p>
<p>"Are you done?"</p>
<p>She took another deep breath, sipping at the water in her mug as she gave a little nod in response.</p>
<p>"We haven't had much time to talk about it. We barely see each other in between all of our work. But we can," He said softly, trying to calm her this time.</p>
<p>"T-Then," She mumbled. "Was I right? Would you want to settle down in South Reach to be with your family?"</p>
<p>Cullen smirked at the thought of Mia finally getting a hold of him after so many years, and bringing Ayla home with him would be icing on the cake. Having another member of their small family would make his older Sister leap for joy, especially if it meant him finally settling down. Then he remembered Ayla's own family. </p>
<p>"Would that be all right?" He asked, seeking some sort of assurance that she too would go with him. "I don't want to be the reason you don't return to the Free Marches to be with your family."</p>
<p>"I would much prefer to visit than to live with them," She replied with a roll of her eyes. "I've been away for so long, I often wonder if I'm even welcome back. We talk about my nobility, my background, but to tell you the truth, the only reason it's there instead of being fully stripped from it is because of my Father's persistence."</p>
<p>The sadness in her eyes glistened, showing a glimpse of possible tears that she held back. She became lost in thought for a moment, the mention of her Father ached her heart - it would be a lie to say she didn't miss them. </p>
<p>A little huff escaped her as she added, "So yes, it would be all right with me if we settled down in South Reach. Only if you'll have me?"</p>
<p>"And why wouldn't I?"</p>
<p>"I don't know-" She shrugged with grin. "I'm a mage known to bring danger and drama with me wherever I go. It might ruin the quiet life you rightfully deserve."</p>
<p>"You're wrong," He chuckled, pecking the back of her hand once more. "You're really the excitement I need in my life."</p>
<p>A giggle escaped her. "So South Reach?"</p>
<p>He nodded with a smile, excited for what was to come. Something he knew he needed after quite a long time.</p>
<p>"Hmm, then..." Ayla tapped at her chin with the edge of the mug. "You'll have to teach me proper Ferelden etiquette. I don't want to stick out." </p>
<p>"Sure."</p>
<p>'<em>He told me so.</em>'</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Past iii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A lot of Cullen perspectives in the next few chapters, only because we all know how the maon storyline goes... Right?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>A year ago... </em>
</p>
<p>"People say you are the Herald of Andraste." </p>
<p>"Look, I'm just a mage, or a prisoner actually. But people call me a survivor of whatever just happened at the temple. I don't know what is going on or how I came to be here, but I can't have that title on me."</p>
<p>"I am merely curious," Cullen replied as he and the one the people of Haven called, the Herald, stood alone in the designated council room. She was upset. More so, frustrated, that she was called as such with no sure recollection of what happened before the explosion. </p>
<p>She was covered in bandages and bruises. Her left hand continued to spark a green hue. </p>
<p>It was admittedly fascinating. </p>
<p>"Sorry," She breathed heavily. "I didn't mean to take my anger out on you," She added with a smile. </p>
<p>Caught off-guard, he froze on the spot, like a prey cornered by a beast. </p>
<p>'<em>Yet... Her smile. It was very warm. Very... Welcoming.</em>' </p>
<p>"A-Ayla, was it?" He struggled to put words together. </p>
<p>She nodded in response. "Yes. Ayla Trevelyan. Cullen, right? Or should I say, Commander Cullen?" </p>
<p>"Mhmm," He nodded back. "The latter." </p>
<p>Silence took over the room almost instantly, a slight awkward tension followed. He could only stare at her, cautiously, as she was still a mage. A mage with a green spark on her hand that had the power to close any opened rifts, and potentially, the bigger breach in the sky. He wasn't surprised with what mages could accomplish, but he was surprised that the entirety of Thedas lay in the hands of one. </p>
<p>The thought ached his head.</p>
<p>He began to rub at his temple, breathing heavily with his nose flaring. Gritting his teeth slightly at the painful shots and throbbing.</p>
<p>"Are you all right?" </p>
<p>"Yes," He slightly hissed. A little hostile. </p>
<p>"All right..." She mumbled, sounding rather defeated as she stepped away and completely turning her back towards him as she examined the frames on the walls. </p>
<p>He was skeptical, but he had to believe. Cullen didn't want to be the man he was known to be in Kirkwall anymore. He wanted to atone for his sins. He wanted to change. </p>
<p>And she was there, right in front of him. </p>
<p>Staring at her. Watching her movements. He had to believe in her. A mage, no less. </p>
<p>"My apologies," He said, slightly swallowing a little of his pride. "I didn't-" </p>
<p>She turned around. Her hazel eyes sparkled as she still kept a smile across her lips. Her arms crossed over her breast as she stopped him from explaining himself further with a shake of her head. </p>
<p>"You don't need to apologize. I have had plenty of hostility and defensive reactions since I arrived," She spoke softly. "I completely understand such reaction. I'm a mage, after all, and I happened to be the only survivor at the Conclave. I don't blame anyone, especially not Cassandra."</p>
<p>His lips parted, ready to say something - <em>anything</em> - but nothing came out. He was speechless. Completely surprised by her response. </p>
<p>"And I don't blame you either," She ended as the door opened at the perfect time. The other advisers began to enter one by one. </p>
<p>Josephine entered first. "Great! You are here, we need to speak about your heritage, Herald," She greeted. </p>
<p>Leliana quietly followed with a raven on her shoulder, then the Seeker, Cassandra, not long after. All staring at the both of them with curious glances. </p>
<p>"What happened?" Cassandra spoke up. </p>
<p>"Nothing, we were just talking," The Herald replied faster than he could. She waved her right hand to dismiss what questions may come next and beckoned to the map laid out perfectly across the table. </p>
<p>Everyone gathered around the table, to their usual spots. Cullen was right in front of her, exchanging a glance into each other's eyes before he quickly turned away to avoid her. The way she spoke to him, the way she treated him... Maybe it really was just her presence around him. He hadn't felt that way with the other women in the room, just her. </p>
<p>And it was different. </p>
<p><em>No</em>.</p>
<p>She was different. </p>
<p>He just couldn't put a finger on it. </p>
<p>×××</p>
<p>The day before the march, Ayla instructed everyone to rest and calm down. Enjoy the chance of freedom they were able to have in just those last few hours. Anything could happen in the Arbor Wilds, and she didn't want anyone to be filled with regrets. </p>
<p>Leliana tended to her birds and not-so-secret nugs in her quarters. Josephine and Vivienne socialized with the nobles without talking about work. Some of her trusted traveling companions gathered at the tavern to enjoy their time off, while others lile Cassandra, Solas and Blackwall stayed to themselves and prepared.</p>
<p>She spent her time with Cullen. Instructing everyone not to disturb unless it was a very important matter. </p>
<p>Naked and alone in her private quarters, spending their first few hours together making love, and ending with being in each other's arms inside a nice warm bath. A moment they both longed for and enjoyed. They were apart since they returned from the Shrine of Dumat. She was busy sorting things with Morrigan and he was busy training the soldiers, other times, it was the amount of reports and paperwork to deal with. They met only once, sometimes twice, and that was for their war council meeting and to sleep.</p>
<p>Ayla was seated between his legs, leaning against her head to his left arm as she played with his fingers. The drops of water was all that can be heard whilst they sat in their own silence. Cullen had his head against his right, his thumb and index fingers pressed at his temple as he closed his eyes in an attempt to relax.</p>
<p>"We never finished talking," She mumbled out of the blue. He let out a hum in response as she then added, "And now that we found a little time to ourselves, I was wondering when I could meet your family?"</p>
<p>"Meet my family?" He repeated.</p>
<p>"You took me to a lake by your hometown, but I've never been to South Reach or most of Ferelden. Well, not for a leisurely walk, of course," She thought aloud, still stroking his hand as she began to ramble on about wanting to explore Ferelden as a normal citizen.</p>
<p>He smirked at her words.</p>
<p>"What's so funny?"</p>
<p>"I haven't heard anyone be so interested in going to Ferelden for '<em>fun</em>'," He answered. "You are the first."</p>
<p>"I'm going to be living there, aren't I?" She said shyly. "I told you, I don't want to stick out like a sore thumb."</p>
<p>"Your accent and your manner of speaking gives you away, my love. You're not Ferelden-" He pointed out in a matter-of-fact tone. "-Yet."</p>
<p>"My accent?" She gasped as she sat up straight and touched her lips, slightly confused. She hadn't thought about how she sounded, nor did she think she had a way of speaking.</p>
<p>'<em>Then again, Josie would stick out too,</em>' Her thoughts wandered. '<em>Though Leliana spent time there with the Hero of Ferelden... Did that mean she stick out too?</em>'</p>
<p>Another gasp escaped her as she felt a pair of warm lips press against the skin behind her ear, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her and the water waved at the movement. She froze for a moment as Cullen's hot breath from his parted lips blew onto her ear, he leaned against the side of her head as he then whispered, "That doesn't make you change your mind now, does it?"</p>
<p>"N-No," Ayla stuttered, clearing her throat before she confidently added, "No, I'm just thinking of a way to hide better. I've been under everyone's watch for too long that I wish to live a very quiet life once I retire."</p>
<p>"When are you planning to retire?"</p>
<p>"When the Inquisition is no longer needed."</p>
<p>"And how long do you think that'll be?"</p>
<p>"Good question," She sighed. "We'll have a lot to do after Corypheus. My left hand, the clean up, helping rebuild, be present at more parties..."</p>
<p>He pulled her closer, holding her tighter than before. She could feel his breath become heavier as he muttered, "I'll be with you throughout the way."</p>
<p>She placed her hand atop of his arm, smiling softly at the thought. "I'm glad. I'd need you more than-"</p>
<p>They paused as she heard the door to her quarters swing open, before they could react, Josephine had already appeared at the doorway of her bathing room. She felt Cullen adjust himself behind her, to hide any indecency, while moving his arms to hide her chest and burying his face into her neck. Ayla could only fold her knees closer to her, hiding whatever else she could do in such a short amount of time.</p>
<p>"-Inquisitor-" The Ambassador's eyes narrowed before a cheeky smirk curved across her pouted lips. </p>
<p>"So sorry to intrude, Inquisitor and Commander," She mischievously spoke. "But you, Inquisitor, are requested at the Grand Hall. A few nobles would like a word with you and have some parting gifts before they leave."</p>
<p>"I- Wait, what?" Ayla cocked an eyebrow at her. "These weren't important matters. What is going on?"</p>
<p>"I explained you were having a moment to yourself before the march, but they insisted," She explained, still having a look to her that made it seem like she was up to something. She cleared her throat as she finally turned away and said, "I will wait for the both of you in the Grand Hall."</p>
<p>"The both of us?" Cullen finally spoke up, lifting his head out of confusion.</p>
<p>"Yes, of course. Everyone knows, Commander, and you have always come together as some sort of a package deal," Josephine answered with a giggle before she walked away. "Nobles nowadays have expected to see one or the other if one of you is present at any gatherings or meetings."</p>
<p>She left the couple sitting in the water confused.</p>
<p>Ayla sighed, rather frustrated, but defeated as she pushed herself out of his hold. The water splashed and dripped down her figure as she stepped out of the bath. He watched her lazily dry herself from the water, walking towards the main room of her quarters before she looked over her shoulder and asked, "Could we go after we defeat Corypheus?"</p>
<p>"Mhmm."</p>
<p>"I'm in dire need of a break from these nobles. They are more frustrating than Corypheus," She groaned and left his sight.</p>
<p>Cullen could only picture the pure delight of his family, seeing the Inquisitor, who also happened to be the woman he loves that he so fondly wrote of, to be at their front steps. Mia, in particular, was one reaction he knew would be so open and loving without having spoken once to his beloved. Then he reminded himself of the embarrassment that were to follow, knowing full well that his siblings would be ones to open up about the things he may have done in his youth. </p>
<p>Stories he wished no one knew about.</p>
<p>"Are you all right?"</p>
<p>Caught off-guard, he jolted on the spot and stared right up at Ayla, who peeked from behind the door frame whilst adjusting her clothing.</p>
<p>"I- Uh- Yes, I'm coming."</p>
<p>"I want to get this over and done with, then we can have some peace and quiet again... Even for a moment," She continued to complain as she wandered away from his sight once more.</p>
<p>He could only smile. He finally knew why she was so different, which made him even more excited to introduce her to his family. </p>
<p>After all, they've come a long way. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Almost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A letter arrived at his tent. It was one he least expected as the silence of the Arbor Wilds filled the entire camp. Everyone was on edge. Alert and prepared.</p>
<p>The Inquisitor, especially.</p>
<p>He watched her from the entrance of his tent, pacing back and forth whilst in a serious conversation with Morrigan, Leliana and Scout Harding. They were lit up by the fire in front of them, the pitch black of the forest behind made it all seem more eerie.</p>
<p>"Okay, Inquisitor," Scout Harding nodded and walked away with Leliana, leaving Ayla with Morrigan, who had a rather serious conversation afterwards. Their voices were hard to hear, and the fire shadowed their mouths, making it hard to read.</p>
<p>His eyes peered down at the letter in his hand, instead, focusing his attention on the piece of paper as he slowly unfolded it. The ink became more and more clearer. As the paper opened, he became surprised. His eyes narrowed as he wasn't expecting a letter from-</p>
<p>"-What's that?"</p>
<p>"I- N-Nothing. Just re-reports." He stuttered as crumpled the paper into his pocket before reconnecting his gaze to his beloved, who appeared right in front of him. Holding a weak smile across her lips for him as she was visibly exhausted.</p>
<p>"It's so late, my love, I didn't think you'd wait for me. I hope I didn't keep you up?" She said softly as she entered into their shared tent.</p>
<p>"No, of course not. I wanted to wait, knowing that you won't be sleeping tonight," Cullen replied as he untied the ropes that held the entryway open. He turned to face her, watching her take off the heavy leather outerwear she wore as armor, slowly becoming more and more vulnerable in front of him.</p>
<p>He could only worry for her as by dawn, they marched further into the Arbor Wilds and fight.</p>
<p>Left with only her undergarments, Ayla let out a very long exhale as she loosened her hair from the top bun and let her bronze locks fall to her shoulders, shaking away any strands that fell out of place. She looked over her shoulder at him as she said, "You know I can't sleep when so many people are here with me. I need to make sure they're safe."</p>
<p>"I'm here now," He tried to calm her, approaching her slowly as a way to not jolt her. "We're all here for you," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, nuzzling into the crook of her neck, taking in her scent. "We're all in this together." </p>
<p>He wanted to hold onto her tighter and for longer. She was going into the Temple of Mythal without guarantee that she would come out just fine.</p>
<p>He wanted to protect her.</p>
<p>Ayla's cold hands pressed against the skin, combing through the little hairs of his arm as she leaned her head back against him. The safety she felt being in his grasp was comforting. She trusted him to be able to protect her, no matter the outcome.</p>
<p>"If I lost a limb, would you still want me?" She croaked, teasing him to lighten his worries - and her own.</p>
<p>"Why wouldn't I?" He scoffed against her neck.</p>
<p>"I'm wondering if you could take care of me if I lost a leg or an arm," She said as she raised her left hand, the spark of the anchor lit for a moment. "I often think how long before this bastard takes me? When will I lose myself to it."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"All the studies and researching about the anchor, and still no answer. This is the only uncertainty I have for the future." Her fingers curled to a fist as she watched her own hand spark more aggressively, each moment lit her veins with the same green hue. "I don't know what will happen when Corypheus is dealt with. Would he take this with him? Do I go with him?" </p>
<p>"Don't say that," He scolded. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry," She said, patting his arm before grunting at the sudden shock they both received from her left hand. She parted from him instantly, taking three steps away as she grasped her wrist with her free hand, holding in any painful noises. </p>
<p>"It still hurts?" </p>
<p>Ayla shook her head. "Not as much as before. Solas said it's because I've grown accustomed to it after being attached to my hand for a while now," She mumbled as the anchor's green hue disappeared. </p>
<p>Whatever she did, Cullen was amazed she was able to control it so easily. He could remember when she would cry out in pain during council meetings, training or when she just returned from long journeys. Her pain became unbearable to watch once he began to fall in love and be protective of her. </p>
<p>She stared at her left hand then back at him, the same weak yet hopeful smile appeared on her face as she spoke. "Don't worry, we'll find something. I hope to find answers at the Temple of Mythal while I'm there. There has to be something, even a short sentence that explains what will happen to me."</p>
<p>"Ayla." Her name escaped his lips before anything else, he took the steps he needed to close their gap again, reaching over to hold onto her left hand as he leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead.</p>
<p>"I want everything we talked about to happen. The more we talked about our retirement, the more I want it. I don't know what will happen in there, but I'll do everything in my power to get out of there to get one step closer to being all yours," She said. </p>
<p>"I wouldn't want to be selfish," He whispered shyly.</p>
<p>"I'll always be yours," She reminded him as she went up to her toes to peck his lips.</p>
<p>"That's all I ever want." He slightly smiled, staring deep into her hazel eyes knowing there was all truth and no lies between them, a comfort to know she was real. His mind began to doubt, but he silenced the thoughts by leaning closer to her once more, deepening their kiss.</p>
<p>They spent the night cuddling, the comfort caused him to fall asleep, and waking to find himself alone.</p>
<p>Ayla, the Inquisitor, was already gone.</p>
<p>He didn't have time to ask questions as he needed to take the mantle of the Commander. He prepared and dressed himself as quickly as he could, brushing his fingers through his blond hair, and double checking himself at the reflection on his shield. The cold darkness kissed his skin as he walked out of his tent, meeting up with Josephine, who briefed him about Leliana and her spies already ahead of them.</p>
<p>Before he left, he double checked his surroundings, hoping that he could give his beloved one more kiss for good luck.</p>
<p>"If you are looking for her, Commander, she went with Morrigan and her party to another location to rid of a newly discovered Red Templar campsite," Josephine spoke up, hoping to clear his mind. "She told me to tell you that she will '<em>catch up</em>' as she would put it."</p>
<p>"All right," He nodded as he put on his lion-shaped helmet, gripping on the pommel of his sword as he and his second-in-command marched towards the soldiers gathered ahead.</p>
<p>Cullen needed, more than ever, to concentrate with his duty. Every so often, however, his thoughts wondered about his beloved. The sun peeked through the tall trees, slowly lighting the pathway of their march as they got closer and closer to the Temple. One by one, the soldiers split off into their designated units, fighting after the scouts that went ahead with Leliana. The Orlesian army joined them halfway. </p>
<p>The smell of burning infused with blood filled his nose. The once quiet forest was loud. Explosions and screams echoed all throughout the Arbor Wilds, clearly evident their attack wasn't expected. The fighting became louder as he and his unit were nearing their designated area. </p>
<p>"We are doing fine. She should be here any moment. Keep holding on!" Cullen ordered his unit to keep persevering through - what seemed like - an endless amount of corrupted Templars.</p>
<p>What felt like minutes turned into nearly an hour, maybe even more. The path was cleared enough, ready for the Inquisitor and her party's arrival at the entryway to the Temple. Each swing of his sword was painful, but he needed them to be put to peace. The corruption left them unrecognizable.</p>
<p>"The Inquisitor!"</p>
<p>"She made it!"</p>
<p>"Commander Cullen, the Inquisitor is nearly here-"</p>
<p>Cullen used his shield to block an incoming swing from a follower of Corypheus, followed by a swing of his own, downing the enemy. "-I've told you this before! Don't leave your back open!" He scolded.</p>
<p>"S-Sorry Commander."</p>
<p>"Watch out-" </p>
<p>The sound of ice crackled behind him. He turned to see another corrupted Templar frozen in place before an arrow shot it straight between the eyes, crumbling the frozen beast to the floor. </p>
<p>"Cullen!" The familiar voice lit his mood.</p>
<p>"Inquisitor." He was so happy to see her.</p>
<p>But their reunion cut short as Morrigan yelled for the door. Ayla barely let a pout before she turned and ran off to her next task.</p>
<p>Cullen could only watch her.</p>
<p>He stood in silence, watching her enter the large doors and closing it behind her. At that point, she was out of his reach. He so desperately wanted to accompany her into the Temple of Mythal, but his duty was there with the soldiers he actively trained.</p>
<p>"She will be fine."</p>
<p>"L-Leliana." He jolted as the Spymaster appeared right next to him.</p>
<p>A smirk appeared on her - usually - expressionless face as she turned to him, staring deep into his eyes as she said, "I've been in your situation before. I watched the Hero of Ferelden, my cherished friend, enter into the Archdemon's lair and leaving me behind. I felt-"</p>
<p>"-<em>Hopeless</em>?"</p>
<p>"Usually," She shook her head. "Yet, that time, I was quite hopeful. The Warden was just as admirable as the Inquisitor, fearless in their duty. All we have to do now is ours."</p>
<p>"I suppose," He sighed.</p>
<p>She placed her hand on his shoulder, only giving him a stern look to express what message she had left to say. Cullen froze for a moment, then nodded as they both gripped their weapons and turned around to the scouts and soldiers awaiting their order.</p>
<p>"Search the areas and make sure the camps are gone. Rid of any that is left behind," He commanded. "Once we are cleared, we will follow our Spymaster into the Temple to retrieve our prisoner."</p>
<p>"As you wish, Commander," Leliana nodded and beckoned for her own group to follow her away towards the entrance to the Temple of Mythal. </p>
<p>Cullen looked over his shoulder one more time to see the door. He prayed for Ayla. It was all he could do.</p>
<p>×××</p>
<p>Skyhold was quiet. There were no celebration or signs of joy as the tired and the wounded men and women of the Inquisition entered the gates without anything to say. Cullen led them back once they received a note from a raven that stated the Inquisitor was back in Skyhold through the Eluvian.</p>
<p>So many questions.</p>
<p>While Ayla impatiently waited for everyone, she paced back and forth at the bridge she usually crossed to get to the Commander's office. Her nails dug into her skin, getting more and more nervous as well as worry. She watched everyone seep through the gates, greeted by the aides who were prepared to tend to the wounded. She saw some of her companions enter, Josephine was next with her own guards and Blackwall, and then Leliana with a raven on her shoulder. Samson and a few of his followers were next, chained by the wrist and ankles as they were guided by soldiers towards the prison cells. </p>
<p>'<em>I hope he's okay</em>,' She thought to herself, nipping at her lower lip, knowing full well she left him at the front lines without any chance to speak to him.</p>
<p>Then there he was. Cullen entered at the very end, his body hunched and slightly dragging along, showing his clear exhaustion but also appearing to be looking for someone. </p>
<p>Her body lit up, and so did her mood at the sight of him. A feeling of relief surged through her body. </p>
<p>Their eyes met almost instantly before she ran through the doors of his office, towards the stairs that led her right to him. Nearly fumbling at her own feet, she threw herself instantly into his arms. </p>
<p>The embrace so warm.</p>
<p>"Is this how you feel all the time?" Ayla breathed into his chest, taking a whiff of the infused smell of sweat and his scent. A weak chuckle escaped him as he held her tighter, his face buried into her hair. </p>
<p>"Every. Bloody. Time." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Almost ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some NSFW midway.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The waiting game was one of the hardest games he has ever played since joining the Inquisition. Pacing back and forth, Cullen anxiously waited in the war council room with the other two advisers.</p>
<p>"She will be fine-"</p>
<p>An explosion followed, the green hole in the sky closed right in front of their eyes. Then an eerie silence. Cullen could hear everyone's breathing in the room, his own easily, heaving and flaring his nose. His jaws dropped as soon as the clouds cleared and the moon became visible again, but a blue hue remained, somewhat like a scar, a reminder. It was-</p>
<p>"Amazing."</p>
<p>He looked to his side and saw Josephine being as shocked as he was at the sight. She kept her hand abover her mouth as she mumbled, "She did all that."</p>
<p>"Yes..." He realized, looking back at the faint silhouette of the Temple of Ashes. "She definitely did all that."</p>
<p>Cheers roared Skyhold for days, the news spread to the rest of Thedas, who all shared the same celebration as they awaited any official statements from the hero herself, the Inquisitor, Ayla Trevelyan. Although she hadn't arrived back to Skyhold right after the defeat of Corypheus, the advisers were able to release their held breaths and the tension calmed right after. Cullen, Leliana and Josephine all settled their matters and went to calm down after receiving an official message from Scout Harding that Ayla did it.</p>
<p>While her companions and soldiers gleefully chatted amongst themselves during their travel back to Skyhold, Ayla remained oddly quiet. She stared at her left hand, the anchor still flickering since they left the ruined Temple of Sacred Ashes. What first felt like a tingling feeling became pinches against her skin, and she still didn't know what would happen next. She was quite bothered as to why Solas just left without another word, filling her with the sense of feeling betrayed.</p>
<p>'<em>Right now I should celebrate,</em>' She thought to herself as she looked up from her hand and saw Skyhold just a couple of steps away. A slight smile appeared on her face, a giggle snuck out of her at the sudden thought of how Cullen would react to her return. </p>
<p>'<em>He would be so relieved to see me.</em>' </p>
<p>Their return delayed by the clean up at the Temple, but nonetheless, everything finally felt lighter. She let an exhale escape her as she snuck a peek behind her. The many men and women who stayed by her side through it all, sharing a laugh and cheer as they too showed signs of finally relaxing.</p>
<p>"Boss! I can't believe I got to work under you while you saved the world! Fuck yes!" Iron Bull yelled as he lifted his bottle to cheer.</p>
<p>"Glad to have you, Bull," She smiled.</p>
<p>"I am sure Cullen would be most pleased you have returned," Cassandra commented beside her.</p>
<p>Ayla nodded as they reached the bridge, getting closer and closer to the entrance. She smiled at Cassandra and said, "I'm sure that's to be expected."</p>
<p>And it was. As soon as they entered, the remaining soldiers and residents of Skyhold all cheered for her. Congratulating her as she passed. Her companions went ahead as she took the time to thank everyone, but as she looked up by the staircase to the Grand Hall, there stood the advisers, all prepared to greet her. </p>
<p>Somewhat like how they announced she was their Inquisitor and she would lead the second Inquisition.</p>
<p>Her eyes connected with her beloved's as she made her way to them. Each step felt lighter, somewhat like shedding a piece of her responsibility, a piece of her burden, her woes and worries, and a piece of her fear of becoming what her predecessor was.</p>
<p>"Maker's breathe! You're back," Cullen breathed as he was the first to step forward and catch her into his arms. Feeling her wrapped in his arms comforted him, knowing that the fight she was preparing to go to had finally been won. She was home.</p>
<p>"Didn't you give me the order to come back?" Ayla said into his mantle.</p>
<p>"Now, Commander, let us have her too," Josephine teased as Cullen awkwardly stepped away from the embrace, his sudden change of demeanor made the other three chuckle amongst themselves.</p>
<p>"Josie, Leliana, thank you," Ayla spoke as she touched her chest, right above her heart and added, "You've both become such amazing friends to me as well as wise advisers. I wouldn't be able to have survived."</p>
<p>Leliana merely nodded with a soft smile. To her, this was what she already experienced during the Fifth Blight, her vision of the Warden flashed before her eyes. She felt blessed by Andraste to be able to be there for both instances when Thedas needed saving. She was proud of their accomplishments without having to say it, and Ayla understood clearly. </p>
<p>Josephine, on the other hand, slightly became teary as she turned away to dab a handkerchief under her eyes. She whisked back around as though nothing happened, and a smile reappeared on her face. She clapped her hands together as she said, "Now we have more time to attend noble parties and balls to return all those favors!"</p>
<p>"<em>Uh</em>-"</p>
<p>"-I'm only joking. We will discuss that later. You deserve a break, Inquisitor. The last two years have been tiring, but even then, you fought on nobly. I admire you for that, my friend," The Ambassador added and bowed her head as a sign of her respect for the Inquisitor.</p>
<p>"You're all going to make me cry," Ayla replied with a joking tone, trying to hide her own tears with humor.</p>
<p>"Don't worry, I will still plan a party for a celebration."</p>
<p>"Of course," She chuckled. She then turned her attention to the people below, who cheered louder once she face them. </p>
<p>They chanted her name with glee. They celebrated their Inquisitor. They called her their hero.</p>
<p>Ayla's official statement released to every corners of Thedas, who all awaited for her to confirm her victory. The ravens went on to fly throughout the night while the celebrations in Skyhold went on until the morning. The loyal companions mingled at the taverns, the advisers retreated to a well-deserved rest, and the Inquisitor did too. The Commander, of course, immediately joined her in her quarters. </p>
<p>After a much needed bath, she greeted him in nothing but her bare body. A sight he didn't expect, but he welcomed without hesitation. He held her close, taking away every piece of clothing he had to join her in the nude. Their warm, exposed bodies pressed against each other without a moment to waste. Their lips locking in a rather aggressive yet passionate kiss. Their tongues dances in unison, tasting every bit of each other as they never parted - only to breathe. </p>
<p>The feeling of being in each other's arms was too surreal. He always worried about her never coming back, and she did too. </p>
<p>They were right where they belonged.</p>
<p>Cullen landed carefully on top of her as they fell to the bed, his arms places perfectly at each side to keep his weight off of her. Positioned perfectly between her legs, he took his right hand to caress her body, starting from the side of her neck as a way to figure if there was any new injuries or scars he hadn't seen since she was away. He was being very careful, taking in every inch of her soft skin. </p>
<p>Ayla knew exactly what he was doing, trailing her fingers down every bump of muscle on his chest, starting gentle and slow, before brushing by his stomach, where she moved faster and reached between them, at his manhood, catching his attention completely. A groan escaping him in between their kiss. She parted from their kiss, caressing the side of his face with her free hand, biting at her lower lip as she said, "I need you, more than ever, to celebrate with me. Be here with me tonight. No one else." </p>
<p>"As you wish, my lo- <em>Ah</em>-"</p>
<p>She imaptiently stroked his length, causing a groan.</p>
<p>"You are very impatient tonight, my love." </p>
<p>"Only for tonight," She moaned. </p>
<p>"Mhmm." He wasn't convinced. </p>
<p>Their lips locked as the sounds of the celebration outside echoed throughout the mountains, hiding the moans that escaped from the highest tower of Skyhold. The windows were wide open, the breeze kept them cool as sweat fell from their bodies and onto the other. </p>
<p>Feeling every inch of him inside her, Ayla continued to sway her hips on top of him, in a way that pleasured her as well as him. She was tired and sore, but she didn't care. She wanted him, she couldn't get enough of him. Being with him in the moment of intimacy was her escape. Her reward. </p>
<p>Ayla wanted Cullen, and it was so obvious. </p>
<p>He saw it. He saw the way she stared at him - so filled with lust as she kept biting on her lower lip. She was hungry, and so was he. Cullen sat up and pressed ome of her breast into his mouth, teasing her nipples with his tongue and feeling them harden against him, feeling himself getting pulled in deeper at each thrust. Her body arched, pushing her breasts closer to him, almost smothering him as his hands slithered from her waist to her ass, gripping each cheek so tightly as he began to move harder. </p>
<p>Ayla's whines and moans drove him to keep going as he knew she was close to climax.</p>
<p>Her nails dug into his shoulders as he felt her tense, her body froze for a moment before quivering in his hold. A satisfied whimper escaped her as she hunched forward, burying herself into the nook of his neck. She was breathing hard, cooing his name. </p>
<p>"I love you," She whispered. </p>
<p>"Tired?" </p>
<p>She scoffed. "Just catching my breath." </p>
<p>"Good." Cullen smirked as he shuffled to the edge of the bed, holding her close as he pushed himself to his feet. She could barely see where they were going from the darkness of her quarters, but the bed was definitely getting further. </p>
<p>Then she felt the wooden texture. </p>
<p>"My desk?" She laughed.</p>
<p>"I need to make sure it's as sturdy as mine," He smirked as he repositioned himself between her legs, ready to re-enter her. Watching her body shiver and squirm as he did so, whimpering his name.</p>
<p>The very same Inquisitor that just saved Thedas, was there naked on her desk, weakened just by his touch. </p>
<p>She was a completely different person. </p>
<p>To Cullen, at that very moment, the Inquisitor was just Ayla Trevelyan. The woman he was very fortunate and grateful to call his lover, his beloved, his future wife, the future mother of his children, the one he would vow the rest of his life to, the one he promised to protect, his everything. </p>
<p>"Nngghhhh-" He bit his lip as a groan hummed out of him. He felt himself release, tensing his body at the feeling of excitement escaping him. </p>
<p>Ayla arched her back with him as she joined him in his release, closing her eyes tight. </p>
<p>"Maker's breathe..." He heaved. </p>
<p>"Andraste smite me, I was very..."</p>
<p>"Oh, I know," He chuckled as he hunched over her body, pulling her to his embrace once more while trying his best to capture his breath. He felt her arms slither arouns his body, her palms flat on his back as she let her lips peck at his shoulders, holding him just as close as he did. </p>
<p>"I love you so very much, Cullen Rutherford," Ayla whispered softly into his ear. </p>
<p>"And I, you, Ayla Trevelyan," He whispered back. </p>
<p>It took him a moment to realize that she had fallen asleep in their embrace. A chuckle escaped him, finding her adorable, as he took her from atop her desk and laid her on her bed, joining her soon after.</p>
<p>Falling asleep calmly, knowing no danger could ever harm them again. </p>
<p>Cullen returned to his office first thing in the morning, pulling out the letter he's kept in his pocket since the Arbor Wilds. Unfolding the crumpled paper, he was finally able to read it.</p>
<p>At the very top center of the paper was a print of the coat of arms well-recognized from the Free Marches, skimming down was his name, followed by words that responded to his own letter he sent weeks ago. </p>
<p>He was surprised he received a response at all. </p>
<p>His eyes shifted from left to right, rereading a few lines more than twice to properly understand what was being written. His hands started to fidget, getting nervous at each line as his stomach clenched. He breathed heavily until the last dot at the signature, and a long exhale escaped him as he leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to calm his racing heart.</p>
<p>"It wasn't at all what I expected," He mumbled to himself as he lifted the paper once more. His hands were shaking, a warm feeling grew hotter at his cheek as his nerves turned to embarrassment and a sense of shyness. He took a big gulp, reading the last line over and over again.</p>
<p>'<em>They approved.</em>'</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Finale</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The days went by turning to weeks, and the weeks went into months. The Inquisition was still running six months on, although they were seeing less and less of the companions, who all went on their way to do what they felt they needed to do. The war council meetings started to include Scout Harding more often than Leliana, who was elected as the next Divine, although she preferred to stay in Skyhold during preparations of the upcoming ceremony. </p>
<p>On a less busy week, after clearing the merchant's road of bandits with the Iron Bull and the Chargers, Ayla took a detour back to Skyhold by stopping by the Frostback Basin. Cullen arrived a day early, waiting for her with Scout Harding nearby.</p>
<p>The last time she was there, she returned with fear and nightmares from her discovery of Inquisitor Ameridan.</p>
<p>"Inquisitor! Professor Kenric would have liked to be here, but his work is finally being noticed!" Scout Harding excitedly reported as soon as Ayla walked into the camp with her horse by her side. "I'm relieved to see you made it safely. The Commander wasn't happy to hear you rejected the idea of being escorted here by the Chargers."</p>
<p>"Of course he is," She laughed. "And I'm proud of Professor Kenric. He sent me a copy, if you'd want to read his final report while you wait."</p>
<p>The dwarf scratched the back of her neck, shifting her eyes left and right, looking rather awkward. "As long as you two will be fine out there. I don't want Leliana to hunt me down for any accidents. I was scolded for the incudent with the dragon, I wouldn't want to be-"</p>
<p>"-You won't be," Ayla interrupted to stop her worries as she reached into the bag hanging by her horse's saddle, pulling out a - badly put together - report.</p>
<p>"Whoa," The scout chuckled. "This must be-"</p>
<p>"The original, so please be careful."</p>
<p>"Of course!" She said as she began to flip through the pages, wandering away as she fell into a very distracted state.</p>
<p>Ayla knew that Scout Harding had been eager to get her hands on the final report after she instructed the scout to contact Professor Kenric. It was the least she could do for the hardworking, soon-to-be Spymaster in her list of advisers.</p>
<p>And Scout Harding has saved her more than she could count during their time in the field. </p>
<p>"The elfroot collection paid off" - is what the dwarf would say to her each time they reunited.</p>
<p>It made her giggle at the thought as she continued to walk deeper into the camp, to a hut that Professor Kenric used to stay when he was there. The hut was converted to a main station for any leaders in the Frostback Basin. In that case, her and the Commander.</p>
<p>"Hi," Ayla greeted as she stood by the end of the footpath of the hut, her horse right beside her.</p>
<p>"Hi." Cullen sternly greeted, arms crossed with a frown. The expression itself already told her that she was going to be lectured about her careless venture alone to her detour.</p>
<p>"I know, I know, Cullen, but are you ready to go?" She changed the subject before he began ranting at her, well, at least she wanted to get him ranting while they were on the road.</p>
<p>He only sighed, picked up a bag that he needed to put on his own horse. He was annoyed at her, but that didn't stop him from giving her a kiss on the cheek as a greeting before going to the horse Master Dennet told him to take, which happened to be a horse that was gifted to him by one of the nobles who adored him. </p>
<p>An Orlesian Courser to be exact. </p>
<p>Ayla always poked at him for it, but Cullen did grow to love the horse, one he called his own. He named him, Rook, after a chess piece, and he looked very majestic, especially when he was battle ready. The thought let a giggle escape the Inquisitor before she mounted her own horse, Marcel, who welcomed her with a neigh.</p>
<p>"Thank you for accompanying me on this journey to see the Avvar, Commander," She continued to tease him as he rode alongside her. "I didn't think you would find the time to come with me. I was close to taking Scout Harding with me."</p>
<p>"You pushed the topic," Cullen huffed. </p>
<p>"Besides, Storvacker hasn't seen you in a while since she's come back to the Avvar." </p>
<p>"Oh Maker." </p>
<p>The two of them were headed to the Stone-Bear Hold, where Ayla needed to meet with their leader about exporting particular goods, and an excuse to take Cullen away from his desk to spend some time together. They've both been busy in the last month, more mundane tasks than having any actual action on the field. </p>
<p>Although the peace and quiet was nice. </p>
<p>"You know, the Basin wasn't like this the last time I was here," She said aloud, staring up at the clear blue skies that lit their day. "There were more fighting involved, and I was annoyed that I missed out on one of the 'Teas &amp; Cakes' meeting." </p>
<p>"I would have traded positions with you," Cullen said under his breath. "Josie and Leliana asked questions that were none of their business. I didn't think they kept tabs on our relationship." </p>
<p>"They do. So does Dorian. He still does, actually." </p>
<p>"Even when he is not here?" </p>
<p>"Yes." Her tone so grim as he felt eyes suddenly on him as they neared the path to the Stone-Bear Hold. </p>
<p>The both of them remained silent the whole ride, ot may have been because Cullen was still a little upset about his beloved traveling alone, or maybe Ayla was still on Inquisitor mode to be distracted by conversation. They have plenty to talk about, sometimes it was all the Commander doing the ranting about his work or the nobles who wouldn't leave him alone, and sometimes it was the Inquisitor complaining about the same nobles or gossiping about the people closest to them. </p>
<p>And sometimes, they both enjoyed the quiet. </p>
<p>By the time they arrived at the Stone-Bear Hold, Ayla was whisked away to meet the leader, while Cullen was escorted to Storvacker, who didn't hesitate to throw herself onto him and smothered him with licks - even though he did miss the bear when she returned home. </p>
<p>He just wouldn't admit it. </p>
<p>Standing by the doorway of the Thane's home, Cullen watched as business went on for the Inquisitor, occasionally getting asked an input, but he rather waited to be asked when he wasn't accustomed to the Avvar's ways. They treated her like kin, one with the Avvar after helping them with the Jaws of Hakkon. </p>
<p>He often wished that he was present in those milestone moments with her, instead of hearing them or reading it in a report. He wouldn't admit, but he wished he took Scout Harding's role in some of his beloved's missions to see everything she did. </p>
<p>When the meeting was done, they rode off without another word, which made him nervous. Ayla was being oddly out of character, usually, by the time she did her task, she would speak to him in a very loving way. Instead, she was quiet... More like, distracted. Her gaze off into the distance, her thoughts kept away from him. </p>
<p>Or maybe it was just him. </p>
<p>He'd actually been waiting for a while to ask her something, and it had been stressing him out leading up to the trip alone with her. </p>
<p>"Wait, we need to make a detour." </p>
<p>"Hmm?" He snapped from his thoughts. </p>
<p>Ayla reached into one of her bags and pulled out a statuette of a couple locked in an embrace. She rose it close to her face, eying the detail.</p>
<p>"I had it made through a sculptor in Orlais, Professor Kenric sent it to me once he got the proper description of Telana," She explained. </p>
<p>It became clearer once Cullen got closer that the statuette was indeed a version of the previous Inquisitor, Ameridan, in an embrace with his lover, Telana. He knew that story well. He took a book from the library one night to better understand their tale. The same story Ayla once cried about to him, having nightmares about him waiting for her for so long had she failed her task to defeat Corypheus. </p>
<p>It was bittersweet. </p>
<p>He was grateful to the Maker and Andraste for bringing his beloved back. </p>
<p>"I want to go to the island and place it next to her grave," She added. "We buried her there, out of respect, and I never got the chance to tell her that we saved Inquisitor Ameridan. Then maybe we can camp there for the night."</p>
<p>"That is all right with me." He couldn't deny his own inner romantic. It would be perfect with what he wanted to do. </p>
<p>"Thank you. The fisherman is along the water, he's not that far." </p>
<p>"Lead the way." </p>
<p>Ayla nodded with excitement as she tucked away the statuette and did exactly what he said. They rode their horses alongside the water, the breeze felt cool against their skin as the temperature was a little hotter - for some reason - in the Basin. </p>
<p>Being in Skyhold too long has made everywhere else seemed a lot hotter. </p>
<p>The closer they got to the fisherman's house, the more Cullen's heart raced. He felt a small box in his pocket, fiddling the edge with his thumb as the sight of the boat became clearer. </p>
<p>The closer they got to the island, the more he felt sweat pouring down his back, especially as he rowed the boat for them. The panic was shortening his breath, his heart still raced on as the sight of the island became clearer. </p>
<p>This was it. </p>
<p>As they wandered towards a shattered wooden house, a little plaque with etching of her name came into view. Telana was who Ayla compared him to before, where she cried in his arms hoping he wouldn't wait for her as long as Telana waited for her Inquisitor. </p>
<p>He watched as his own Inquisitor fell to her knees and placed the statuette right in front of the stone tablet, her head bowed as she whispered words under breath, praying for her own future. He watched as she began to whimper, loosening her grip on the statuette as she sat up and clasped her hand together as she prayed. He watched as she thanked the little monument for the guidance she received in her own task as the Inquisitor, finding her own heart and home in him. </p>
<p>The moment made his heart cry out to hold her. </p>
<p>Right then and there, Ayla was more vulnerable than she ever has been in the time they were together. He had to fight his urge to protect her and comfort her. </p>
<p>"I feel better," She cooed as she stood to her feet and faced him. </p>
<p>"That's good." </p>
<p>"I'm sorry I made you worry," She sighed. "I needed to be alone on the way here, where I could clear my mind and not have someone always at my ear." </p>
<p>Cullen laughed. "So, me?" </p>
<p>"You barely talk," She scoffed. "Sometimes we can sit for hours in your office doing nothing." </p>
<p>"Is that a complaint?" He crossed his arms. </p>
<p>"Maybe it is!" She crossed her arms too, mimicking him. </p>
<p>"You'd have to take the complaint to the Inquisitor, but she's preoccupied right now-" </p>
<p>"-<em>Excuse</em>- Ah!" </p>
<p>Cullen reached down and lifted Ayla off her feet and over his shoulders, marching towards the uphill nearby, where he wanted to do his plan without seeming too obvious. She wriggled in his grasp as she asked where they were going, complained about how wrong it was to treat the Inquisitor that way, all the while, giggling in between her words. </p>
<p>As they neared the top of the uphill, he gently put her down, in time for the sky to turn orange and they could watch the sunset together. </p>
<p>The sounds of the water took over, the waves hitting the shore as they watched in awe together. Ayla's eyes sparkled at the sight. He remembered her saying that it had been a while since she saw the sun set, sometimes when she was out and about, she'd forget to look up because she was so used to seeing the green light that the skies were no longer blue for her. He wanted her to see it without distraction. </p>
<p>That was the perfect spot. </p>
<p>He just didn't know how to start the conversation. </p>
<p>"When are you next available?" Cullen blurted out without thinking. </p>
<p>"Hmm?" Ayla looked over at him. </p>
<p>"I was- Um-" He felt his posture droop a little as he avoided looking at her, rubbing the back of his neck and clearing his throat before he shyly asked, "Would you be willing to accompany me in possibly a month's time to meet my family?" </p>
<p>Her eyes narrowed in surprise, her heart raced as a blush warmed her cheeks. '<em>Why am I blushing?</em>' She thought to herself, covering her red tint with her hands as she too shyly avoided his gaze. </p>
<p>They've been together for a while now. People would have thought they would be comfortable with each other already. </p>
<p>"Yes, of course!" Her eagerness burst out of her without filter, covering her mouth afterwards from shame. </p>
<p>Then she heard him laugh. </p>
<p>"Why are we like this?" </p>
<p>"I don't know." And she began to laugh. </p>
<p>"I'm possibly not used to having you to myself as often." </p>
<p>"Me neither," She giggled. "We should get used to it though. We're going to be together for a long time. Are you sure you want that? With me?" </p>
<p>"That's all I'll ever ask from you," He cooed. They shared a smile, and his heart melted from the sight of hers. She was always so warm. Always so comforting to be around. So safe. </p>
<p>"Good!" She pouted as she crossed her arms and wandered a few steps away from him, nearing the cliff that overlooked the ocean. Her silhouette spread towards him as he stood in her shadow, knowing he was always going to be protected. </p>
<p>He truly loved her. </p>
<p>Being with her for the rest of his life would make him feel at peace. </p>
<p>Cullen pulled out a box, inside a ring he had asked Dagna and Harritt to help craft from a piece of emerald he found when he accompanied Ayla to the ruins of Haven, something that reminded him so much of her hazel eyes. The ring he thought was a perfect fit for his beloved. He'd been hiding the piece of jewelry for months since he received the approval letter from her parents, but he hadn't found the right time to bend the knee and ask her. People have asked when he would propose, heck, even the other two advisers prodded him whenever Ayla was gone. </p>
<p>The timing still didn't feel right. </p>
<p>Even standing on that remote island where another love story unfolded, just the two of them, could have been the perfect time to. He could've asked her right then and there, watching as the sun set.</p>
<p>But he didn't.</p>
<p>It wasn't the right time yet. </p>
<p>Instead, Cullen put the little box back into his pocket and went over to hold Ayla. Wrapping his arms from behind, letting her lean back comfortably on him - a reminder she wasn't alone anymore, and he was there to catch her whenever she felt she was falling.</p>
<p>Maybe because she was still troubled that he couldn't find it in him to distract her from her own worries. </p>
<p>Maybe he was just nervous.</p>
<p>"Hey, Cullen."</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>"Are you happy?"</p>
<p>"Of course I am, are you?" </p>
<p>"More than ever."</p>
<p>"Good. I wouldn't have it any other way."</p>
<p>He was happy where they were. Content with their disposition. They may be busy, but he was there for her, and she for him.</p>
<p>Maybe someday he'll ask. </p>
<p>Not just yet. </p>
<p><em>End</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'd like to say thank you for reading and going on this whacky journey with Ayla and Cullen. However, this isn't actually the end for them! I'm brewing something to be posted some time this week. Keep an eye out on the series section!</p>
<p>Thanks again &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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